Hello Echet !

I'm happy to see you too in that forum :-)

My sponsor put me face the wall and push me to react.. and to be more forceful.

But it is not important because I still have Hachem with me, He will never abandon us :-)

I'm very happy to be with all of you in this struggle and to have an opportunity to work my english

So, you would rather communicate in English?
Drats!

Cordnoy, I'm impressed with votre French! No clue what you wrote but I see you know the Romance Language.
Bnei,
Sometimes i also feel so alone, so hopeless, so isolated, so broken but it is all the ruse of this cunning addiction. Lift up the veil and see all of us around you who are all experiencing to some degree your pain so we can truly feel with you. Stick with us, you will help us and we will help you!

In my humble opinion, which is based on some, but not on a lot of, knowledge and experience there are two approaches sponsors take. The approach that rings true to my ears is that you never ever abandon a sponsee. If the sponsee isn't active or doesn't call, you don't have to pursue them. If the calls become non-recovery related, you can redirect them. But to say don't call me ...., that bother's me.

Hatzlacha!

Hey Bnei!!

I wish I could give you exact directions, tell you exactly what you need to do. Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.

Change isn't easy, that is one thing that any person can tell you. That is why we only focus on the next step, one foot in front of the other.

What small thing can you start doing? Can you get a learning partner? Can you start learning something on your own? Can you maybe start a partnership just to shmooze with someone at a specific time each day?

How 'bout getting a hobby? Fishing, musical, art, hiking, I don't know.

Keep on coming back here, we'll (almost) never tell you to stop posting!!

Hi Bne, I'm so so sorry to hear your pain and loneliness.
You should see the light soon and feel Hashem's loving care for you.
I guess this difficult situation is a challenge and an opportunity. An opportunity to reflect on what got you into this situation, and also an opportunity to pray a tefillas oni (poor person) from a broken heart - because your back is against the wall.
Hatzlacha rabba. Be'ahava,
Shlomo

bneisrael555 wrote:


The prostitute did not want you ? That was a big Chesed from Hashem , not every body gets that lucky. Where i grew up all my friends , with only one exception , went periodically to them. B"H i was too shy and i never got the chance -- i was convinced i am missing the REAL life-- But Hashem made it in a way that i didnt get what i wanted.
Sadly enough your situation indicates that Resentments and anger could be running loose at this point of your life. There seems to be a lot of unfinished business that requires a lot of your attention. Have you tried a therapist ? Do you have children ? Whatever the case might be , being that you are struggling all by yourself , you need to lift your hand and reach out to G.od and get a tight grasp of Him. Only He is greater than all of what is going on in your life and Only He can give you the support that you so much need. I would've loved to help you if we would've lived in the same continent.Wishing you Hatzlacha.

YES ! I know that ;-) I remember, I was naked, waiting for her, and I prayed Hashem to save me !!

I fell better today, we are each day a new creature !
I'm very happy to see many messages from all of you !!

I had 2 rather long periods clean in my life (4 months), every time it was because I were happy, optimistic, and engaged in the study of Torah. But this was not sufficient, Hashem wants me to work on my self and correct my "midot". I have started this work (4th step of the SA program).

Anymore, as we know, Hashem tests us to check our emouna : He can do everything he wants to me, with Its aid, I will never abandon Him and the Torah !! I can fall hundreds of thousands times, I don't care, because I'm in the Emet !!!!

Hatzlacha

BONJOUR my friends :-)

I'm in my 2nd day clean after my big fall, and I feel good, happy and optimistic !

I've understood one thing : I must not think about things I must not do but about things I must do.. and I have to do it !
I'm not sure I'm very clear

For example, when I am to work, I have to do my job even though is boring.. If I do not do my job, I may start to go to Internet..
In my house, I have to study Torah and not lost my time..

I have to do my job, and Hashem will do Its Job !

I used to be often very optimistic and to think that all we be suddenly different.. but it is a fake !
I don't know why but I want to say do every body that I'm strong .. vanity!

In reality, I just want to go to Internet..
I post this message, because I've started to see some 'innocent' images, but if I don't stop, I know that in few minutes I will be on erotic videos, and fall again.

I'm powerless, and I need Help

We want to go to the internet but it's not an option for us, so we shouldn't dwell on it.

Good luck mon ami,
There's people here with better ideas than me. I'm sure Cordnoy will continue to give you good guidance.
My sense is you need a good SA group and loving friends.
You might continue to fall, but you will get there eventually because you want to, and because you are making small steps. Every bit of effort adds up and you will get to increasing sobriety and sanity.
You're going through a very difficult situation with your separation from wife so I think you need a lot of sympathy and warmth.
I hope that Hashem guides you in what to do for a good life. And by that I mean shalom in yourself, others and Gd.
By the way you were so lucky with the prostitute. Please don't go again!
I firmly believe that each person has certain sins that Gd does not want him to do and will stop him from doing - it's as simple as that.
(A long time ago I had a similar situation where Hashem stopped me more than once - so I'm talking from experience.) So don't bang your head against the wall because your head will crack! Just forget about stupid prostitutes, they are not the answer to your problems.
I hope you will find something positive that energises you.
We are looking forwards to hear much more from you - and one day soon you will be a senior poster here and on the French site, maybe leading a group of Jews who are going through separation or shalom bayis problems. So just keep trying and you will eventually find yourself with a beautiful and happy life (sante).
Shlomo

Hello mes amis, my friends !

Grande nouvelle, BIG news !

I'm using TaPhSiC Method since this morning.

I already tried this method 2 years ago, it prevented me to fall for 4 months. After that I was depressed because of my problem with me wife and go back to lust.

But now, I have GYE, SA group, and I work on the 12 steps !!

Hashem allows me to use that method again, it's a big gift from Him, and I am grateful for that !

So note this date : 30/04/2015 / 11 Iyyar 5775 = my first day free !

Dear bneisrael,

It's awesome that you are here, really trying!!

There are two different aspects of our addiction, one is how it makes us act, the other is how it makes us feel. If the way it made us feel were always based on the way we acted, I'm not so sure if we would have such a big problem. I know that by me, the terrible feeling of despair only comes after acting out quite a bit, and if I push away that feeling, then I'll have to wait another little bit until the feeling comes back, while the destructive actions continue unabated.

It's not only chizzuk that we need, although it is extremely important and without it I probably wouldn't do anything at all, but it itself will not get us far with putting a stop to acting out. We need to dissect our behavior patterns to see what needs to be changed and see if and how we could change it.

Once after we have an idea of where we need to go, that is when chizzuk, group support, and honesty are especially important, to help us follow through with our plans.

You have mentioned one of your triggers, weekends and nights, you have identified one area that needs change, now it's time for the next step.......HOW?

Try something, even if it seems trivial at first, it's probably more productive than acting out!!

KUTGW!!!!
KOMT!!!!

Pidaini wrote:

To clarify what's going on here: I'd emphasised that you (bnei Israel) need love; pdaini emphasises cheshbon Hanefesh (seeing where you go wrong). I'm interested to hear what other old hands think. Meanwhile, I defer to pdaini because I don't think: I just go with my feelings.