hey everyone,
thank g-d,doing great so far. I covered a full week and looking forward now. one day, one min at a time. I feel so much happier and have more of a sense of clarity. its great. its the real life not the fake enjoyment.

fully agree

baruch hashem 18 days clean...it feels good.
hope to keep it up iyh

i am strongly feeling the urge to act out right now...it is killing me!
i am having a voice tell me that "its great!you already did a 20 full days, one little fall wont hurt...." "you deserve the right to masturbate right now..." "i mean its like a regular thing in the world that people do...."
please help!

well there we have it...i fell. sucks. couldn't hold myself in...
after 20 days which was an accomplishment...gonna start all over again now.

its interesting...i didn't look at porn. i actually didn't have any desire towards that.
i just needed that feeling( that goes away after a second), so i looked at a picture of a pretty woman to help me. that's it.
does my course towards 90 days start all over again, or do i still have that feeling of hope and accomplishment that i actually succeeded in 20 days?

My experience from when I fell is that I look at it as 20 days of learning and growth to build upon. The slip itself is part of the growth in my view. It was very hard for me, but one thing I did was analyze why it was so hard for me and I found that it was mostly ego. Take it one day at a time and move forward.

dontevergivein@gmail.com wrote:


I know I'm replying to an old post. But still:

1. As Marlatt and Romaine point out in their book, "slips" or "lapses" are normal and natural. Try to avoid them, but after the fact, no matter how many of them happened, it's OK.

2. Try to learn from each slip. Each slip tends to be the result of three or four mistaken decisions, combined. Think (by yourself or with a friend:) What could you have done better?

3. Keep in mind that each minute of sobriety, and each hour of sobriety, is a blessing from G-d.

4a. Do you have one or more friends you can call when tempted to act out? Preferably GYE friends who know about your struggle, though this isn't actually necessary. Really, you can phone any friend, just to schmooze and catch up. If you email me (tealhill at gmail dot com) I would be glad to give you my phone number. Just tell me you're dontevergivein@gmail.com from the GYE forums.

4b. What about late at night? Can you phone a friend who lives overseas in a different time zone?

5. Have you tried working the twelve Steps? The correct way to work them is with a sponsor. If you go to SA, you might learn new ways to relapse. But if you go to NA meetings, or to open AA meetings, you will not, and you can still find a sponsor. NA meetings are made up almost completely of sober drug addicts, but all addicts are always welcome there, including lust addicts. (Note that they will ask you what you're addicted to.) Regular AA meetings are generally for alcoholics only. Open AA meetings are for everyone: both addicts and non-addicts.

Teahill,

I learned a lot from your post; thank you so much. I never knew that about NA meetings and Open AA meetings. How often do you encounter lust addicts at these meetings?

TalmidChaim wrote:


Thank you for the kind compliment.

Cross-addiction is common in every twelve-step meeting.

A percentage of the people in any AA or NA meeting have also struggled with pornography overuse. They almost surely won't announce it in their "share" speeches though.

Speak with people before or after the meeting, when people hang around and schmooze. Or ask around and find out where the group goes for coffee every week after the meeting. Tell them you're there because you've been struggling with pornography overuse. If they've had the same struggle, they'll tell you.

What percentage of AA and NA members have struggled with pornography? I have no idea. If I had to make a wild guess? Maybe 5%. Maybe more.

I suggest that, when you choose a sponsor, you should try to choose one who's struggled with pornography overuse. If practical, choose a sponsor who's spent at least a year or two in SA or SAA or SLAA: they will surely have learned some things from experienced recovered lust addicts.

If you can't find a sponsor in your city, you can find a sponsor here in these forums, and you can work together over the phone.

You can change to a different sponsor at any time.

P.S. My username can be is a bit confusing. It is actually spelled "tealhill" as in the color teal.

A wealth of information, thank you so much!

And sorry about the name. I much prefer a teal hill to one made out of tea; I'm a coffee guy.

You're welcome. And, regarding the typo — no hard feelings.