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From tragedy to redemption
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TOPIC: From tragedy to redemption 55261 Views

Re: From tragedy to redemption 21 Aug 2015 04:47 #262462

  • newlife
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I just read the first six pages of this thread and WOW!! do I relate to this idea of not becoming what I thought and was expected I would be.

On another note, I wish I can lust day and night without consequences and it kills me to know that I cannot. That being said, however, I am so happy that I am starting to work on this aggressively (or at least more aggressive than in the past) because I know that it means my life, job, family (in no specific order).

Re: From tragedy to redemption 21 Aug 2015 12:46 #262472

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What do you mean in saying that that's Jack's nigun?

ok, i will answer that.way back, when there were only a few people on this forum, we started the 90 day thing based on something that a sex-addiction therapist said on a phone call run by my friend in the southern part of the YOUnited states.i was in on that phone call.when i heard that 90 days is a good start to battling addiction, i decided to go for it.i believe i was the first person on GYE to do the 90 days and beyond.our leader was so happy that i accomplished that feat, that he put up a song in my honor.and that's also when the wall of honor was started.that 90 days was the most difficult period i ever went through voluntarily in my entire life.i had the help of my little (well, not so little - he's 6 ft tall!) friend in the south.he helped me over the hump - and it wasn't easy.my story is on the thread - 1st time my story (i dont know how to link to it).it was because of that experience that the 90 days thing became part of GYE.
that's how it was, 7 years ago (today).the only difference is, you are there!
jack
Last Edit: 21 Aug 2015 12:47 by jack.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 21 Aug 2015 15:42 #262492

  • shlomoy
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Hashivalisesonyishecho Its good to know its your thread....but guess what it really is GYE and they do the copyright otherwise i wouldnt be able to post..............But dont worry your my Good friend too.....maybe you should also have a nigun that we can call it on your name.....................

Re: From tragedy to redemption 21 Aug 2015 15:55 #262494

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shlomoy wrote:
Hashivalisesonyishecho Its good to know its your thread....but guess what it really is GYE and they do the copyright otherwise i wouldnt be able to post..............But dont worry your my Good friend too.....maybe you should also have a nigun that we can call it on your name.....................

but I thank you the Baal Haachsanya Hashiva.......and be Moichel if I said something wrong.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 21 Aug 2015 20:26 #262513

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Hashem
Last Edit: 21 Aug 2015 21:06 by Hashivalisesonyishecho.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 21 Aug 2015 20:28 #262514

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shlomoy wrote:
shlomoy wrote:
Hashivalisesonyishecho Its good to know its your thread....but guess what it really is GYE



but I thank you the Baal Haachsanya Hashiva.......and be Moichel if I said something wrong.

That's exactly what I said...It's MYYYY thread!!! and it really is GYE-va. Like the Zaide Lavan said וכל אשר אתה רואה לי הוא

You said everything right. Sorry, I know it's Elul but I'm afraid you're gonna hafta find more real things to ask mechila about from people or Hashem

Re: From tragedy to redemption 23 Aug 2015 17:38 #262582

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From the days when Dov wrote in brief:

Dov wrote:
Woah, Neveragain - May I remind you of what Bill and Bob wrote near the end of their book: "This book is suggestive only...". My sponsor reminded me once that this is not a matter of faith, just experience. If something doesn't work for you, why would anyone want to keep it? Is AA or SA a religion? Last time I checked, the Program was secular (look up the word if you think [as I did] that it means "w/o G-d"). And thank G-d for that! I can have a roman catholic sponsor whose help saved my life and led me to caring about wearing rabeinu Tam's, learning with hislahavus before shacharis in the morning, building a heiligeh (sorry Reb b!) home with my wife, and learning how to be a true jewish father to my kids - and for the same reason, I am able to sponsor yidden who are frum, agnostics, frum but still totally sold on lust (oy?), evangelicals, and mormons, all the same way. And each person is precious to Hashem right where he is, and will grow into living the right way only after they become sober.

So SA is not a religion, just a toolbox. The tools work for me so far. Why listen to the religio-program types at all? Just take what works and leave what doesn't behind you!

