Please help me, kind chevra, I admire you all. I am jealous when I see people on the forum with their number of days adding up, while my count is reset constantly. This is sometimes 3 times a week.

I want help from you guys, I really want to be through with this. I keep starting new counts, and thinking, this time it REALLY seems like I have the correct outlook to never be nichshal today, and for every other individual day in the future (I do try to take it one day at a time). I want your good, solid, advice. You guys are really good. I love you all:) .

I need the correct advice, perhaps it will take a long time to gain the information I need to be clean. Some people might say that each day, I will need to be mechazek, and that us chevra here are always learning new things relating to our struggle. However, is there not one day that is the last fall? Is there not one time when everything necessary falls into place. I agree it is a process, but is there that final click, is what I wonder.

Please let me list all the things which I have tried that I can remember. Thank you all again for helping me, you should be zocheh to much bracha!

1. Covenant Eyes filter and reporting.

2. Speaking with rabeim and therapists about it. (The therapists were not trained specifically in addiction, I don't believe, in case that matters.)

3. GYE forum.

4. Knasos.

5. I am up to around page 40 in the handbook.

6. Gedarim of when and where I could use my laptop.

7. Learning Torah

I can't think of any more right now, although I think there were other things I tried.

What I know I have not tried:

1. Exercising on a constant basis.

2. SA meetings (don't know if that is too extreme for me.)

3. Many of the tools here, besides 90-day chart,chizuk emails, and forum.

4. There is a therapist who specializes in this struggle, who is frum, who I can speak to at least once about this.

5. I have a friend who struggles who knows Dov. He gave me Dov's # to call-I need to get through.

I guess the pattern is like this. I fall, I'm inspired, I take another step. A few days go by, I feel less inspired, my comfortable that, "this time I'm good to go, I know what I need to know and I'm taking the right steps to get there. Then, I fall again, etc...

I need hadracha please.

what is "extreme" about SA? I don't think there is anything extreme about any 12 step recovery program. It may be a gift to yourself.

I'm not a 12 steps guy, so my advice may be not appropriate with your attitude (maybe yes, I just have no idea).

I'm working in two directions - first is trying to avoid surprises. I'm trying to study my last falls and understand the reasons, then try to avoid them much earlier. It's like high level chess or a gun fight in an urban area (I like both, you may like only one of them ).

Second thing is distraction. Sometimes I don't predict the problems, when they come I try to distract myself. The best way is to come to here (or to one of other forums I'm member of). Another great way is to workout (when you have an urge). Do something inspirational, watch an inspirational video on YouTube (if you feel yourself comfortable there). Go fix the damn electricity. Clean your room. I guess the friends here have many other ways.

Exercising in a constant basis is a great thing, I used to train for a marathon and it was awesome. Now I'm injured, but I'm still going well enough.

Did I miss it?
I didn't see Iyun Tefilah- With the sincere admission to him that this monster is just too big for you me to handle - That you need his help even though you are not worthy.
You need serious Siyatah Dishmaya as we all do. humble humble yourself to him and seek his help.

How are you in the tefillah/relationship with Hashem department?

Thank you everyone.

nekudatovah6: I will now seriously consider starting to go to SA meetings, but I will speak with people to decide for sure.

improvementway: I am trying to start exercising consistently.

yiraishamaim: You've hit a big one! I am always aware that G-d is the one here. It is hard for me, though, to consistently daven well. I have time periods that I have very emotional tefillos and I even cry with tears to Him. At other times I have kavana for parts of a few brachos, that is it.

I just keep feeling that I keep trying different things and still, I keep on restarting the 90 days chart.

In my emotions, I keep needing to fight off the despair, while in my intellect, I know that many people have been in much worse situations than I, and are now sober. I "only have trouble at most 3 times a week, while many people have had trouble a few times a day.

Maybe tell us or someone what is goin' on in your life that may be causin' this escape route.

b'hatzlachah

Maybe just maybe you are too intense

Try this:

Just ask Hashem to help you because without him you are helpless - no tears - short and sweet - be confident - not an arrogant confidence - just the knowledge that Hashem will help me because I am truly sincere and I have reached out to him.

If a lustful thought or trigger comes your way do not get intense - do not fight it - just lightly push it/blow it away - while whispering confidently " this is not for me"

Thank you. I have worked on not locking horns with the Y"H. However, what do I do when I want a way to feel some pleasure, a pleasure which I don't get anywhere else.
I feel that I don't have that many real pleasures in my life right now. I am not in yeshiva right now, and in my city there are very few people my age. I am extremely social by nature, and I get a lot of pleasure shmoozing with people. This pleasure is lacking for me.
Also, I have trouble with waking up in the morning and in general, with getting my act together to do stuff. I (am supposed to) work most of the day. However, I end up being half (literally) as productive as I could be sometimes. This leads me not to feel good about myself. I therefore use P&M as a boost.

P.S. Is actual sex with one's wife even as pleasurable as porn and masturbation? (I am a bachur) I remember hearing or learning somewhere that the pleasure was left for ovrei aveirah, that is why I ask.
I hope this is not an inappropriate question for the forum.

I wonder if getting married is ever helpful for addicts to help them stop.

nope.

It is not known to be helpful, as evidenced by the married guys on here (myself included).

Why would you think it would be?

GYEmember wrote:


I wrote a longer post, but it got complicated.

Yes, there is pleasure.
There is a Gemora that needs to be further understood.

Don't worry about it now.

GYEmember wrote:


You should be dancing to the sky that your still a Bucher,
Now is the best time for you to recover, do what works and don't give up, it's an investment for life which you wont regret ever.

You asked so I'll answer - sex with one's wife is pleasurable (it's not a secret) BUT NOT as porn and masturbation!!!! Nothing to compare.
I know so many married men that have stunning pretty and sexy wives but still can't give up on porn and masturbation. And why?????????

Believe me, Porn is a big giant BLUFF, a normal women or wife doesn't act like the women acting in Porn, they in Porn are not doing it for their pleasure. It's their Job and sadly this is how they bring home food, pay rent, buy cloth.

Watching Porn ruins our future marriage, cause we learn to think that this is how women act and it's the biggest mistake.

I wish you a full and easy recovery and you should find your Zivug Bikarov.

GYE you were talking about pleasure

remember there is a long term, wholesome great fulfilling pleasure and there is the quick fix intense pleasure.

Example: losing excess weight by dieting and exercising- this is the first type. eating a donut that is the second type.

the first type is longer lasting - even when you haven't yet reached your goal weight you feel good about yourself

the second type- donut thing - the pleasure is quick- intense -but much shorter lasting and leaves us with a loser feeling that we did not keep we promised ourselves we wanted to accomplish

When we work a program we are doing the first type. its very pleasurable as we know we are doing the right thing and the almighty is smiling - and we actually respect ourselves and now have the ability to accomplish in unlimited ways
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS PAY-OFF?

I understand. It is still hard to live by it while I am not incorporating other, productive pleasures into my life. I am trying to exercise more frequently.
Does anyone know of a good number of times a week to exercise, is it dependent on each person?