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My Story - Thank Gd
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TOPIC: My Story - Thank Gd 99274 Views

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 04 May 2018 16:44 #330683

  • Hashem Help Me
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Of course there is an ultimate goal for one to identify the source of acting out, be it pain or something else, and then deal with the issues, retrain the thought process, and heal one's self from from the need to act out in the first place. However, many are not up to that amount of self work, or do not see the need for it. If they replace the compulsion to do issurim like viewing pornography and masturbating with compulsive posting on GYE or with escaping life by watching kosher videos, they should be blessed. Besides the ruchniyus gain in their cheshbon of mitzvos vs. aveiros, and besides the segula that tahara brings a person, they will have removed a major cause of pain anguish and guilt from their lives.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 06 May 2018 01:47 #330704

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A few of his.
Shemira - Great post that was

KOPAT!!
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 10 May 2018 16:33 #330915

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 May 2018 16:44:
Of course there is an ultimate goal for one to identify the source of acting out, be it pain or something else, and then deal with the issues, retrain the thought process, and heal one's self from from the need to act out in the first place. However, many are not up to that amount of self work, or do not see the need for it. If they replace the compulsion to do issurim like viewing pornography and masturbating with compulsive posting on GYE or with escaping life by watching kosher videos, they should be blessed. Besides the ruchniyus gain in their cheshbon of mitzvos vs. aveiros, and besides the segula that tahara brings a person, they will have removed a major cause of pain anguish and guilt from their lives.

Hey. Didn't get a chance until now to write something. Too busy with life.
Just kidding 

Thanks HHM.

I just wasn't to clarify that although my post sounded like it was laying things out for all (I guess because I used words like, "people” and “they”), it was really coming from very personal experience, which I saw at least somewhat related to Mark's experience. It wasn’t intended to claim that I know the extent that this experience should relate to others. But I did say "often" because this is what I heard from people who I believe have the license to say so. However, I don’t know where you stand on this, as on one hand you said that “there is an ultimate goal for one to identify the source of acting out”, but on the other hand that “many do not see the need for it”. Did you mean that it is an ultimate goal for all? It would be nice if you can clarify that for me.
(I will add that my point might have been a little broader than the nicely laid out formula that you presented).


Again, I can't say what's good for others. I'm still at the stage of what is good for myself. But I must say that my gut feeling is that no form of escape is healthy for anyone. Perhaps I am understanding the concept of ‘escape’ differently then you. What I mean by escape is the inability to accept life. Substitutes for inappropriate behavior aren’t pointless. Distractions from ‘the daily grind’ may be healthy. But my personal opinion is that they should always fall under the rubric, the umbrella of life; not running away from it.

While I’m at it, I’ll add that I heard that a siman for if a behavior is ‘escaping’ is if it is done compulsively. K. I’m maskim that this isn't so simple. People can buy a bag of chips compulsively, and if they don’t see any reason to watch their sodium or fat intake, then it probably won’t be too detrimental to their lives (at least for the time being that is). But I don’t think that any activity done on impulse should be blessed. Compulsion can be very dangerous. Especially if it is to shove deep-seated whatever under the rug.

Hope I am not coming across as some shmo bursting in on things, presenting sweeping statements about life and how everyone should do things. I am a shmo. But let's just leave it at that. 
All the best

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 10 May 2018 16:44 #330916

Markz wrote on 06 May 2018 01:47:
A few of his.
Shemira - Great post that was

KOPAT!!

Nice. I saw a book from R Twerski called "Seek Sobriety, Find Serenity", that had a short thing for every day of the year. Looked like good stuff. Perhaps one day you can be his shliach and start a "Inspiration From R Twerski" thread and post what he writes for that day. 
Of course that would entail posting much more 

Thanks. I think I'm finally actually starting to figure out your KO's. 

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 10 May 2018 16:56 #330917

Markz wrote on 27 Mar 2018 02:49:
I was driving on the highways and byways my usual speed today, dodging traffic and hitting the max speed (A few miles above the limit but below cop-siren ticketing - there is a formula that Truckers use), and I know Rabbi Twersky talks about speeding...

