stillgoing wrote:


stillgoing you are doing so well. Please focus on your own words "... yet some of my past mistakes..."

Be'ezras Hashem they will remain behind you. So as you continue living a life of Sobriety and meaning the old past mistakes change from being items of shame to medals of honor and distinction.
Because of how you CHOSE to deal with these mistakes you have elevated both yourself and so many others as well.

Appreciation

a bite to eat
a breath of fresh air
a walk in the park
a quick glance or stare

perhaps small things
in many a man's eye
who gives it a thought
no interest to buy

But for the wise
who value the reflection
they understand things' worth
that have no compensation

one must add to this list
that which deserves a benediction
living a meaningful life
without the burden of addiction

To simply exist
without the hunger or need
of pursuing the inappropriate
from slavery we are freed

With hearts full of gratitude
we forever sing thank you
to Hashem, source of all blessing
and the GYE crew

yiraishamaim wrote:


He did reply to an email or two from me. (I think it worked by fighting with him a bit) ...he says he's fighting the battle.

I told him we miss him but I didn't get a response.

pischoshelmachat

stillgoing
yiraishamaim

Well now you know, They are not past anymore but present. Actually as I am writing this I realize that It is past! So what if it's only 13 hours past and not 64 days past. If we only look at the moment (one day at a time) then right now it is past! Hurray! I started writing this gloomily and ended happily. It must be the kedusha emulating from the threads author.

stillgoing you are a good man

I know your gonna raise yourself up and get back on the sobriety road.

If I got a dime for every time I fell I would be a rich man

Kol Tuv and keep on posting!

Yoo da best!

Went to a meeting today. Now get this. I am over 50. I go to the receptionist and state my arrival and that I have an appointment. This young woman of maybe 25-30 has to smile at me.

Then when she says Mr. so and so can see you now. She says let me lead you to his office and walks in front of me up two flights - totally unnecessary.

I am not foolish enough to think she actually liked me. She probably just likes that men should notice her. I did not smile back or show her any interest.

However, as you can see thoughts are still lingering.

Again we see that nisyonos and triggers can pop up any time.

May G-d save us!

Some seriously addictive thinking there chaver.

serenity, I respect your opinion, unfortunately I don't think I understand it.

Perhaps I am thinking too deeply into your words.

Maybe she just gets paid to be courteous, and her job includes smiling at clients and escorting them to the boss's office?
I honestly don't think this is so farfetched. She prrobably went right back to her game of solitaire without giving you a second thought.

Oh I agree I was just displaying that it was a trigger.

I clearly stated she had no interest in me specifically.

yiraishamaim wrote:

I was just saying, לאו דוקא even that.

Good day today.

Learned, davened and no illusions of women trying to get my admiration.

Thanks for setting me straight.

You know this journey to sobriety is so precious. Lessons attained flow over to other parts of life.

I have definitely improved especially in my emunah.
For example my direct superior at work is a woman who has begun to be unreasonably difficult and demanding on me. The past couple of years many quality people in our organization have been let go and she hinted to me that perhaps I would be next.
I am handling it much better than I would of because of what I have learned and attained from the quest and journey to be free of lust.
As well, because I am sober for a while I also feel better about myself which makes for less anxiety.
I must admit that I still need more work on the emunah bitachon department but we all know that it takes constant work.
Thanks all for your continued support, but most of all for just being there.

Yiraishamayim,
An extra thank you for that post.