Feeling a bit chirpier?
Let's keep going forwards.
Sometimes we just got to jump out and not think twice.
It's action more than thinking.
What's the plan next?

A lot better and encouraged that I didn't fall.

I think next time I should post quicker and not wallow in isolation!

Hope

I just read the who;e thread from the beginning.

Hope, you are doing amazing! I can't wait to see you at 90 by Shavuos.

Shlomo is really an incredible human being.
He even checks up on me.
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/253428-Im-Starting-Today?limit=15&start=30

What would I do without GYE?
Reading your story gives me the encouragement to go all the way. I'm only at Day 9 but I can make it to 10 and then 11 etc. all the to the end.

Thank you for sharing.

Hopeful2, I relate to how you are feeling and there is hope. Of course things get better. Dov was saying on his meeting call the other day how we give so much power to the "shmutz" and the triggers that we see. I hope he has the time to comment here. One thing I can say is that we don't need to watch and it's not an answer to our stress. Another thing is that we give the power to what we desire, because we look at women (or men) as objects instead of people. We do this especially when these people aren't frum or Jewish and don't dress tzinus. These people are human and they are loved by God. Dov suggested that when we see someone or think about someone that is triggering to us, we sincerely daven to Hashem for their well being. Not to daven that do teshuvah or dress tzinus, but just daven for their spiritual,mental and physical well being. And keep davening over and over for it until we mean it. Maybe if we looked at people for what they are, a tzelem elokim, we wouldn't seek to objectify them. "vayipach be'apav nishmas chayim -- and He breated into his [Adam's] nostriles a living neshamah"

Note: There is no need to get into a discussion about the difference between a Jew and non-Jew as learned by the Baal Hatanya. That derech of learning doesn't take anything away from the non-Jew. It may give yidden a special place, that is by no merit of our own. So we should feel special etc. The way of thinking that uses our special characteristics to degrade non-Jews, is the same way of thinking that we, frum yidden, use to degrade each other. It's also the same thinking that causes us in part to objectify God's children. The truth is that according to the opinion of the Baal HaTanya, we should be more careful not to objectify his children, Jew and non-Jew alike. We are given this special status and with it comes responsibility. (long note lol)

Thanks serenity.

In a similar vein to what your wrote about us viewing women as sex objects, whenever i want to fight the thought when i lust after a women, i try to imagine that she is the same human being like i am with faults and "stuff" that are very unattractive underneath the spell of her beauty.

Most of the time we lust, at least why i lust, is because i believe that this woman doesnt have the same amount of "issues" that im currently ironing out with my wife. Then the thoughts of "if only i married that type of woman"....

(Although its not necessarily true because ive had this lusting issue way before i got married, so what was my excuse then?)

But currently thats a huge part of my struggle. Fantasizing how life would be so much more loving and cool if i only married "that" type of woman.

But when viewed as a real person with real emotions and real life issues it suddenly doesn't sound very attractive.

A different twist to what you were saying.

Hope

Hope,

Serenity is taking the positive approach. Thinking about how special that person is and not thinking about her as an object. That takes away the lust issue.
I think it's a much healthier approach. Although you should use whatever works best for you of course.

I believe you are struggling with another related issue, the fantasy of a stress free life. Fantasy is an escape mechanism we use to hide from our troubles. Of course it doesn't solve the problems and probably makes them worse. We need to deal with our issues, in our marriage and in all our life, and if we can find the courage to do so we can be so much happier....

I hide by watching TV shows (clean ones - mostly. If there is really such a thing ). It's very unhealthy and I'm trying to get passed it.
I used to hide behind TV shows and P&M and fantasy. Today it's just TV shows. Maybe Tomorrow I'll come out of hiding. And feel the sun on my face.

Since I gave a suggestion, I figured the least I could do was implement it myself . I was objectifying someone and I remembered this thread and decided to humanize and pray for them. Hopeful I started with your approach and thought about the hardships this person may have in life and then I just prayed for their well being. I closed my eyes as I prayed silently for a few moments. When I was done the person wasn't even on my mind anymore.

Hatzlacha!

Nice combined twist of the two approaches,serenity...

When I first started my journey here about 75 days ago, it seemed to me that the reason for my lusting thoughts were because of the images id see throughout the day. By me constantly looking at women, porn or just pretty ladies on the street, automatically I will lust & obsess about them. And I thought if I wont look, then my thoughts will lessen, and it did for a while.

However, I'm realizing now, that even with my shmeiras aineiyim better the ever, & obviously no porn, I'm still lusting and obsessing about women. I'm pretty sure this is normal, what do i expect, Ive been doing this for the past 15 years, right? My question is, what other remedies are there for these bad thoughts?

For me shmeiras aineiyim alone, is not enough.

Hope

Hopeful2 wrote:

I resonate with this 200%. And with a lot of the other stuff you say. Actually I'm not sure whose stuff cos I read so much hen forget who said what. I wonder whether anyone else has this problem? Also here's the time to make an apology to anyone who sent me a message or posts in response to me I've he past week: I've read them (up to Friday, will get to those soon) but sometimes I mean to reply and then i occasionally forget so if you're reading this then please accept this as a personal apology. On second thoughts maybe I'll post this on my thread too..
With regards to your issue I've quoted, I don't know the answer: I do know that when I fantasise about life with other women my own life becomes miserable. I've learned that fantasy = misery. That's not to say that I'm stuck in a miserable existence without even the escape that fantasy provides. Despite difficulties, deficiencies and challenges that I have, I am one of the happiest calmest most satisfied people in my shul. And this is because I try not to look at what others have. Yes I'm tempted but I know it doesn't bring me any good.
And with regards to the temptation to fantasise despite shmiras einayim, I also very much have this. I believe this shows that though we're doing the right actions our beliefs don't quite much yet. What I mean is that: I've realised that despite efforts at shmiras einayim over a long time, inside me I still believe that a beautiful good woman is the ultimate goodness. And fantasy is but a mere pace away.
I suppose this process of actions and thoughts is what the novi meant when he said: yaazov rasha darko v'ish aven machshevosav. And we see that getting rid of the thoughts is a lot harder than dealin with the actions cos it's the second thing we do. It's not my vort. All the sforim talk about it.

Help!!! I'm under a huge lust attack!!!! It's been building up for the past week! But now I feel I can't anymore! Today was the first day in 77 days that I rubbed myself!!! Help! If not for mikvah night being tonight I'm sure I would fall!! Still not sure it won't happen!!

And even the horrible email pictures aren't helping!!!

I can't take this anymore! So badly want to reach 90 days for shavous!!

Hope

Go for a jog again.

My YH doesn't let me out the door!

Ok I'll go for a jog even though I'm totally not in the mood

Good for you! Just do it!

Enjoy and KOMT!

My mikva night is also tonight. Let's both report back to each other that we reached it clean!!

And tomorrow's a day we dont need to worry about

I do feel for you. But I don't think sympathy is something any of us need.
You're an addict and you're not managing. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to SA meetings. Phone conference?
I've got less sobriety than you but I've been working at it for a few years - so a sponsor I'm not. You're welcome to PM me for my number but I'm not in the states. And I don't promise to be nice.