So 'here I am'....I'm Justmetoo. I have checked out GYE off and on but never made a sincere move to try and get there/here. I guess, like many others maybe I thought I'm not that bad off, or maybe the whole addiction/illness model didn't apply to me. I don't think I'm special that way; I just always assumed everyone struggles with this, and I'm also normal.

I can't anymore. (period)

I don't know where this new journey will take me but status quo is no longer acceptable. The slippery slope is not really where I want to be.

When we learn throughout Navi that avodah zarah was rampant and took over large portions of klal yisrael, we think to ourselves how could they fall for that, worshiping rocks makes no sense. All I can think is, I get it! Without Chazal davening to remove the pleasure of that experience it would be just as great an issue today. Unlike avodah zarah, in order to preserve society, Chazal chose to keep the pleasure associated with procreation in tact. Yes, and here we are, here I am....yes indeed...Justmetoo, trying to get a grip on this all consuming need, secured by decades of reinforcing behaviors.

I can't do it alone (I still question this though), I am skeptical, I know better, it's normal, it's not, help!

I hope and pray: “Pischu Li Pesach K’Chudo Shel Machat, V’aani Eftach Lachem Pesach K’Pischo Shel Ulam"

I have to try.

Welcome to GYE!

You've come to the right place. We've been where you have been and can relate. We look forward to getting to know you better.

For the record. I am skeptical.

Looking forward to growing together!

WELCOME! Read the handbook. keep posting.

Thanks! Looking forward to getting there, just completely at a loss, is it really possible.
Looking at the numbers/days that so many here have- all I can say is whoa- really?!
How?

Don't worry about the numbers. Maybe showing them off is a bad idea. I think sharing milestones is good, but maybe not having it next to your name. Just a thought. Anyway, we like to say, one day at a time. Focus on today. Take recovery actions.

I didn't think about it that way. I found it actually inspiring, like wow is that really possible, learn something new everyday.

No way Gibbor! I mean yes way on most of what you said, But if the numbers weren't up there next to the name I don't know if I would still(be)going. The list of people on the 90 day chart is huge. Do people really go scrolling down. I've been keeping track on my own for yeeaarrss now. (not too hard, 1,2,1,1,2,) The chart works so well because we know that other people are looking.
Just my take anyway.
JMT, Welcome. Did you start a chart yet?
I hope you are successful and yes, you can be successful! We are trying to win the war here. Losing a battle (hope it never happens) doesn't mean that you lost the war.
Best of luck, and keep on posting.

Failure!

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

- Thomas A. Edison

thanks for that. I need all the chizuk I can get. it feels like since I've decided to try it's been more difficult. like I need to get it in before I really get a grip but then I feel like I don't have a grip. I know I want to be able to count myself among those who are successful here and how it will ultimately have a positive impact on my life; it's very difficult.I want it so much but it feels like I need a miracle to make it happen.

justmetoo wrote:


Somewhat the definition of bein' "powerless."

justmetoo wrote:

In my humble, unprofessional, and as of yet, unsuccessful opinion, taking things one day at a time means not thinking about whether I will be lust free down the line. Perhaps I will be "successful" and perhaps not. I can still harbor the hope of returning to my old habits tomorrow. Just give it up today. Thinking about the future (even tomorrow) will get us nowhere fast.

Hi JMT, Someone wrote on the forum, that worse then "Failure", is the failure to get up afterwards. We all fall. Yes, Even after joining GYE, people sometimes fall, but we NEED to get up again, to really believe that TODAY, I can be clean! On that note, I don't see your chart numbers up by your name. Are you still in it?

I get that, failure is debilitating when accompanied by overwhelming guilt. The double edged sword is that I understand this and cut myself plenty of slack with the understanding that bad feelings give a person an ongoing excuse to think less of themselves and continue the destructive path. I can usually be understanding of myself and differentiate the healthy remorse from guilt. BUT it doesn't make it that much easier.

I haven't started the chart, I want to be honest when I do and I want to have some success. I thought that day arrived last week, but habit/addiction/etc. brought me back to looking up 'stories.' Even without images, it would bring me back to zero.

Great to hear from you again. I'm not sure what you meant by "cutting slack". To me it seems that it would be best to just not even dwell and think about what happened before at all. (at least for the near future). Maybe that's what you meant anyway.
I heard what you're saying about the chart. You don't want to have to reset it every other day, and I don't know where you are holding, but the chart is not supposed to be just for posterity. It's purpose is to help us in not falling. But you are absolutely right that the chart (and all of our recuperation) can only work if we are honest, really honest.
Hope to see you there soon.
Best of luck
SG