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TOPIC: divorced 1112 Views

divorced 07 Oct 2015 19:15 #265260

Hi, I'm divorced for quite a while and have no physical relationship at all, but as you all know god created man with a sexual desirement, can anybody help me overcome this?

Re: divorced 07 Oct 2015 19:25 #265261

  • lomed
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Welcome,

you have come to the right place.

I feel your pain.
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: divorced 07 Oct 2015 20:18 #265264

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You have found the right place. Look around and find what works for you on the site. read and post on the forums. Connect and share with others.
Best of luck. Keep us posted.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: divorced 07 Oct 2015 20:38 #265266

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Welcome to GYE!

God can help you overcome this and He will if you put in the required work and let Him in. Start with the tools that GYE suggests in the links below and put the work in. There will be plenty of discussion in this forum, which in my experience does little to help, unless you take action with it.

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--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: divorced 08 Oct 2015 05:44 #265286

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The first thing you need to realize is that sex is optional, yes we have normal desires, but if don't feed them, they can he managable. When we feed our desires with fantasy, porn and staring in the street, we only compound the problem.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: divorced 08 Oct 2015 12:51 #265297

I don't understand your point, sorry. Please expalain. Ty

Re: divorced 08 Oct 2015 17:40 #265332

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lookingforhelp wrote:
I don't understand your point, sorry. Please expalain. Ty


what many here that are on the 12 steps program are learning is that recovery cannot be dependent on our sex life. We can recover only when sex is optional and not when sex is mandatory for our recovery.

Having that said, this may answer your concern about how you can recover if you are divorced (and have no sex life for now). Actually many found that it was easier to recover when they were single!!

you may want to give us some details in what way you are struggling, so some here would be able to give in their advice and experience they have had.
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: divorced 08 Oct 2015 18:45 #265340

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sam08701 wrote:
god created man with a sexual desirement, can anybody help me overcome this?


No one on earth can help you overcome that which G-d created us with.
Normal sexual desire is here to stay (baruch Hashem).

What you can help yourself with is self-induced sexual arousal that leads to masturbation.
Like MBJ said so succinctly.

Re: divorced 08 Oct 2015 21:35 #265394

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WELCOME! There have already been some good posts. Although you are in a difficult situation, the tools are the same for all of us. Read the handbook. Keep posting.

Acceptance can be a very powerful tool. Many married addicts accept that sex is optional and voluntarily go through long periods of abstinence.

Re: divorced 08 Oct 2015 21:53 #265403

  • cordnoy
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sam08701 wrote:
Hi, I'm divorced for quite a while and have no physical relationship at all, but as you all know god created man with a sexual desirement, can anybody help me overcome this?


How does anybody know that this fellow has a porn or masturbation problem?

He has a sexual desire to be with a woman....ok....why do you wanna overcome this? Perhaps you have other issues; please tell if you want.

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