Strugglingtomakeit wrote:


I agree with you. Of course, the pictures aren't the actual drug. They stimulate our neurochemical pathways in a way that we are addicted to. It's just a figure of speech to call them the drug -- a useful way to perceive lustful stimuli.

Looking at women inappropriately and thinking lustful thoughts can give us small (or large) hits of the drug. Eventually they build up our craving for a binge -- P&M, or fantasy and M -- total escape from reality).

The way to intercept the cycle is with the small hits -- checking out women, erotic daydreams, replaying mental images. By avoiding these, we can cool down the cravings. The more we avoid it, the easier this whole thing gets.

I, like some other people I'm sure have a problem with fall that come from being in the shower for me personally its the feelings i get from the shower. I know there is another forum that was open but i got too lazy to find it. My problem is usually on Fridays when i have longer to shower because I'm not in a rush for work, But the powers that be helped me today to keep my streak Going. Hope this is a sign of more good days to come.

Many if us don't really believe in "signs" to predict our sobriety, anyway.
Just keep doing what you know works. That's the best sign.

Good to hear.
It's important for each of us to recognize those situations in which we are most vulnerable and be extra cautious.
If I want to avoid having sex with myself in the shower, I'm going to need a plan.
For me, the plan is to wash quickly, don't luxuriate, and get out.
I also follow the Shulchan Aruch's seder of washing (top down, right before left) as a way to remember that I'm always in the presence of Hashem.
Have a great clean day

i also used to have a problem in the shower, (although at that point everywhere was a problem), fortunately i don't anymore. However, what i did find helpful in terms of the shower was going in with the purpose of getting clean and getting out. shampoo, soap and outta there. if i kept that mindset then i didn't really have time to act out and i was always doing s/t. i used to make it fun by trying to see how quickly i can shower, it became like a game almost.

This morning i had a close call while i was in the shower, then it pushed hard all the way until i got dressed, it was a hard battle but somehow i over came the feeling. It was s great feeling when i overcame it all, then i left the house so i couldn't act out.

you said:
"But P&M are not really the problem, and this is where most people fall off the wagon before they even get on.
I don't have a P&M problem, I have a lust problem.
I am addicted to lust and lusting.
This takes many forms, but they generally fall under two headings:
What we see and what we think.

Looking at a pretty face is lusting.
Watching women on television is lusting.
Looking at women in advertisements is lusting.
And thinking lustful thoughts is lusting.
All these things build up tension, and P&M are the release -- the fall that is caused by the slips.
Then the process starts again.

So cold turkey can work well, provided we're really completely off the drug. No weaning. We just stop. Cold turkey. Bulletproof shmiras eynayim. Verbally surrendering lustful thoughts and images to Hashem, verbally turning over our lust to Him, begging Him to take our lust. That's what cold turkey means. No drug.

Once we're off the drug, it's helpful to replace the bad habit with new good habits. Like developing healthy relationships with family and friends, exercising, re-connecting with Hashem, learning"
It might be preposterous to comment but: Great point!
How can one stop lusting? This the big problem. Cold Turkey? I tried it and tried it. Probably over a thousand times. You'd say get yourself a package with meaning in life. I am in kollel (although not able to be there most of the time due to a physical condition). I learn Torah and do Mitzvos.
When you say: when done correctly it should have to the power to save us from lusting. But the yetzers pull is so strong.

Thanks
ShmaYisroel

Strugglingtomakeit wrote:


You can always join the GYE group....

G (ey tzum shower)
Y (eder)
E (rev rosh chodesh)

I thought it was "every other Rosh Chodesh"?

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/210070-Mikvah-Night---Edition--24?limit=15&start=1155#250985

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:


I see lots of good stuff on that page, but no shower talk; maybe I missed it.

Cords, I guess you missed it b/c you became serious at that point, however I had a good laugh. Check it out again!

belmont4175 wrote:


yep; I missed it again; I dont even remember what ykw is.

How do you reach a bulletproof shemiras Eynayim? I always thought that this kind of behaviours (or rather madreigos) are only reached through building up Ahavas Hashem and Yiras Hashem. Because if you srty doing things which are way above your heintige medreiga you will only fall twice as hard (speaking from experience).

Thanks
ShmaYisroel

ShmaYisroel wrote:


That might work by some.

There are others ways as well, especially for addicts like me.

ShmaYisroel,

I don't view bulletproof (extremely consistent) shmiras eynayim as a madreiga.
It's simply part of the definition of sobriety from lust.

An alcoholic starting recovery stops drinking cold turkey.
Bulletproof not drinking. Not even cough syrup made with alcohol.

What's bothering you? Not drinking isn't the same level of kedusha as not looking at women. Suddenly-not-looking-at-women is a madreiga that's been jumped to.

I hear the logic. But strict shmiras eynayim is just one component of being sober from lust. The one I am most in control of.

The harder battle (at least for me) was the struggle to take back my mind. The seemingly constant stream of remembered and imagined lustful images, fantasies, thoughts, plans. This battle wasn't won cold turkey. The only thing cold turkey is I decided not to let these thoughts stay.

I drew a line in time. I would no longer accept them. I would ask Hashem to take them. Every time. It took months.

The struggle still waxes and wanes. Most of the time it's easier. But if I let myself slip, once the thoughts feel welcome again, it's more of a struggle.

B"H it's never reverted all the way back to the original struggle.
That was murder--all day, every day. So was not looking at women. Thought I was going to die if I didn't check out this one.

In summary, the commitment is that from this point on, I will keep my guard up. I'm drawing a line in time and I'm stepping across it. I'm fully committed to sobriety. There's no going back. Cold turkey.

The fires, however, will go out when Hashem listens to our sincere tefillos to take our lust, lightening our burden so we can focus on real living.