hello everyone.
i started a thread called "please help, advice chizuk needed". there is told over my story and have had conversations and son on..i was clean since that time for 22 days.
i have fallen 2 days ago, and just now i fell again.
i am at a very critical stage in my life right now, before marriage.
this issue is eating me up alive.
i look forward to starting the 90 day chart again and stronger fence and tools...
lets keep a conversation moving here.

i hear ya, i fell yesterday amd feeling the pull already to do it again. I find it confusing because i do know how bad it is and that by acting out, it makes it harder to recover, and yet i still remember the temporary sweet taste i got.

Hi dontevergivein,

Feel your pain. Sometimes we tend to miss assess ourselves. We think, ok i will start the 90 chart and that will be the end of all this stuff. This leads that if/when we fall we get so depressed, because we thought that since i am clean for so and so days i will never fall again. The fact of the matter is that even if we have many many clean days, we still may fall. our urges and desires compulsiveness run after us even if we were clean for hundreds of days. When we fall again, that is normal action of a person like us. If only we would realize that this is a challenge for lifetime, and we may be clean for many days, and we may also fall many times, at least we wouldn't become depressed. Whats wrong with me? Nothing, that is how our kind of people act.

I have a special kick reading the 90 day chart. Why? because i see many chaveirim that are at day 15, and have 250 or more cumulative days, and longest streak of over 90 days. What happened they fell after succeeding for many days, they picked them selves up, and started from the beginning!!!

Beginning?????? not at all. they are much stronger than before they started, and they are ready to start over.

Hi dontevergivein,

I've been there, and its terrible. You want to just give up - but don't! You may have lost a battle, but you haven't lost the war. Forget about your past and your future, just think about TODAY. If you win today and stay clean, then you are a winner and one step closer to winning the war. You showed yourself you could win. You did it for 20+ days. You can do it again.

Realize also that as you stay clean, your body hormones need time to adjust to that (at least with me it was this way). Your fences have to be much stronger than they were until now, because any small stimulus will set you off (unfortunately, I know this only all to well) .

hello everyone.
thanks for the feedback...i was able to hold for 3 days, but i just fell again now.
i gave a donation to guard your eyes and i pledge to do so again if i fall chas vesholom.
its hard for me to understand this whole issue of acting out. yes, being a frum jew i feel bad when this happens. but i also tell myself, "hey, this is a regular thing in the world, being a male, this is just the way the body works, and it is considered normal in the world."
i know this is not the proper way of looking in things...but im just saying.
i don't look at porn. i have no interest in that. i thik it is disgusting. (of course i have come across it, but not lately)
i just need to let that urge of acting out from time to time. and that would come through looking at a picture of a pretty woman, not normal.
is this not normal?
i know it is wrong....but this is life and the way we were created.
please comment.
i am looking forward to continue the talk here.
i am looking forward to a new start iyh with new fences and powers.

DEGI,
I think you're doing well. You've got a problem, you can articulate it, you're young, and you're reaching out so that you don't hit rock bottom. Kol hakavod for doing all the above, and for wanting a better life where you're not dragged down by all this stuff. I was in a much worse place than you at the time I got married, doing none of the above. And I paid a high price for it.
I detect some shame in your message, doubting if you're normal, and maybe even more than what you have revealed (maybe I'm projecting my past onto you).
You should consider yourself fortunate that you are here with chaveirm such are us who are so similar in our not-normallness. And in truth there probably is no such thing as normal. I believe others have said that lust (and what comes with the internet) is the nisayon of our generation (think how many fell by the wayside with shmiras shabbos in a previous generation). So these things are what life in our generation is all about so welcome to the club at the forefront of this struggle.
I wish you lots of Mazal for your forthcoming wedding. I'm sure many others will have other wisdom to share.
Shlomo

Lusting for women is certainly normal.

However there is a point that it becomes overly habitual/compulsive and therefore sickly.

The following you know already but it's helpful to hear these thoughts from time to time.

To understand how to live in this world - our go to resource is the holy book of instructions.

"Normal" is only somewhat interesting to us. Our job is to take our desires, passions, lusts and what have you and deal with them appropriately. Sometimes we need to simply negate our feelings. Sometimes we need to harness them and utilize appropriately. That is our mission. In fact that is the true spice of life.
I once heard a mashal given by Rabbi Avigdor Miller zt"l. In short it was a truck driver, hired to go from New York to L.A. and make an important delivery. Upon his return the boss asks him "Did you deliver the goods?" The driver answers "Wow it was a great trip I stopped off at a great restaurant on the way." Again the boss asks " But did you deliver the goods?" The driver responds "You know there was an old fashioned drive-in movie theater that I went to" Once more "But did you deliver the goods" The driver answers " I met an old friend just outside of L.A. and we shmoozed for hours about old times....

Eventually this journey of ours is terminated - What our we gonna say when asked:

Did you deliver the goods?

dontevergivein@gmail.com wrote:


I dont think porn is disgustin'
Some may be
there are disgustin' sports (women's badminton), foods (black jelly beans), television shows (Three men, a zebra and a boxin' glove), houses (anywhere in Detroit), mayors (ditto, or Wash D.C.) and more.
Is actin' out normal? Sure it is!
Is it too much for you?
does it bother you?
Can you stop?
Additionally, is that what God wants from you?

Think it over.

b'hatzlachah

Lots of things are "considered" normal in "the world". If you want to go down that road, why bother with the Torah. The torah teaches us what is "really" normal.

G-d created you, and G-d created your desires. He gave us instructions as to how he wants us to live. I'm not sure what there is to "think" about. It sounds more like you are just frustrated. "How can G-d expect me not to masturbate? It's too hard- aaaagh!"

Yes, it is hard, especially in today's world, but many sex addicts are in recovery, and have been for years. It must be possible. You just need the tools.

That is what GYE is for .