iwannabeholy2015 wrote:
MAZAL TOV!

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:
100%

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:
A doctor tells you that you need surgery to live. "Doctor" you say, "Surgery is not an option, I'm way too scared". What should the doctor reply?

I think you know what you need to do. Now, you need to JUST DO IT!

Thank you thank you so much!

All of You are amazing your support makes this struggle seem like its possible to conquer.

Next week iyh I will pick up the phone and try again.

I have made this block in my mind to get to 90 days whatever the case, and I think I will but im so nervous for day 91. what is going to keep me going im not suddenly a tzaddik just every time i have a temptation I say your not gonna lose this 90 challenge.

But inside im the same rotten guy..........................

How can you say you're "the same rotten guy"?!
At this point you have overcome 100's of triggers and temptations, have fought 100's of internal battles and overcome tremendous challenges!!
There is no way you are the same guy!

Do you still struggle with these issues? Sure. And you will struggle with it for life.
But your not the same guy and the struggle isn't the same as when you started.

We need to constantly remember that we are only focused on Today.
And Today's challenges we can handle.

fulfillinglife613 wrote:


Thank you for pointing it out. When after weeks or months of sobriety I get overcome by lust, I feel like the same dirty man. Your words are a chizzuk.
I might not be a changed man but I am a bit different than the man who was totally submerged in the filth.

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:


You can work on your motivation in the meantime (it's actually urgent, because there's no guarantee you'll get to 90 either otherwise.)

One motivation is fear. Like a nazirite who wants to take a sip of wine. He doesn't do it because he knows Hashem always gets His due (shudder.) He may also do it because of fear of Hashem's majesty.

Another motivation is the fear of self-criticism. Everyone here knows that you are committed, and you have a strong interest to show up every day and report that you did not masturbate. You'll look down on yourself if you don't.

Let's say, worst-case-scenario, that you make it to 90 days because of the fear of self-criticism. You have 11 more days to come up with a better motivation. Understand what exactly you like about porn and masturbation, and understand what the downsides are for you. This is like Yacov giving a gift to Esav, a gift for the yetzer ha-ra. Build your motivation using your yetzer ha-ra as well, do it "for the wrong reason" as well as for the right reason. If you do this homework now when you get to 90 you won't be afraid, you'll sail past it.




Me too, I'm pretty rotten. Next.

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:
That is why I don't like the 90 day chart. It is an easy way for people to feel like they are doing something for recovery, when in fact they are doing nothing. Just giving themselves some motivation.

Imagine a marathon runner promising himself that if he runs the marathon in a certain time, he will buy himself a new car... but then he never trains. Then he wonders why he was not successful.

Motivation is just that - motivation. It is NOT the same as work. There is NO substitute for work. I've been meaning to rant about this for a while since I see it's rampant. Your post was just the catalyst. Thanks.

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:
Self depricating comments do not get you any closer to sobriety. There are very few people that are actually rotten.

Focus on today chaver. And on day 90 focus on that day and the same on 91.

Gibbor 120 thanks I hear what you say so what is the answer????????

I have no idea what "the answer" is. I can only tell you what has helped me to stay sober: reading the handbook, joining 12 step phone calls, opening up to real people and talking about my problem, trying to internalize some of the 12 step concepts. "the answer" may be different for each person. We are here to share our experiences so that we can learn from, and gain strength from, one another.

Thanks Gibbor!

Hi Guys

I have not been on here for ages, because I was doing fine.............. thought id got over the hard part!!!

But I need help. I just fell 2 days in row. I didnt masturbate but got involved in an online chat that started perfectly innocently i broke away and came on here for chizuk but now I have fallen back in again. I truly want to stop and get back on track!

I had been clean for over 100 days i am so sad and ashamed. im a father a husband just grow up!!!!!!!

Sadness and shame never stopped us from acting out. For me the sadness and shame came from my ego that was shattered by my failure. Now that I know the daily reprieve I receive from the obsession of lust is only possible with my Higher Power, my ego isn't let down as much when I fail. I do still have to look at my part in the slip, but my part isn't as ego filled as it used to be. The most I can hope for is a daily reprieve from lust that is contingent on my continued working a program of positive sobriety. In other words the minute I become complacent and rest on my laurels, not only will I fall, I will have guilt and shame. If I'm humble and God reliant, I can get back up after and continue to do His Will.

IWH2015 Your frustration is coming through. After all you are an intelligent person who gets caught up in shmutz(be it one way or another) and then you have sober moments especially right after a fall, and the insanity of it all hits you like a mack truck.

We all have experienced this multiple times. I remember talking to a marginally religious woman who was selling me a new cell phone. I told her my concerns about the internet. She looked at me with surprise and annoyance and said: "But we are adults right?"
meaning what's the big deal you don't want to go certain places JUST DON"T GO. Well that can work for others and for us sometimes. However ... need I say more?
You know all too well the nature of our compulsion.
Just understand that we all share a certain nature. We can discuss from here till tomorrow how much of this was totally a nature from birth and how much was nurtured by our own failings-

However my good man we got it.

That's our challenge/nisayon

Guilt, feelings of inadequacy, frustration -take them all, put them in a box and use it as a steps stool to stand tall and follow a productive program toward Sobriety.

Without knowing too many details (because few were provided), I would ask how exactly an online chat starts "perfectly innocently."
Those of us who recognize the depths of our depravity should stay away from most chatting online. (I guess here it's probably safe.)
There are many here who realized that they can't handle the luxury of using 99% of the internet and stopped visiting any news, gaming, or other non-vital sites.
I'm just suggesting that if we are really serious about it, we have to go beyond what's considered "normal" and maybe even suffer a little for the sake of maintaining our sanity.
Hatzlocha

How true are your words