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TOPIC: Found my way home thanks to GYE 24590 Views

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 22 May 2015 20:36 #255327

Hopeful2
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serenity wrote:

I recently read an article by an ignorant psychologist who maintains that there is no such thing as sex addiction. That it's not a real addiction and it's just an excuse people use to justify their pathetic lack of self control. This is obviously a bunch of malarkey and the guy is an idiot, but he makes some good points. The first is don't use addiction as an excuse or justification. That's also one of the reasons we don't rush to call someone as addict, before they are really ready for recovery. The other good point he makes, and that is my main point here, is that the choice to stop is many steps before the actual final act, whatever it may be. He claims, and rightfully so, the we have the choice not to take that fist step. In other words we have the choice whether or not to take that first drink of lust. We don't have to put that drop of liquor on our tongue. The second a guy thinks "is there a way I can get around my filter" he just put a drop of lust liquor on his tongue. The second a guy thinks "sure with I could look at some pics" etc etc ....

It took me a long time to learn that the second I would take a little detour on the way home to look at pritzus, it was at that moment I was already drinking. The second I would allow myself to just watch a little pritzus on youtube, it was the first drink. The second I allowed myself to fantasize a little, I was already making the wrong decision. I'm obviously far from perfect, but I'm learning.

Hatzlacha!

Interesting read. And what's the difference between a alcohol or gambling addiction? There are also SUD's involved before actually sitting at the table?

Where I'm holding now, my shmieras einiyom is bh better then ever. I'm working really hard to turn away after each 1st glance and I make sure not to take a second look, and not sip. The simple 3 second rule helps me realize when it's just a first glance and when I took a second look.

But in regards to my thoughts, I find myself unable to "turn my head away" once a thought pops in it's stuck. On the street I can fight my eyes and just close them and wait for the women to pass, but how do I do that with my thoughts? And the more you fight it, the more stuck it stays!! And the giving it over to Hashem thing, ain't really working for me.... I mean she's still in my head and keeps on coming back over and over again! And anything related to her makes me trigger without even seeing her. And then I'm just all over in my thoughts....

How to I keep my thoughts clean?

Gut Yom tov all!!

Hope

Grateful for today Hopeful for tomorrow.

Last Edit: 22 May 2015 20:37 by Hopeful2.

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 26 May 2015 13:33 #255376

shlomo613
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[quote="Hopeful2" post=255327]serenity wrote:

Where I'm holding now, my shmieras einiyom is bh better then ever. I'm working really hard to turn away after each 1st glance and I make sure not to take a second look, and not sip. The simple 3 second rule helps me realize when it's just a first glance and when I took a second look.

But in regards to my thoughts, I find myself unable to "turn my head away" once a thought pops in it's stuck. On the street I can fight my eyes and just close them and wait for the women to pass, but how do I do that with my thoughts? And the more you fight it, the more stuck it stays!! And the giving it over to Hashem thing, ain't really working for me.... I mean she's still in my head and keeps on coming back over and over again! And anything related to her makes me trigger without even seeing her. And then I'm just all over in my thoughts....

How to I keep my thoughts clean?

Gut Yom tov all!!

Hope

This is a big one for us. I wonder what the oilam think?
Does the obsessions of the mind reduce when we haven't indulged our eyes and our thoughts for a long time?
(I remember learning an Orach Chayim in Sefer Dvarim on this topic. Maybe I'll quote it when I find it.)

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 26 May 2015 13:53 #255378

serenity
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Yes it gets better, but shmiryas anayim and not indulging my thoughts is only part of the solution for many of us. Surrendering the thoughts to Hashem to another part. There is a lot more to do.

Hatzlacha!

Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 14 Jun 2015 21:27 #256836

cordnoy
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When one finds himself in lust mode, he probably should think about what SUDS led him to this point.

Perhaps jot it down on this thread. Maybe we can learn somethin'.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 15 Jun 2015 16:18 #256880

shlomo613
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What does SUDS stand for?
I can say that I'm extremely lustful today this is one of my most challenging days if not the most of the past 85. I'm seeing women and body parts I won't elaborate on over here.
I'd say there's a 50% chance I won't last out the evening. I'm not sure what to do.
I've reminded myself my TAPHSIC and I've told myself that I will stay away from internet period tonight.
I don't have a sponsor or much in the way of friends to speak with about this (since being active on GYE forum over past 4 months I kind of let that fall by the wayside).
What printed this? I don't know. I do know that today was the culmination of a fortnight of build up and action and pent up tension where I had to make irrevocable weighty decisions. And I do feel emotionally and physically ill now that it is over.
I have literally been seeing attractive women everywhere - and noticing them. Normally I don't look and generally manage to see pretty much zero but as I said today has been not like that at all.
I've called my rov for a meeting about other stuff - and hope we can meet as I talk about these things with him.
But the fact is I'm hanging by a thread.

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 15 Jun 2015 21:43 #256915

serenity
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email me and I'll give you my number to call.

Thanks for sharing. Hatzlacha!

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 15 Jun 2015 22:30 #256926

cordnoy
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Seemingly Unimportant Decisions (that lead to bad ones).

How are you doin' now?

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 15 Jun 2015 22:59 #256939

shlomo613 Current streak: 32 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 433 Karma: 27	Thanks for asking. Been on a phone conference. Feeling a bit ill so am not going out. Lounging on GYE and holding with. I plan not to fall. My rov couldn't meet
	MY TASK: Stay connected. Listen. Post. Mussar. Pray. Don't worry. Be useful MY THREADS A Fresh Start \| My Confession \| Do you believe? MY LINKS Serenity -on addiction and SA\| Serenity's journey \| Harry's Son - by Barditchev \| A great Gibor post \| Another great Gibor post \| Dov - on honesty \| on being real

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 24 Aug 2015 12:00 #262622

eny
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I did a search for material on the differences between alcoholism and SA, but then found this posting, with some extremely helpful material about the definition of addiction -

It has practical ramifications for me: Do I dabble on this site and grab a tool here and there (wrong approach), or do I relate to myself as a potential or actual addict (I definitely have felt helplessness and acted in a self destructive manner and have felt drawn in a powerful way) and take a serious and systematic approach.

Right now I'm working on 90 days, on realizing that I need special siyata dishmaya to deal with this (as everyone does about everything), and on living day to day.

Thanks for the posting

Re: Found my way home thanks to GYE 14 Oct 2015 00:42 #265868

Dov OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	...so what's been happening since your post, chaver? What method did you end up using and how has it been going for you?
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."