And then it struck me... (No not the guardrail)

Why do I speed? Because I want/need to get to a destination and do something constructive there.

In other words, there's no real fulfillment in the present situation (sitting in traffic... or behind another car crawling at 75mph... beep beep move over).

I believe someone that's living what Rabbi Twersky calls a 'spiritual' life, could be more present, and therefore more relaxed too, especially if I have a nice Torah Class playing to pass my time...

It's a pipe dream.

Here's a secret... I got home and I'm still running around (Not at 95mph - I'm not a teenager anymore ;-(.

So I guess, "Living life starts at home" b4 we hit the road / start trucking!

Gnite bothers

Nice.
 What about trying to do it with out anything to pass the time, even a nice Torah class?
I know. It sounds really crazy and strange. But i think there is a chance that R Twerski might agree that it's worth a try...

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 10 May 2018 17:39 #330922

  • Markz
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shmirashachaim wrote on 10 May 2018 16:44:

Markz wrote on 06 May 2018 01:47:
A few of his.
Shemira - Great post that was

KOPAT!!

Nice. I saw a book from R Twerski called "Seek Sobriety, Find Serenity", that had a short thing for every day of the year. Looked like good stuff. Perhaps one day you can be his shliach and start a "Inspiration From R Twerski" thread and post what he writes for that day. 
Of course that would entail posting much more 

Thanks. I think I'm finally actually starting to figure out your KO's. 

Shoot. He cancelled his call
I was looking forward to a hot KOKO!
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 10 May 2018 22:54 #330941

  • Hashem Help Me
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shmirashachaim wrote on 10 May 2018 16:33:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 May 2018 16:44:
Of course there is an ultimate goal for one to identify the source of acting out, be it pain or something else, and then deal with the issues, retrain the thought process, and heal one's self from from the need to act out in the first place. However, many are not up to that amount of self work, or do not see the need for it. If they replace the compulsion to do issurim like viewing pornography and masturbating with compulsive posting on GYE or with escaping life by watching kosher videos, they should be blessed. Besides the ruchniyus gain in their cheshbon of mitzvos vs. aveiros, and besides the segula that tahara brings a person, they will have removed a major cause of pain anguish and guilt from their lives.


Hey. Didn't get a chance until now to write something. Too busy with life.
Just kidding 

Thanks HHM.

I just wasn't to clarify that although my post sounded like it was laying things out for all (I guess because I used words like, "people” and “they”), it was really coming from very personal experience, which I saw at least somewhat related to Mark's experience. It wasn’t intended to claim that I know the extent that this experience should relate to others. But I did say "often" because this is what I heard from people who I believe have the license to say so. However, I don’t know where you stand on this, as on one hand you said that “there is an ultimate goal for one to identify the source of acting out”, but on the other hand that “many do not see the need for it”. Did you mean that it is an ultimate goal for all? It would be nice if you can clarify that for me.
(I will add that my point might have been a little broader than the nicely laid out formula that you presented).


Again, I can't say what's good for others. I'm still at the stage of what is good for myself. But I must say that my gut feeling is that no form of escape is healthy for anyone. Perhaps I am understanding the concept of ‘escape’ differently then you. What I mean by escape is the inability to accept life. Substitutes for inappropriate behavior aren’t pointless. Distractions from ‘the daily grind’ may be healthy. But my personal opinion is that they should always fall under the rubric, the umbrella of life; not running away from it.

While I’m at it, I’ll add that I heard that a siman for if a behavior is ‘escaping’ is if it is done compulsively. K. I’m maskim that this isn't so simple. People can buy a bag of chips compulsively, and if they don’t see any reason to watch their sodium or fat intake, then it probably won’t be too detrimental to their lives (at least for the time being that is). But I don’t think that any activity done on impulse should be blessed. Compulsion can be very dangerous. Especially if it is to shove deep-seated whatever under the rug.

