Hi everyone,
I am overwhelmed when I come here because there is just SO much material here that I don't know where to start, and if I do start, I will wind up starting too many things. So I figured to just bite the bullet and post here, introduce myself and see what happens.
I've logged in before and this has happened already, haven't logged in in a few years. Anyhow, what pushed me to come here, aside from the bombardment on YWN of ads, is probably a revelation I have had recently. I have been plagued with certain chronic pains and was reading some books by Dr. John Sarno. In it, he basically says that most back pain, and other chronic conditions are really just the body's way of ignoring emotional issues (i would love for someone to correct my interpretation as clarity would probably help me with them.) Pain manifests itself to divert attention to emotional issues and anger. Anyhow, I realized that the issue that is probably causing this pain is the fact that I have all these 'secrets'. The fact that they are there, hiding, is certainly attributing to some, if not all, of the pain. I haven't m**** in about a month, have stopped for years, then slowly got back into it after years of not doing it (grew up Modern, got 'frummer' (whatever that means) then slowly slipped, even as a card carrying frum person. Eventually, thanks to the internet etc, it hit the point of chatting and porn. I haven't done porn in about a month, and before that also about a month, so slip ups are there, but the intervals have been getting longer. Really, what I think, and help me if I am wrong, is that I need to open myself up, at least anonymously, as admitting the problem is usually the first step, aside from viduy (bapeh) is also an integral part of teshuva- please correct me if that isn't true. What I am the most scared of is 'having' to admit the issue to my wife. Obviously, it would kill her, but perhaps the real reason I don;t want to admit it to her, is not because of her, it's probably more selfish. I probably just don't want her to think badly of me. Even though I can be a super jerk to people at times (also maybe partly due to holding back so much stuff.... Anyhow, I am going to leave this as it is now, so at least I can get some comments and at least start something. I am pretty open to questions, it is easier than spilling my guts, although, I probably should, that would probably be a huge relief.

Anyhow, nice to meet you all. Let me know what you think.

Welcome, you are at the right place.

I can relate to you about the secret keeping from our wives.

Just stay here and keep posting, with time you will get the proper help.

Welcome,

you sound like you are bein' strong and doin' fairly well.
Keep at it!

b'hatzlachah further

Welcome Wantshelp31.
You're right. Posting here connects you to everyone, so you can't just not log in again for 2 weeks. Everyone will want to know how you've been keeping up.
Not telling you're wife may have something to do with your own feelings, but it has a lot to do with her as well. It's been a big machlokes here on the forum weather it is better to tell her, so she can help with the recovery, or not to, so she won't hinder it. It really depends on who she is. No women will be happy about this and it will be a long haul, but some women can come to an understanding about the issue and will help there husband grow, while with others it will hurt them so much, that they will not be able to understand what this is all about.
As far as where to start from, aside for the forum, the 90 day chart is very useful as well as the handbook. The handbook is very long but it is divided into sections to make it easier to read, and it is packed with information to help us get this issue under control.
Good luck, and keep on posting
SG

WELCOME! Don't worry about telling your wife. At least not yet. How about telling someone else. Someone you are close with and trust, or perhaps after some time on the forum, someone here.

It is overwhelming at first. Keep posting and reading, and before long, you will get the hang of it.

I've been here almost 4 years now (I think). It's a great chevra. You are not alone. Keep posting.