Hey everyone,
I keep on falling. I'm loosing hope. I go good for 3 days and then fall again...
I have put filters on all my devices but somehow always am able to get around them...
what I can say is that it has helped me from actual porn viewing, but I can still come across not proper material, and the tayveh kicks in...kicks in hard.
I keep on having a feeling of guilt. no one to speak too...
I am currently working on a job that keeps me in isolation. it is terrible..
I hope that posting on the forum will help give me support. I would love to hear back from people, and advice...
I plan to start the 90 day chart tomorrow, g-d willing,(something which I have tried in the past, but never succeeded in)and hopefully now with letting myself out on the forum, I will have a greater push to succeed.
I am loosing hope from ever overcoming this addiction.
I am also entering the shiduch age process, and I am scared like anything even to consider anything until I have this under control.
thanks everyone, and look forward to hearing from you all.

Welcome aboard.
You did great by posting here, the forums are a great place to spend time. Browse around read some threads you can learn a lot from other people, maybe get some ideas you can implement in your own life.
make sure to stick around and don't get lost.

Welcome to the forum! Your home! Post some more! You're not alone and there is hope! Sometimes progress comes quickly and sometimes it comes slowly, but it will always come if you work for it. (I think that's partly a quote)

Hey welcome !!!
Happy you joined us here on forum, for sure you will not regret it ! As you said I think that isolation is certainly the worst thing about addiction..
Feel free to share whatever you want with us !

Something more : I identified myself to you when you spoke about the shidukh age and being scared before having that under control.. Let's make it together chaver, b"H if we do our job Hachem Will surely Do His part !

WELCOME! You have come to the right place. 90 days is just a tool. Read the handbook. There are lots of other things you can do. posting here is HUGE! Many have been in MUCH worse situations and are sober today. B"H, you are working on it at a young age. I acted out for over 20 years. Now, I'm sober for 5+. Stick around. Amazing things happen here. Keep posting!

Let me tell my story. Please tell me if it is not the proper place to do so.
I have been struggling with porn since about 16. I was always considered a good person. Successful and looked up to in yeshiva. Always had that feeling of guilt and shame though. " If they, and the Rov only knew what I was struggling with deep down." I always thought I was the only one struggling with these issues. Now I know that I am not.
When I was 18 I saw a add in the phonebook about nude entertainment.(completely legal. consider it hiring a stripper.)
I decided I would give it a try. I did. I felt terrible, and after 15 min I told her to leave. It was then that I realized that I have a terrible issue that I must take care of. I continued on with my secret through yeshiva, always with now a even stronger feeling of guilt, shame, embarrassment and anxiety. Never told anyone, and promised myself "never again"
I believe it was a year that passed, i was alone for a period of time and again the same thing happened. Again in middle I told her to leave because I felt terrible.
A double secret I was living with.
I continued my years in yeshiva, which were B"H successful( besides for that guilty conscious feeling that "I always could have done more if not for what I have done."
Of course I never told anyone of my flaws...and hey, I was really successful in Yeshiva, and everyone looked up to me.
I fell again. I visited a strip club. was there for literally 5 min, if felt terrible and walked out....
B"h since then, I have never fell in the above mentioned manner, and I am confident that I will not.
I have installed proper filters on all my devices. they help only to a certian degree. I find that I am not viewing porn, but am able to come across pictures and then I can easily fall.
Is my story a "out of the ordinary"?
I do not consider these flaws as something which defines who I am today.
Must I share it with a Rov? or be confident that it will be under control with the proper work and time?....
This has always been a secret. This is the 1st time that In share this information. It feels good actually.
Now do you understand why I am worried?
Am I considered one of the horror stories that we read about on this website?
I truly believe that I am not defined by these flaws, and will iyh be strong, get married and lead a proper Jewish life iyh.
Am I wrong? Is My situation severe?

Your story sounds very much like others here. Whether it's extreme or not depends on you and your current circumstances. I'd say you sound pretty normal and its great that you're reaching out for help. Speaking to a rav may be a good idea, but do it only if you feel comfortable with the idea. It'll be hard to tell him regardless, but don't rush into it. Choose someone you already have a shaychis with and who you see yourself being able to open up to. Hatzlacha raba!

You're definitely not unique and you're not alone. I'm not saying that your implying you think marriage will solve your issues, but just to make sure you know, it won't.

Hatzlacha!

thanks for continuing the conversation.
I in no way, shape or form think that marriage will solve my issues...not in the slightest..
I am quite nervous though. I want to make sure that this is something of the past before I get into the whole marriage situation.

Clearly you are an honest and spiritual person person who is beating himself up for lusting and acting out. You want to be consistent with the Torah way and this stuff is not only a crazy challenge but it's driving yourself nuts as it is the very opposite of kedusha.
Trust me. The guys here really get it.
Keep posting - you will find real Hadracha on the forum. As well the support is vital for your success.
So happy you joined us.

wow.
you are spot on.
thank you very much.
I look forward to continuing conversation.

hello.
I fell on Friday...Shabbos/Saturday was my first 24 hour period of sobriety. looking forward hopefully to a good day. I hope to fight and win the battle.
will not let this take over my life.

as much as I tell myself "that's it!" , I keep on falling. I fell again.
this is unbearable. I am having trouble looking towards a brighter future.
I know and truly believe that this is due to the fact that I am not to productive throughout my day...I am seeking a proper way to fill up my day.
I feel that this issue of mine is keeping me from even the slightest of trying to be productive. it has changed my whole lifestyle.
every night I go to sleep with the thoughts of a productive day ahead of me. I wake up, and then before we know, it comes back to me and eats me up.
it has only been 1 day of sobriety and have already fallen.
help.

anyone know of a good filter for a android tablet?
I have tried so many, and am able to get by all of them.
I guess that's just the way it works with filters. they are only there as a reminder, a fence, but ultimately it is up to you.
anyway, I tried many...anyone know of a reliable one? I have tried most of them.

Hi,
You're doing fine. We were once that bochur that you are but you are dealing with it so much younger than many of us (speaking for myself here).
Improvement is a process that takes time so don't expect perfection, don't expect to do brilliantly, and don't beat yourself up. But do open up here and in real life to a mentor/rabbi/support group that you trust. In case my story is instructive: It has been about four years since I decided that porn was bad for me, but the first couple of years I still had terrible acting out.
My sobriety still does not last for long periods, but I believe I am learning and growing. And I'm coming to realise it's more about sanity - and sobriety follows.
What is sanity? Oooh.. (I'm scratching my head). Ask some of the old hands here.
Be patient with yourself. It's usually the yetzer hara who's doing the beating. It's one of his most potent tools.
I'm sure the Chevra here will suggest other positive steps you can do but this is my experience.
Hatzlacha.
Shlomo