Hello. Years ago I was helped through gye. Beginning on this forum I advanced to sobriety using the tools available here. I joined a 12 step group and was doing very well. I also had therapy to help me. I thought I was over this problem which means I forgot a lot of what I learned about myself in the 12 step program. I feel like I need to strengthen my sobriety so I am back. I hope to regain my sanity and sobriety now as has weakened in the past few weeks.

Welcome back! Thanks for sharing 3 valuable lessons with me! 1. Sobriety can be achieved; 2. We have to keep working a program to maintain it; and 3. we can always come back.

If I may suggest that once you feel your ready, keep in mind the 12th step and keep giving back to others!

Hatzlacha!

The thing about achieving sobriety is that it is the only way I can remain sane. I really pray that getting back in the program will allow sanity to return. i feel very ashamed that I had allowed myself to forget so many of the fundamentals that allows me to be sane. I turn to hashem to help me accept the things I cannot control. I also am trying to have the courage to take action. To that end I have begun rereading the white book and joined a new sa group and I have been sober for almost a month now. I pray this one will last forever.

Welcome back to life!

I second Serenity's suggestion.
You have much wisdom to share from your journey.
What better place to give back and help others than right here.
There's plenty of guys reaching out who could use your input.

In my previous lives I shot from the hip and blessed everyone with my infinate wisdom. I have since learned some things. I am afraid that appearing before you as a seasoned veteran is bad for you and worse for me. Also there are many things on this road that unfortunately cannot be passed down but must be experienced. נער הייתי וגם זקנתי.

Congrats on your recovery.

Falling back is inevitable, it happens all the time especially when trying to improve and even more so in this area.

Being a tazdik does not mean "not falling" it means falling and getting back up, no matter how hard you fell or how often you fall.

Thanks for saying that mesayin. The thing is I really am not a Tzadik or even looking to be one. I just want some semblance of sanity back. Falling into an abyss of insanity is very scary. And it's scary to think that when it happens you no longer have the capacity to recognize it is happening. I think hashem had a lot of mercy on me in allowing me at least to recognize where I ended up. And he did it for me before rosh hashana and the aseres yemey tshuva to boot. For that I am thankful.

Baruch Hashem!

BTW a tzaddik doesn't mean someone with a long white beard that fasts from shabbos to shabbos, a tzaddik could mean even someone who like us who are struggling but we are doing the best we could with what we have and continuing to strive to get better.

Hi Metatron,

I am humbled by your humility . I wish you bracha and hatzlacha!

Welcome and welcome back.

Sounds like you are on a real good path.

Continued hatzlachah.

I would like to take credit for humility but I cannot. This disease had a way of humiliating me. I should have seen things unravel first when arrogance and anger returned. I am through the into in the white book. Looking to get through it cover to cover. Looking forward to my first group meeting Sunday. Gut Shabbos everyone.

Humility is a BIG key to success. I think it shows from your posts. Of course you cannot take credit for humility, that would be an oxymoron .

I think it is the missing ingredient in many peoples "avodah" of trying to get better by "figuring it out".

Your posts are quite refreshing!

Hashem blessed me with a very beautiful and sober weekend. Was great being at the meeting. I very much long for a closer relationship with hkbh and am hoping I never forget to see his miracles in my life like I have forgotten in the past.

With praise to hkbh i am very slowly starting to see the clouds of addiction disperse in the face of the sunlight of recovery. Had a good meeting yesterday. Beginning from step one again which is admitting that we have no control over lust and recognizing that our life has become unmanageable as a result. This is an easy step for me. Painful but so obviously true that it's easy in a sad sad way. I'm saddened that I am writing out my step one again. When i did it last about 5 years ago I thought that the chapter had ended and that I had written my last word on the subject. For the greater part of 4 years it held true but alas here we are again. I held on to my last one for about a year but I think maybe for this one to be the last version it may pay to hold on to it a little longer.

Metatron wrote:


Great post!
And yes, this truth does hurt at times.
When I said the serenity prayer this mornin', I added a bit: God, grant me the serenity to accept the thin's i cannot change, and that is that i was addicted to lust, I am addicted to lust and in all probability, will always remain addicted to lust.

and yet, grant me the courage to change the thin's i can, and that is to stop lookin' (whichever point that is).

b'hatzlachah