cordnoy wrote:


Wow ! I needed to hear this . Thank you Cordnoy.

cordnoy I agree that my experience doesn't translate into facts that's why I said "my experience", meaning that I could be wrong. But more specifically which part didn't you agree with, the fact that if a lust attack leads to a binge then there may taka be a problem, or the fact that if your clean for 4 months which is roughly 7,200 hours and then you fall for an hour or 2 that YOU ARE NOT ILL. nobody would say that someone who gets drunk 3 times a year is an alcoholic and has an issue why is this different?

Looking at your numbers Cords. You have 645 clean days. When I hit that number. I'll throw a party. Only my ego could make me feel bad about that.

Mr. clean---- Maybe I didn't explain myself correctly. I never meant that I wanted to be cured of LUST or TAAVAH, what I meant is that I thought I was cured of my sickness. I KNOW I'M ILL. I can't stop acting out if I wanted to. That's an illness according to the big book. But I could go for long periods and then BAM the lust strikes AND I FEEL LIKE A DOG IN HEAT that will stop at nothing. I'm not beating myself up about it But that's not a normal reaction to lust. That's my situation. I can go for weeks or months and then BOOM:(

So just to preface I did not mean to sound condescending when I wrote my whole megillah, I apologize if It came across as such.
Now regarding the lust, yes you definitely have something more then what I was referring to. i mentioned that If its one of those things that turns into a vicious cycle then its taka a problem. I'm no professional, but this seems like that. Kudos for being open with us and yourself.
I wonder though after what you described, two things; 1) during those months of "sobriety" is it really sobriety or is it just not acting out, there is a difference. Do you feel as though your not lusting then or its lusting without the release? 2) a man without boundaries can easily mix himself up with someone who is ill. What I mean is sometimes (I feel) after being so entrenched in this crap our walls and gedarim are so far sunk into the ground nothing seems like to much, we can't see from a normal perspective what we are doing anymore. Ergo, whatever we do we can't understand that theres anything wrong with it. This plays out in many cases that I see where guys justify their porn habits by saying "everyone in the world does it" or "its not a big deal, its normal" but if they were to tell this to a healthy person or someone who has never watched or done anything they would look at them like their nuts! We get immune to it. So what I'm saying is that maybe you have to reevaluate what you in your head consider normal and what you think is crazy. While your actually lusting its damn near impossible but after sometimes our heads are clear for a few moments and we can think.
Does this make sense?

When I am sober it's real and I'm not lusting. By me there is no such thing as lusting w/o acting out. If I'm lusting I will act out. It's like an automatic reaction. I do get a small taavah once in a while and I'm able to ignore it / fight it. but when my lust comes with a vengeance I'm toast.

I hear you and I know the feeling, are u married?

mr.clean wrote:


sorry it took me so long to get back here.

mr.clean wrote:


We don't expect anythin'! we know what is not good for us, and we work on the present.

mr.clean wrote:


No; as a matter of fact, that is somethin' i am an expert at. I have been clean for months....many times, and then i messed up! Is that a proof that i have control? it was actually the proof that i have zero control! When I work a program, then God takes care of me (and I am not a God type of guy). when i give in for a moment whatsoever, i am a goner ....with no control!

mr.clean wrote:


"cured" for an addict like me is ridiculous; for those who are not so addicted, they can be "cured" from their overindulgingness. "Lust" is far from ridiculous; it is what makes my life unmanageable!

mr.clean wrote:


my therapist says somethin' similar that lust and choices make us men, but when dealin' with an addict, we need our desire tempered, so we can learn to live our life.

I did not study the entire context of your post, and perhaps we are not far apart in our opinions; or maybe we are. Either way, this is what i think, but what would a lust addict know?

My apologies and continued hatzlachah