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Trying to avoid rock bottom
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TOPIC: Trying to avoid rock bottom 4338 Views

Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 16:53 #257376

  • bezrasH
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Hey Everyone,
Just wanted to share my story and see if anyone had advice for me....
I'm married with 2 kids and have been addicted to lust since about 8th grade. I've always been able to keep it from ppl and everyone thinks im a normal guy with no issues. I have many friends, a great wife and amazing kids BH, but I cannot break free of this addiction.
Beginning around 8th grade, I started m******ing, looking at p***, and my home growing up had a computer and TV that were private enough that it was so easy. I became more frum after high school when I went to learn in Israel, I live in yeshivish community now with no TV, filtered internet, but one major problem is my computer at work (which I bring home for the weekends too). Even the fact that at my job they can technically check what I've been looking at has not been a deterrent. I am always looking at every girl on the street, I still fantasize about relationships I had in high school that I can't get out of my head. Im trying this 90 day plan and I've been clean 12 days BH so that's been a start. But I've done things like this on my own before and even if it lasted a few months it always ended badly. Hoping that if I can be part of a group, it will help be mechazeik me.....

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 17:01 #257377

  • Bigmoish
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Welcome to the group. We hope so too.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 19:21 #257387

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! You have come to the right place. Your story is so common. So many have been helped here. Read the handbook. Post and read. Try some of the suggestions and see what works for you. Having a chevra definitely helps. If you can talk to someone in person, that is best. Hatzlacha! Mazal tov on taking the first important step!

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 21:06 #257405

  • bezrasH
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Thanks for the warm welcome! Can I start with a quick question? I work in a big city, where in the summer, you cannot go 5 steps without seeing MAJOR pritzus.... It seems 100% impossible to avoid seeing anything, and when I do, my mind goes straight to where it shouldn't. How do people avoid this?

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 21:17 #257409

  • lomed
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Welcome home.

This place is nice warm place where the members share the same story. Although recovery is for everyone different, the fact that we work together gives the opportunity to recover and strengthen ourselves. We share ideas and at the end we will win the battle. Now that you joined take in your mind that you are on the winning team! It may take time but at the end you will win. As there is a Vort: והיה עקב תשמעון the end will be that you will listen.

Hatzlacha
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 21:43 #257410

  • cordnoy
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Welcome
We have all sorts of issues. ...our eyes, our minds and more.

But, we gotta recover.

Bhatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 22 Jun 2015 22:29 #257416

  • shlomo613
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Welcome BEH,
I'm so glad you joined. You should have much hatzlacha. Do keep posting.
I really feel for you because I've been through it.
Oh those sweet sights of those gorgeous women (I won't get any more graphic).
How we think they are goodness and we feast our eyes because we want a piece of it.
And yet, we ended up here. Why? In what way did it not deliver on our expectations an hopes?
I'm just talking through aloud some of the questions I have to ask myself from time to time when I find myself wavering.
Hatzlacha our friend,
Shlomo

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 23 Jun 2015 02:06 #257428

  • serenity
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Welcome to GYE!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 23 Jun 2015 02:18 #257429

  • yiraishamaim
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Hi bezrasH

You have arrived at the right place. Keep posting. Here you can really succeed. So many are doing so.

Thank you for allowing us to enter your life.

The guys here are breath of fresh air, provide a shoulder to lean on and give sagely advice.

I for one am eternally grateful to them

Hatzlacha!

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 23 Jun 2015 16:18 #257499

  • bezrasH
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Thanks everyone!

I am BH closing in on 2 weeks, but I can't say it's getting easier with time. My yeitzer hara is just dying to win out on me today! Its like a voice saying "why bother - u think you can live like this FOREVER?" Even though I've been "clean" so far, I still catch myself looking all over the street and taking it all in. I feel like it's all piling up on me and its just a matter of time until I break c"V..... how do I get that positive energy back that I started with 2 weeks ago??

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 23 Jun 2015 16:26 #257501

  • yiraishamaim
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Certain arguments that are being heard in your head we all have heard.

For instance: everyone does it? I am destined to fail anyway?

Yet, so many can break free and I"H so will you?

You got 2 weeks - great - build on that achievement. Like a wise man always says "If you can do 14 days you can do 1!"

Enjoy every day you are sober. You are accomplishing. That beats a trillions times over the sense of failure and depression you will surely feel if you engage in the degenerate behavior you reached out to the forum to stay away from in the first place.

We all get you - been there - done that.

You're doing great, continue to choose life.

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 24 Jun 2015 14:51 #257588

  • bezrasH
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Just wanted to share what I thought was a tremendous chizuk I saw in the sefer "Esa Einaiy" on shemiras einayim (which I highly recommend):

We often think about how terrible it is to look at things we shouldn't, but to offer a different perspective, he points out that EVERY TIME a person chooses NOT to look at something he shouldn't, he actually fulfills the mitzvah deoraiysa of "Lo sasuru acharei levavchem v'acharei eineichem". That means, someone who walks down the street and passes dozens of improperly dressed people, or avoids looking at inappropriate images on a computer, is actually fulfilling DOZENS of mitzvos medeoraiysa!!! What an opportunity we have! Especially those of us here who may find this to be harder than the average guy (l'fum tzaara agra). I found this to be incredibly encouraging, and helped put some enthusiasm into this challenge...
Hope this is helpful.

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 24 Jun 2015 16:01 #257599

  • yiraishamaim
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Love it! Thank you for that.

Of course by choosing a more tznuisdik street to walk down or putting up a proper filter we are achieving so much by deliberately by-passing a good deal of the nisayon.

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 24 Jun 2015 16:04 #257600

  • gibbor120
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bezrasH wrote:
Just wanted to share what I thought was a tremendous chizuk I saw in the sefer "Esa Einaiy" on shemiras einayim (which I highly recommend):
I also highly recommend it!

Re: Trying to avoid rock bottom 24 Jun 2015 16:31 #257610

  • serenity
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the deliberate part is when I'm lost. A disease of the mind. If I pass that "nisayon" stam on the way is one thing. If I deliberately go that way hoping to pass that "nisayon" oy for me. The nisayon is my thought process.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.
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