Git voch!

Help!! I'm slippin and slidin, and I don't want to fall. please help!

I'm slipping in my thoughts and looking where I shouldn't on the streets a bit, but this battle is mainly in my thoughts. I'm having the old garbage come up again! I'm clean for almost 2 months, I was able to fight these thoughts and push them away, but now they've resurfaced and I feel like I'm about to fall!

I really (DONT!!!) want to sit in front of my computer and just indulge!! I even read other peoples threads here and see what they have done, clubs etc.... and I hear myself saying go, you do it too!!

It's been a couple of days already like this and I'm fighting it, but I feel my strength waning..... I so badly want to stay clean!!

Help!!

Hang in there buddy. Try to occupy yourself with something else you enjoy doin a lil. Try not to focus on the fight so much. When you fight, even if you win, you will inevitably get tainted by the lust you are engaging. Only to get slowly weakened until you succumb.

Dov's Desperados is starting a new call tomorrow at noon. Maybe it's for you. When your thought come up, surrender them to Hashem and let Him fight them.

We love you. we support you and we need you to overcome!

go away from the computer - Take a deep breathe and in a relaxed but serious way ask Hashem to intervene!

Expect Siyatah Dishmaya and continue to be the success you have been!

Baruch Hashem I didn't fall last night! Thanks everyone for the chizuk and the tips. I actually did just as was suggested i left the computer and went to do other things to take my mind off this horrible fight and i was successful.

Although last night i had a wet dream, I'm trying not to get too discouraged by that...

maybe ill join Dov's Desperados, as you suggest serenity...

Hope

How wonderful!

Thanks for the update.

I was wondering

I agree with you about the wet dreams. We certainly don't want them. We can daven not to have them but I would not focus on them. Let's first work on the avodas Hashem when we are awake and aware.
Tafasta merubah loh tafasta

I was on the call today and I will say it was a really great bunch of guys on the call. People on the call were engaging in their recovery and the energy was palpable. Wet dreams are a natural part of recovery and the best advice is to ignore them.

Thank you yiraishamaim for the concern! It's really nice to know people with the same struggles are rooting for each other! Really beautiful!

In regards to the wet dream, it's not so much that I acted out in my sleep which bothers me, it's the fact that it is my thoughts throughout the day that trigger it. And my battle is in my thoughts. And so I feel like lust one this battle.

But I'm not letting it bother me and I will just ignore it.

Like you say, let's focus on the time that we are awake and aware! Good idea!!

Thanks serenity for the update about the call, I'm really considering joining.

Hope

Wow Hopeful2,
I've just stumbled n this thread. I love your first post and the subsequent ones too. This is a great thread with a lot of wisdom. The guys have posted such good advice.
You are doing incredibly, even surprisingly well with your first efforts at sobriety. You are bringing such kedusha and goodness into your life and Hashem must be so delighted with you. Just to introduce a dose of reality: Rabbi Tatz say that in the beginning of a Baal teshuvas journey Hashem usually shows him the light, carries him and shoes him what he can achieve. Then he let's go of the person, the person feels despondent and alone, but this is the phase where Hashem is saying: my son, I've shown you what can be achieved, now you walk this alone.
What you have achieved so far is incredible, and the battles you've had and overcome are priceless, but if you fall, know that it is part of the process of learning, growth and inprovement. It will require the 'inside job' that so many on this forum talk about, ie a better way of living, more sanity. And it's so often our reflection and adjustments after the fall that lead us there. If anyone thinks I'm out of order already talking about the falls please do chime in.
Btw do join a phone conference.
Hatzlacha.
Shlomo

thanks for your post

I am an enormous fan of Rabbi Tatz and what you, said is a fundamental point he says quite often.
undeserved inspiration - working on earning your stripes - success therefore ecstasy

Thank you shlomo for your kind words. It really is my first efforts with sobriety as you say, all the other times were just fighting the urge to watch porn and ultimately falling, but that was before I discovered GYE and learnt how porn isn't my real enemy and that lust is the real monster.

I feel that's exactly what happened with me. Hashem sent a lighting bolt, -GYE- illuminated my dark world of pornography, I saw how it's possible to overcome & showed me there's a way out of this, but then bam, it's dark once again!! Back to the old dark world!
But this time it's with a lot more understanding and hope, and with a whole bunch of new friends! And for that I say thank you to Hashem and to everyone here at GYE, I wouldn't be able to do this on my own!

Falling is part of the recovery I'm sure, it's just that my addiction is telling me that if your going to fall even once then that just proves that you can't beat me, and that will be reason to give up. And while I know it's not true, I'm subconsciously believing it. And so I'm terrified of falling.

But so far I'm bh clean and so grateful to Hashem for that!

Hope

Hopeful2 wrote:


did you know that 'fear' might be one of the main reasons we lust in the first place?

By the way, I have a fear of bein' sober.

b'hatzlachah

Hopeful2 wrote:

A perceptive observation. For want of more wisdom on the matter I'll paraphrase you with a cliche: life is a process.
I found that a big part of the addictive cycle is the regret, shame etc that comes after the falls. When I determinedly stripped it out, my addiction was far less pernicious. So many people talk about it. Rabbi sharfier, rebbe nachman and many others I believe.
You know the first bakasha in amida is for daas. Ask Hashem for healthy perspectives. Keep asking and you will receive!

shlomo613 wrote:


Basically what your saying, is that once you aren't afraid to fall and your ok with it, the addiction loses it's grip over you to a certain degree. That makes a lot of sense.

I see for myself, that I'm so scared to fall I'm constantly worrying about it and its in my mind all day how don't fall don't fall. I gotta loosen up. And not be so scared.

Wow that's amazing! Thanks for that new perspective. I guess I davened well today by atah chonan!

Hope