(fluff) Dov

PS. Indulge me here...OK so what are the lies in AA? And how did you determine what wasn't working for you vs you not working it? What do you mean when you say you tried it? Do you mean that you read it and tried carrying out what they suggest, or that it just seemed so stupid that in all honesty you just couldn't bear to go there at all? Being pretty sold on much of the program, I'd like to hear it clear from someone who has been there. I may not respond, but I'd like to learn, maybe trade notes. I'm OK with that, but not debating. Thanks. If you'd prefer to PM me, that's fine. Bye!
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Re: From tragedy to redemption 24 Aug 2015 04:56 #262617

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newlife wrote:
I just read the first six pages of this thread and WOW!! do I relate to this idea of not becoming what I thought and was expected I would be.

On another note, I wish I can lust day and night without consequences and it kills me to know that I cannot. That being said, however, I am so happy that I am starting to work on this aggressively (or at least more aggressive than in the past) because I know that it means my life, job, family (in no specific order).


Thankfully, through the insight of some chaverim here, I am moving my focus away from what I should 'become' and instead focusing on what I should 'do' each day and each moment on it's own. It is more wholesome. Doing good out of ambition to 'become' something isn't really doing the good for it's own value. So it doesn't really make me a good person, and it won't bring me to be the person I fantasized about 'becoming'. Doing the right thing one day at a time is really wanting to do the right thing for it's own sake. That eventually brings real growth too. When a person only wants to 'be' great but doesn't particularly care about doing the right thing for it's own sake, then he wishes he can lust day and night without consequences, because all he cares about are the consequences of 'being' or 'not being' this and that. But when a persons gets of his high horse of 'being great', and makes his focus to be about 'doing good', then he gets into the mode of not wanting to lust because it's not 'good'

Re: From tragedy to redemption 24 Aug 2015 08:21 #262618

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Thank you for this great post. Btw It echoes what rebbetzen tzippora heller wrote in this weeks hamodia.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 25 Aug 2015 10:25 #262682

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Hashivalisesonyishecho.......
youre thread is great..and of course what you just wrote
:. When a person only wants to 'be' great but doesn't particularly care about doing the right thing for it's own sake, then he wishes he can lust day and night without consequences, because all he cares about are the consequences of 'being' or 'not being' this and that.....
is in the Rambams words at the end of Hilchos Tsuvah.............
Last Edit: 25 Aug 2015 10:28 by shlomoy.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 25 Aug 2015 17:59 #262725

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Shlomo & Shlomo

Thank you for the citations.

I didn't see this article nor did I recently learn The Rambam,(which btw I looked up and found that you are probably refering to (10,4) and it should be recommended reading in Elul and other times) It is wisdom that I learned from recent exchanges with chaverim here. I'm mentioning this to highlight the value of these discussions as it is written machaverai yoser mahem, that from az nidberu with chverim one learns more than from a rebbee.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 30 Aug 2015 04:17 #262912

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Does anyone know of a good publication on the specific halachos of shmiras einayim which brings sources for the rulings?
Last Edit: 30 Aug 2015 04:18 by Hashivalisesonyishecho.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 31 Aug 2015 20:07 #262986

  • gibbor120
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Sefer Esa Einai, while mainly dealing with the mussar aspect of shmiras einayim (and is a very good sefer), also deals with the halachos at the beginning. Some of it is just pain mishna brura.

Is there something specific you are "looking" for. No pun intended .

Re: From tragedy to redemption 11 Sep 2015 15:25 #263745

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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I think the importance of taking one day at a time and one nisoyon at a time rather than making a plan to always be good form now on and never falter, is that with the latter the person feels it's all or nothing and since he sometimes feels that 'all' isn't going to work, so he winds up with nothing, whereas with the first approach, sometimes even when the nisoyon is intense, his goodness could emerge because he could feel that he can manage to overcome it this one time, and also even if ch'v he doesn't overcome it, he could still succeed next time because each instance is separate.

I think that this is well known to most of the folks here, and I'm not professing to say a chidush, but just to clarify for myself and to remind others of what they already know. (Or maybe some people are like me and could benefit from the clarification)

Re: From tragedy to redemption 20 Oct 2015 20:58 #266471

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Reb TzviMeyer Zilverberg Shlit"a constantly repeats this precise idea you asked for. I consider him one of my main mentors in Torah/avodas Hashem though I am a very poor example of a talmid. If you like, you can check out his writings and shmoozen. Speaks every Friday in his beis midrash in the gush shmonim area of Yerushalayim, if you are ever there. 12 or 1pm he starts, goes for about 1.5 hrs, and (if you can still breath when he is done) your Shabbos will be much nicer!

He talks about reality and acceptance in a humble way rather than building edifices of religious ego (we like to call them 'madreigos').
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