Hope I am not coming across as some shmo bursting in on things, presenting sweeping statements about life and how everyone should do things. I am a shmo. But let's just leave it at that. 
All the best


There was nothing wrong with your original post and you are not any more of a shmo than I am....

To answer your question - Idealistically we all should find true serenity in life. Many don't have the stamina, or think they don't have the inborn kochos to do so. If they live a generally happy life and avoid issurim, yes they should be blessed even if they avoid getting to that most desired matzav. If they are acting compulsively to the extent where it negatively affects their quality of life or the quality of life of those around them, then obviously they should seek help. And of course, all of this is only my own personal opinion and it may very well be 100% wrong.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 11 May 2018 00:10 #330947

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Wow wow!

I asked my Rav advice last night for personal and marriage stuff... with interesting responses.

I can't share it all lest some of you think it's applicable to you and it is person specific.

About SA which im seriously considering he basically said the same as my therapist.

They both know of many people in SA, my Rav knows Magidei shiur etc that go. But both know me quite well and don't feel it's what I need. Not that they're totally against it.

And cordnoy said to me yesterday "if you feel your life is spiralin' do it", and I don't feel that it is

So this is where I stand. And yes I should be more in contact with my partner WG. I'm gonna try that...

Maybe I'll add more later

Love you all!!
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Last Edit: 11 May 2018 00:16 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 13 May 2018 05:02 #330993

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Markz wrote on 11 May 2018 00:10:
Wow wow!

I asked my Rav advice last night for personal and marriage stuff... with interesting responses.

I can't share it all lest some of you think it's applicable to you and it is person specific.

About SA which im seriously considering he basically said the same as my therapist.

They both know of many people in SA, my Rav knows Magidei shiur etc that go. But both know me quite well and don't feel it's what I need. Not that they're totally against it.

And cordnoy said to me yesterday "if you feel your life is spiralin' do it", and I don't feel that it is

So this is where I stand. And yes I should be more in contact with my partner WG. I'm gonna try that...

Maybe I'll add more later

Love you all!!

Yeah- your partner WG is eagerly awaiting!

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 13 May 2018 12:22 #331000

Hope things work out

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 06 Jun 2018 03:30 #331771

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I got a personal request from the great cord for step 4. It looks great - but not for me - id have to do any of this with my therapist. I'm happy he is clearly in touch with his feelin's.

A different thing he's mentioned is to write out my acting out story. 
I don't see myself as an addict, but have started to write a draft, and it's not pretty, at all... :-(

I noted the acting out and my approx age next to each line. It's amazing how much we try forget and stuff away...

Even what happened last week...

Thanks for letting me share :-(
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 06 Jun 2018 14:34 #331802

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Hi Mark,
Just want to share that working the step 4 worksheets with Cordnoy a few years ago helped me in a completely different way that years of therapy did not accomplish. While I would like to be arrogant enough to assume that just because that was true for me makes it true for anyone else, the reality is not that way and there are very good reasons why it was that way for me that I don't think apply to you. However, I would at least suggest the option of working this step as an add-on, not replacement, to therapy.
I'm happy to shmooze if you're up for it.
Hatzlacha!
Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 17 Jun 2018 21:52 #332332

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WorkingGuy my PC took a turn from the "Smart World" - with your encouragement - I added a Filter a for certain images, which saved me at least for today, OFAAT!
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 18 Jun 2018 01:29 #332335

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No, i don't rely on my filters

Fences work to keep my life in focus

They don't help at all when I'm slipping

Same reason I use "block-sites" chrome extension to block some famous news sites...
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 23 Aug 2018 18:46 #334944

  • Markz
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Me fell 2am (forgot to update the calendar yesterday, made a month...)

I'm up and running again!

Actually the 'Me' and the 'I' are 2 different guys

Till 11:59pm I'm Captain Kirk (read the 1st Dov Quote below)
After 12am I'm Captain Quirk. 

I hope we both get to meet sometime soon, preferably in a pleasant setting...
My Story---------Dov Quotes


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Last Edit: 23 Aug 2018 19:05 by Markz.
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