I feel about to masturbate with pornography. However, I figured I will post here, maybe I will have the chizuk not to...

A full blown fall has been experienced by me. I have no loss of hope, I just don't know where to go from here.

It seems that I fell because I was up later than people in my family want to sleep.
Fixing this would entail a lifestyle change, going to sleep earlier. However, I am ready to commit to start getting ready for bed either 11 or 11:30, I will decide which. I am ready to change myself to fix this problem.

I also need to think ahead to avoid situations that can be dangerous.
I am flying tomorrow, I will have my laptop in my suitcase. If I open my bag with the computer it will be a $30 knas.

In general with knasos, my therapist suggested that I make myself a $20 dollar knas for falls. Then, if I do well for three days afterwards, I earn it back.

There still is the general question of, why do I need to stop this. Yes I often am caused to go to sleep late and then wake up late, because of this. However, I have my own business, and I am a bachur, living in my parent's home. If I don't earn enough money from my business, I will still have a home and food to eat. I suffer from ADHD, which will start being treated this coming Monday with medication, imy'H. Unfortunately though, this causes me not to accomplish as I could anyway. I therefore feel like I have actual extra time. So why not spend it on something fun. (This is the thinking of the y"h, of course.)
I find it difficult to relax other ways. Biking, which I like, is a chore, because it is effort. My business, which involves something I really like doing, is a chore because it entails expending effort.

I don't see the consequences of how doing this will affect me in real life. That I believe is part of the problem.

I just fell again in middle of writing this post.

I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP NOW!!!!!!!!

Bl"n I will write more tomorrow. Good night and thank you all.

Sorry to hear.

Perhaps download the whitebook (in my signature), and put that in your bag.

b'hatzlachah

GYEmember
Have a safe trip

Have a safe trip! And welcome back!

Just letting everyone know I am doing well b"H. Not much time right now to post.

Hatzlacha rabbah to all! My bracha to the GYE olam:

everyone should zoche to be clean for the entire day today.

interesting, i had the same issue i wasnt sure why i had to stop. i figured i can live like this. my addiction isnt so bad.

"Create a real vision of yourself as the person who is living the life you want to live. If you don't know what that looks like, then spend some time. Write it out. But really begin to see yourself living the life you know you should be living, the life you want to live. It's hard at first, but if you can close your eyes and really start to see and feel the version of who you wucant to be, that will go a long way".quoted from moishe220

this really helped for me. i did a little introspection into my life. i realized that the way i was living my life wasnt where i wanted my life to go, even though i was managing in the state that i was. at that point i realized that my life was just avoiding lust, getting over the embarrassment, trying not to feel guilty and proving to myself that i can still function even with this sickness. i had to much baggage to be able to just live the way i want to. these days bh, im making a lot of progress heading in the direction that i would like my life to go, and living. i feel alive and happy that i feel like im doing with my life what i feel is important.also i can tell you from experience lust will hunt you more and more. thats the power of the addiction, if you think its bad now, if you dont work(by work i dont mean necessarily fix, but to try real hard its something maybe you can keep in mind) on it itll just get worse. your still a bochur but when you get married a lot more is going on. you dont want to have that. i dont know if that will help you i hope you get a solid answer. have a great one

I have a lot I can do to keep myself busy. I started taking ADHD medication, so it is easier for me to focus on, and actually do the things I have which can keep myself very busy. I have the one day at a time mindset, the will to stop, and other outlooks. I feel like when I was posting here more often, I was sort of forcing myself more to stop, and it was on my mind more. I noticed that I had the issue more frequently since beggining to post here. I therefore deccided not to come here more than one day a week. I also realized that I need to take things easy.

I realized that some of the people I speak to about this sort of give me this sense of urgency and pressure to fix this. I believe that this causes it to be worse for me. I cannot be forced by someone else's thoughts on that this is bad for me. I need to internalize this for myself, and keep myself busy.

Glad your here. Keep posting!

GYEmember wrote:


If you read the beginnin' of the big book (if you so desire), you will see that contrary to therapists and specialists and others, the good doctor writes his problem and says: if you're like me in this addiction, and you feel that there is a higherpower/God that would and could help you if you sought Him out, then come along for the rest of the book/steps....otherwise, do somethin' else. He is not out to convince you of anythin'....it is very reassurin'. Don't know if this helps you any, but perhaps....

b'hatzlachah