Thanks, Serenity

Gibbor, I'd be interested in hearing your opinion as to why it doesn't work. Everyone has different experiences with these things.

Ok, so Ive been gone a while. And boy have I been gone, i can't even count on two hands all the falls since I left. I accept that I am powerless. I accept that I have no control. I accept that I am throwing away all that I ever wanted for myself. I accept that I am being dishonest to my wife. I accept that I need help. I accept that only Hashem can help me. I am coming back. Im gonna head out for a run, which always helps me. I am going to meditate, and raven. I am going to be active again here and I can use all the chizuk I can get. Lets do this , not just me, but everybody here. We are here for the same reason, lets take our lives back finally. As is often said here, we know what our main challenge is in life, so lets not leave here without facing that challenge!! Its good to be back here. Good Luck to all of us, I truly have all of you in my prayers and love everyone of you. I really and sincerely care because I know how you feel.

Welcome back,

did you perhaps notice the subtle switch in your tone from the first half of the post to the second?

b'hatzlachah

Thanks for returning tm613. The upbeat determination in your post is encouraging. Why not make your commitment a little more specific.
Say.. you will continue posting and having dialogue on the forum for the next certain # of months no matter what happens. Successive clean sober days(or otherwise).

This kind of continuity - chok veloh ya'avor - no matter the hurdles that may arise - is conducive to a wholesome healthy lifestyle.

WELCOME BACK!

I like that idea. This simply wont work if I'm only posting when I feel down or have a fall (like right now). So I'm gonna try my best for a post a day just for a week, and then ill take it from there. I'm know myself well enough to know that if I don't do this daily then it wont happen. Ok, so I just hady biggest streak since I started here, until today. Thankfully I'm learning to recognize and apprieciate improvement and how to pick myself up and move forward. That is by far the most impactful thing ive learnt, and am still learning here. Not to be down and say I lost every time I fall but to say, ok, what happened, how can I fix it, and to know that Hashem knows I'm struggling.

Yeah, hanging out here regularly is a huge thing -- take it from me. This may or may or not apply to you, but my inclination to take things to extremes makes my participation here very polarized: I'm either posting, posting, posting, or completely absent. That's why I wrote a reminder to myself in my signature (and to anyone else who needs it) to mellow out. I'm finding it's possible to channel, counter-productively, all of one's addictive energy into the recovery process too. Despite how wonderful that sounds, it's not a good thing. Yeah, it's great when you're on one of your dopamine highs, during the surge. But when the inevitable low comes around the corner, that means your recovery is suffering. The solution is balance, which is in short supply for addicts. So mellowing out, for me, is a more tangible strategy. I recognize when I'm taking something, anything, to an extreme, and bring it down to a more sustainable level, GYE included.

EDIT: By the way, I'm curious what some of the pros and veterans here have to say about what I wrote above. Is it possible to take recovery to a detrimentally obsessive level?

Have you looked at Dr. Sorotzkin's website? He has articles and audio on perfectionism. I tend to obsess about things. I found his comments to be very enlightening. I have a link in my signature. If you choose to check it out, let me know what you think.

TalmidChaim wrote:


I'm not a pro or an expert.
I think obsession is part of our sickness/disease; I don't think it's part of the solution at all. It's all about the effort exerted to recover. There are all types of methods out there. Similar to the five languages of love. If one gives his wife flowers once in the mornin', once in the afternoon, one for snack, again for the evenin' and one last time in bed - and she is allergic to flowers, this is what the song calls: found love in da wrong place (or did she say hopeless?). you know the mashal with the car spinnin' its wheels in da snow....you can press on that accelerator for as long and hard as you may damn please, but it won't get you out of da ditch any sooner. One can post and post and post to his heart content, but if he needs therapy or somethin' else, it ain't gonna help him one bit. Someone, however, who is in isolation and acts out as a way of bein' connected to someone or somethin', perhaps if he would post more and acquire a group of friends, it may be beneficial for him.

I went way past my quota of words, but for you TC, I make exceptions.

b'hatzlachah

We've waived the quota for you, Cordnoy -- no limit! And Gibbor, I've been, true to form, procrastinating reading those writings in your signature that you've been speaking so highly of all these months I've been here. My mistake.

Great insights though!

Very good point. You just gave me one more reason to show up tonight. I might be spinnin my wheels without going. Until i find the right medicine or cocktail i must keep on experimenting until I can stay sober.

I guess there's no such thing as too much of a good thing when it comes to recovery, as long as you're able to keep up with the program. And if you're not, it might be another problem at play, not over-indulgence in recovery.

alright, well I just feel if I dont take things to an extreme I wont be able to get out of this muck, and today has been the muckiest. I was so depressed that I almost didn't go to work. Gotta push forward as always and hope tomorrow will be better.

trueme613 wrote:


hope?
what will you be doin' to make it better?
disclaimer: i did nothin' to that effect.

b'hatzlachah

Hey Trueme,

If you feel like venting (and only if you feel like it), drop me a line. Depression's a nasty cycle, I know, but you have friends here.