That's okay. It's something that has happened to all of us from time to time. You just want to make it as rare as possible and don't get discouraged. Because the fall is no big deal - it's what it does to you. How many shachrises do you miss as a result - that's where the soton really gets you.
So very well done for posting and stay connected with us. Keep your spirits up and know that the 70+ days you stayed clean so far are a massive deposit that is not lost.
I must say that I was quite amazed that your first serious effort lasted so long. It is truly incredible. I also knew you would fall. We're not malachim - and growth is a process wherein we learn from our falls (the lesson may not be apparent immediately).
I've been working on this for some 3-4 years and I've had plenty of falls, but one thing ive done is I've picked myself up and carried on. And therein lies success.
I think attitude plays a crucial role in this (getting up after a fall). You see, addicts tend to see things in terms of vistas of kedusha, "all the madreigos and hasagos I had I've now lost; I'm now filthy". This thinking is part of the addictive process, and in my experience we've go to move away from that in order to slowly lose the addictive cycle that addicts have.
The sforim hakedoshim talk lots about this and I hope others will expand on this point and support me wih sources.
For example, the maariv you daven after you've just acted out and feel so diatant and repulsive to Hashem, where you are indeed so low - is so chashuv and dear to Hashem. By Yitzchak it says: vayarach es rei'ach BEGADAV vayishakeyhu". The sforim (or forgotten who, maybe medrash or Zohar) says that you should read it as BOGDAV. Hashem smelled the scent of his sinners and blessed him.
Look at you hopeful. You sinner;). It was us that Yitzchak smelled, was pleased and blessed Yaakov!
Love.
Shlomo

With this attitude you're already a winner. You might have lost an hour or 2, but you own and won this battle. Keep on inspiring us.

Hello all,

Thanks everyone for the chizuk and encouragement. Ive never had such 77 days before and have never had such a fall either.

In the past when i fell after being good for 3 weeks id go right back to porn for the next week on overdrive cause i figured i cant anyway so why bother, until id start again.

But this time was different.
This time I dont feel hopeless.
This time i got up rather quickly and told myself were moving on.
This time the YH couldn't keep me down for long.
This time im clean bright and early, the very next day.
This time i davened marriv with a bren.
This time i have friends rooting for me.
This time i realize what a fall really is.

And thats only thanks to Hashem for giving me GYE and the whole clan. Reading all the inspiration here i realize a fall is nothing. The last 77 days have not been for naught. It was conquered through blood sweat & tears and lots of prayer. And I will continue building on that.

Ive gained so much in the last 77 days that it is impossible that one fall just wipes it away like the YH would like me to belive it does.

And yes i realize i need to do something different. Things havent been working for me in the past and i must try some new path. We all realize this addiction just progresses and im not ready to give up my life to sustain my addiction.

And if it means attending a 12 step program then thats what it is. Even though im scared and ashamed. But hey face your fears and live your dreams.

Im in the midst of finding out a group here in my community. I will keep you guys posted on any new developments.

Thanks everyone for being a listening ear, its trully amazing to be a part of this.

HOPE!!

Hopeful, Thanks for having a positive attitude. For me resetting that chart was one of the hardest things I had to do. What helped me move forward was the following:

1. realized that the hardest thing was the hit to my ego
2. learned to really focus on one day at a time
3. started to appreciate each day of sobriety
4. looked at all the days before my fall as days of learning and growth upon which I would continue to grow. So I didn't
5. gained some humility
6. focused on God's Will for me, instead of my Will for me

Hope that helps. Hatzlacha!