i just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I have been suffering since i was a kid of 13, i used to go to the orthodendist every 2 weeks which was far from my home. On the way i passed a sleazy newspaper store. I used to go in and look through all the adult magazines without the store owner ever asking me to stop. the pictures I saw then haunted me for years and these activities started my addiction, I constantly fantasized about porn and found it impossible to stop. I always felt so guilty, but I continued non stop. I grew up, married, have a beautiful family Bh and am a leader in my community. My children are all yerei shomayim and I felt such a traitor.
The problem is that the need to view porn has NEVER LEFT ME! i always thought I was a pure animal, a disgusting person, became internally depressed and felt terribly empty and disloyal to everyone around me.
i would have periods of chizuk but then i would fall so hard it really hurt.
All this until I came accross an article describing GYE in the Hamodia recently. I logged in the very next day, downloaded the Handbook and literaly cried my way through it. I am well over 40 and I never ever knew how many people suffer from the same problems as i do, the feeling of 'imcha onoichi betzara' was so powerful when I read that handbook.
I read your Chizuk mails every single day, you have changed my life. Within the space of two months I have made a turnabout. i have not once viewed porn, i walk around the streets saying under my breath 'Alert, Avert, Affirm'! and it helps, amazing! i am proud of myself, i am happier, I can daven and learn, my mind is clearer, I feel more honest with myself. My thoughts still haunt me, I suppose they always will, but I know that these are thoughts of the past, I no longer feed these thoughts, I will get past them.
If i could meet you personally I would hug you, never have I received so much chizuk, never have I been able to express my feelings to anyone.
Teilchu mechayil el choyil, you should be gebencht, thank you for saving my life, thank you for continually holding my hand.

Welcome
Great stuff.
Keep it up.

Bhatzlachah

Hi and thanks for posting? I am just wondering was it just porn or was it also Z"L? If so have you fought off the Z"l problem too?
I am struggling with this issue currently. While I can wihhold from porn, I can't seem to break away from masterbating. At first I thought Ok so at-least I won't do porn. But the truth is like many posted unless you kill the roots (which in problem is the inner desire) you are not really breaking anything. As long as one still thinks about zenus he will always be looking to satisfy that desire. So I have reached the realization thanks to GYE that I must gut the root problem, which is my mindset. I just don't know how to.

altityaesh613 wrote:


Welcome!

For more on the "Three-Second-Rule" ("Alert, avert, and affirm") that Altityaesh is referring to, see the link below.


guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/29707-Three-Second-Rule--Other-Ideas-and-Insights#244636

WELCOME! I'm glad to hear you are doing well. Keep us posted on your progress, and even if C"V you regress. We are here for you.

Thank you for posting. In doing so you give back to the community and help inspire others in the way you have been inspired. Besides for the Chizuk from the story, I had never heard of "alert/avert/affirm" but now have followed some of the posts to other posts on the subject and hope to begin to utilize it.

Hatzlacha!

Welcome Altityaesh and altityaesh indeed!!!

Great post and thanks for sharing!!!

Looking forward to hearing more from you be"h.

Wishing you loads of hatzlachah and Keep Up The Good Work (KUTGW)!!!

hi and thanks for replying,
basically it is mostly porn and terrible fantasizing, but of course it has come to z'l too often enough.
the daily chizuk mails are great, i force myself to read them even when i'm not in the mood
be strong, we're in this battle to win! anyone can lose!

altityaesh613 wrote:


anyone can win as well.

have you learned any mussar lately?