I became addicted to masturbation at an early age, and my addiction really took off when I discovered chat rooms in my teens. This led to phone sex, pornography addiction, and finally to meeting people offline. Chat rooms have always been my main portal. I tried SA for many years, did the 12 steps, had sponsors, etc. but unfortunately only had very limited success and was never able to sustain sobriety for more than a few months. Tried therapy as well, which was mostly a waste of money. (I am not discouraging these tools for others, just saying that unfortunately I did not experience much recovery through them.) I gave up on SA working for me, but my addiction has continued to destroy me and I just don't know what else to do anymore. I am trying some of the tools of GYE, because I DO want to be sober and recover, and I am willing to try even though I feel lost and disconnected, and find it difficult to be optimistic about anything anymore.

Right now the main threat to my lust is a young woman I have chatted with the last few days who is very alluring to me and wants to meet me. I am sorely tempted for this even though I know it is wrong and will only lead to more pain, shame, and guilt -- because that's what always happens when I fall to lust. My goal for today is not to contact her again and not to pursue it if she contacts me. If I can safely disconnect from this lust opportunity it will help me greatly to march in the right direction.

Welcome GoodSoul!!!

Way to go, focus only on today!!!

One day and step at a time!!!

Looking forward to seeing you around!!!

Best of luck to you. As others have already said, you can do this one moment at a time. I used to think that "If I am not for myself..." meant that everyone should assert his or her rights and not let others trample over them. Now I wonder if you can interpret the saying another way as well: If I do not protect my neshama, who will?

Mind you, here on GYE you will get plenty of encouragement and wise advice, as I have been privileged to receive myself. The next moment's action is the only thing for which you are responsible.

You've already stayed clean, you wrote, for several months. For sure, you can manage several hours!

Welcome!
Is there anything you can think of to address the issue at hand? It's tough, but would it be possible, in a moment of sanity, to write her an email that would turn her away from you or something like that? I don't have experience in these things, but maybe someone who does can advise better.

Welcome,,
thanks for the share.
can you let us know a few things please?
Are you married?
How did you try the 12 steps?
Do you know why it didn't work?
Did the therapy produce any theories or results?
Finally, like the others said: Can you commit for right now? It is difficult! a woman/girl, a specific one, one who is interested in you can be very seducin'....it is not easy to listen to logic at these times; I know that....just tryin'.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome to the forum! Thank you for your honesty, it's refreshing. I hope you find what your looking for here.

I'm new to GYE and SA. I came into recovery on October 19, 2014 and that is my sobriety date. It's kind of scary to me to hear people that have spent many years in the program without success. I guess it's a dose of healthy fear for me. It makes me realize how fragile I am and how important it is for me to go any lengths for recovery. I could say that maybe some people are sicker than me, so I don't have to work as hard or worry too much. The problem with that is that I'm pretty sick, so it isn't likely that I'm unique or that they are.

If you are kind off to share with me to help my program, do you believe you went to any lengths for recovery and still failed or do you think your program was incomplete?

I have had some moments of sanity, one in which I told her it is wrong and we shouldn't talk any more, but of course then I had moments of insanity when I regretted doing the right thing and wanted to pursue it again. I'm an addict! I am afraid that there will be a moment of weakness that will coincide with a moment of opportunity and that I will fall -- thankfully when I was ready to pursue it she wasn't available -- but it is so so so hard to break away completely, finally, and move on with life in a healthy way and STAY like that.

Hi GoodSoul,

Welcome to GYE!

I have a ton of experience with chatrooms, so I can relate very much to what you're going through.

We look forward to getting to know you!

