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TOPIC: Back again 2076 Views

Back again 07 Oct 2015 15:55 #265248

  • Metatron
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Hello. Years ago I was helped through gye. Beginning on this forum I advanced to sobriety using the tools available here. I joined a 12 step group and was doing very well. I also had therapy to help me. I thought I was over this problem which means I forgot a lot of what I learned about myself in the 12 step program. I feel like I need to strengthen my sobriety so I am back. I hope to regain my sanity and sobriety now as has weakened in the past few weeks.
Last Edit: 07 Oct 2015 15:56 by Metatron.

Re: Back again 07 Oct 2015 20:42 #265267

  • serenity
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Welcome back! Thanks for sharing 3 valuable lessons with me! 1. Sobriety can be achieved; 2. We have to keep working a program to maintain it; and 3. we can always come back.

If I may suggest that once you feel your ready, keep in mind the 12th step and keep giving back to others!

Hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 13:43 #265302

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The thing about achieving sobriety is that it is the only way I can remain sane. I really pray that getting back in the program will allow sanity to return. i feel very ashamed that I had allowed myself to forget so many of the fundamentals that allows me to be sane. I turn to hashem to help me accept the things I cannot control. I also am trying to have the courage to take action. To that end I have begun rereading the white book and joined a new sa group and I have been sober for almost a month now. I pray this one will last forever.

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 15:43 #265316

  • AlexEliezer
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Welcome back to life!

I second Serenity's suggestion.
You have much wisdom to share from your journey.
What better place to give back and help others than right here.
There's plenty of guys reaching out who could use your input.

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 20:25 #265375

  • Metatron
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In my previous lives I shot from the hip and blessed everyone with my infinate wisdom. I have since learned some things. I am afraid that appearing before you as a seasoned veteran is bad for you and worse for me. Also there are many things on this road that unfortunately cannot be passed down but must be experienced. נער הייתי וגם זקנתי.

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 20:36 #265377

  • Mesayin
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Congrats on your recovery.

Falling back is inevitable, it happens all the time especially when trying to improve and even more so in this area.

Being a tazdik does not mean "not falling" it means falling and getting back up, no matter how hard you fell or how often you fall.
My thread/My story

Slogans and Sayings

Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

Feel free to contact me anytime through private message or chat.

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Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 20:45 #265378

  • Metatron
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Thanks for saying that mesayin. The thing is I really am not a Tzadik or even looking to be one. I just want some semblance of sanity back. Falling into an abyss of insanity is very scary. And it's scary to think that when it happens you no longer have the capacity to recognize it is happening. I think hashem had a lot of mercy on me in allowing me at least to recognize where I ended up. And he did it for me before rosh hashana and the aseres yemey tshuva to boot. For that I am thankful.

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 20:57 #265380

  • Mesayin
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Baruch Hashem!

BTW a tzaddik doesn't mean someone with a long white beard that fasts from shabbos to shabbos, a tzaddik could mean even someone who like us who are struggling but we are doing the best we could with what we have and continuing to strive to get better.
My thread/My story

Slogans and Sayings

Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

Feel free to contact me anytime through private message or chat.

Chizzuk emails by Rabbi Duvid Ashear shlita that can change your day subscribe now.

Check out my powerful tefila.

Depressed? Check out some of my jokes

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 21:12 #265381

  • gibbor120
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Hi Metatron,

I am humbled by your humility . I wish you bracha and hatzlacha!

Re: Back again 08 Oct 2015 22:46 #265409

  • cordnoy
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Welcome and welcome back.

Sounds like you are on a real good path.

Continued hatzlachah.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Back again 09 Oct 2015 13:36 #265481

  • Metatron
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I would like to take credit for humility but I cannot. This disease had a way of humiliating me. I should have seen things unravel first when arrogance and anger returned. I am through the into in the white book. Looking to get through it cover to cover. Looking forward to my first group meeting Sunday. Gut Shabbos everyone.

Re: Back again 09 Oct 2015 19:13 #265508

  • gibbor120
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Humility is a BIG key to success. I think it shows from your posts. Of course you cannot take credit for humility, that would be an oxymoron .

I think it is the missing ingredient in many peoples "avodah" of trying to get better by "figuring it out".

Your posts are quite refreshing!

Re: Back again 12 Oct 2015 15:18 #265682

  • Metatron
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Hashem blessed me with a very beautiful and sober weekend. Was great being at the meeting. I very much long for a closer relationship with hkbh and am hoping I never forget to see his miracles in my life like I have forgotten in the past.

Re: Back again 15 Oct 2015 15:12 #266011

  • Metatron
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With praise to hkbh i am very slowly starting to see the clouds of addiction disperse in the face of the sunlight of recovery. Had a good meeting yesterday. Beginning from step one again which is admitting that we have no control over lust and recognizing that our life has become unmanageable as a result. This is an easy step for me. Painful but so obviously true that it's easy in a sad sad way. I'm saddened that I am writing out my step one again. When i did it last about 5 years ago I thought that the chapter had ended and that I had written my last word on the subject. For the greater part of 4 years it held true but alas here we are again. I held on to my last one for about a year but I think maybe for this one to be the last version it may pay to hold on to it a little longer.

Re: Back again 15 Oct 2015 15:23 #266013

  • cordnoy
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Metatron wrote:
With praise to hkbh i am very slowly starting to see the clouds of addiction disperse in the face of the sunlight of recovery. Had a good meeting yesterday. Beginning from step one again which is admitting that we have no control over lust and recognizing that our life has become unmanageable as a result. This is an easy step for me. Painful but so obviously true that it's easy in a sad sad way. I'm saddened that I am writing out my step one again. When i did it last about 5 years ago I thought that the chapter had ended and that I had written my last word on the subject. For the greater part of 4 years it held true but alas here we are again. I held on to my last one for about a year but I think maybe for this one to be the last version it may pay to hold on to it a little longer.


Great post!
And yes, this truth does hurt at times.
When I said the serenity prayer this mornin', I added a bit: God, grant me the serenity to accept the thin's i cannot change, and that is that i was addicted to lust, I am addicted to lust and in all probability, will always remain addicted to lust.

and yet, grant me the courage to change the thin's i can, and that is to stop lookin' (whichever point that is).

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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