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TOPIC: Trying to Stay Clean 518 Views

Trying to Stay Clean 06 Jan 2015 01:40 #246615

  • dying4freedom
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I am 27 and I am married with 2 kids. I have heard of GYE in the past but have never really gotten into it. I was shmoozing with a friend of mine and he was telling me about an article on the website so I decided to sign up. I have always struggled with controlling what I look at. When I was younger and stupider I didn't really care about or believe in the damaging effect that spilling seed had. I hung out with many girls and did many different things that I have not and would not tell my wife about. When I was 19 I went to yeshiva in Israel and the Mashgiach was very into trying to get people to stop jerking off and he was very straightforward about this topic....somehow he always knew when someone had masturbated recently. It was then that I tried to stop and realized how hard it would be. For a while I stopped watching TV shows and movies but that didn't help. I have been trying (probably not hard enough) to stop for the past 8 years and I usually don't last more than 5 or 6 days. Every time I do it, one second after I hate myself and I get upset at hashem for giving me a test that is so hard (or as I see it impossible) to pass. I used to go so far to blame hashem for what I was doing and then I would pray to him for forgiveness. It is a long road and it has been a while since I have sat down to watch porn...maybe about 2 months. The problem is that just because I dont watch porn doesn't mean I wont jerk but it definitely makes it less likely. My main shmiras einayim problem now is trying not to look at scantily clad womens parts. I sometimes catch myself and look away but not often enough. Lately I think I have been getting better. I am on a shmiras bris streak that is longer than I can remember (almost 6 weeks)and I am thankful to GYE for the support.
Last Edit: 09 Jan 2015 00:28 by dying4freedom.

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 02:16 #246621

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! It sounds like you are doing great. Keep up the good work!

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 02:17 #246623

  • cordnoy
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Welcome,

Kein yirbu!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 04:00 #246627

  • dms1234
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WELCOME!!!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 06:10 #246630

  • bigmoish
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Welcome!
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 15:37 #246662

  • dd
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  • כל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי מודה אני לפניך
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Welcome!!!

Looking forward to seeing you around!!

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 21:17 #246687

  • Shmeichel
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hello dear dying4freedom
welcome to gye
what a great good start
KeepOnTrucking
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 21:18 #246688

  • dying4freedom
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What is the Whitebook, Handbook? TIA

Re: Trying to control my addiction 06 Jan 2015 21:55 #246697

  • cordnoy
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Resources
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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