I am not married.
I tried the 12 steps and was a very active member of SA for almost 10 years.
I can't pinpoint why some people just sailed through the program into long-term sobriety and I was not so fortunate. I don't think it's true that the people who try the hardest always see the best results. It's not so simple. Maybe some people are just better attuned to the program or to recovery, or they click better with it, or they get whatever spiritual help they need sooner than others. Who knows? This isn't a science. I found it very frustrating when the program would make this lavish promises about anyone who sincerely tried it would be successful. I can look into my heart and know I was sincere and sacrificed greatly, but did not reap the rewards of long-term sobriety. Ultimately I started to resent the program and no longer felt connected to it, and I stopped going.
Again, I would not discourage anyone from SA, because obviously it helps many people, and I too did benefit from it and met wonderful people along the way, but I don't think it is a magic bullet that can help everyone. I don't think anyone who doesn't succeed in SA is a failure who obviously didn't try hard enough. That isn't fair to say about someone.
The therapy did not help me, became very expensive, and was leading nowhere. At some point it was just my therapist and me arguing about whether or not I needed more therapy. Again, this is something that can help people, but it didn't work for me.
I can commit to right now, and I hope that if she does call me I will have the strength to say no and tell her to lose my number. I have lost a lot of confidence in myself and my ability to really be sober. Giving up makes it a lot easier to act out. Not giving up when you have been through almost everything like I have also seems impossible.

Like I wrote above, this territory is well familiar with me and strikes a chord; very dangerous as well. If you indeed are an addict, then you are correct that it is your job to move on in life, but it is NOT your responsibility to stay that way; that we/you/I will leave up to God!
My suggestion would be (as it is written in the books) to make the decision to turn over one problem, one event, at a time - let go, and let God!

b'hatzlachah

Any lengths is a fuzzy term that I started to resent in the program. No, I did not smash my computer, castrate myself, and hire someone to be with me 24/7 to prevent me from acting out. That would be any lengths. I did go to great lengths and I am frustrated that I did not see more results from them. I saw many people get sober who did not do all that I did. It's not a contest to see who is willing to do more, and it is easy for people who are sober to look down on those who are not and say they aren't willing to do what it takes. Ironic when some of those sober people later fall.

So, bottom line, no program is perfect. There is always more anyone can do to safeguard themselves. We have to try to learn to live normal, healthy lives while also creating reasonable safeguards to protect ourselves, which are not necessary for people who don't share our addiction. I don't want a recovery that trades my currently crazy life for just a different kind of crazy. My goal is to be a normal, healthy person who has responsible safeguards to help prevent acting out.

I am definitely an addict. I know my acting out is destructive and only leads to pain, yet I have continued acting out relentlessly for all of my adult life. Right now my main challenge is to clean house from a tantalizing opportunity to act out in person with someone who I am very tempted by, and to actually feel GOOD when I let that "opportunity" go forever -- not to later miss it and try to get it back.

By the way, I just want to thank everyone who has responded with their shares and their encouragement. That is something I definitely miss from my days as an active member of SA. There is a lot I don't miss about SA, but the main thing I appreciated was the support and camaraderie.

As part of my history is in the Mikvah thread (in the bb forum), i tried pm'in' you, but t'wasn't workin', so if you'd like, you can email me: thenewme613@hotmail.com

Wow, thank for you sharing all that with me. I never thought of going to any lengths on the terms you have mentioned. For me it's more the positive lengths that are available. Restrictions (and I'm not talking about chemical castration) aren't going to stop me from acting out or help me get better. Personally I don't know how long term will look for me. I try not to look at it. I can say that I am in a small SA group and not one person from there calls me regularly and one 1 or 2 call at all. They seem to always be "failing". But, I really don't see them even working the basics of the program, like having a daily call list. I don't want to take their inventories, but I need to observe the obvious to help myself. I have another friend who has 7 years. It's just as much as the perv as the rest of us, but his program is down pat. It's not that he works harder than anyone, he just does the stuff that's suggested. I hope the same works for me.

Welcome!

I don't have much to add to what everyone else said. I will just add one point. Finding a therapist is like finding a shidduch. They are not all good, and not all the good ones are good for YOU.