I been thinking and I've decided to post my story because i feel that opening up will really help me now
Im 14, 3 years ago my father was arrested for a white collar crime (a crime with money)that year was a horrible year filled with emotional ups and downs that year was also the year i discovered masturbation every time i felt a little stress i whould run to my bathroom and just start masturbating then a year later (i was 12) my father was sentenced to 2 years in prison all of a sudden my family became the town nebachs people were hugging and kissing me in public telling me they loved me and dropping of food for shabbos i wanted to just curl up and die then i discovered porn every time i felt a little pressure i whould grab my iPod run into my bathroom search up porn and watch and masturbate it came to a point were i was masturbating 4 to 5 times repetitively every few hours even when I went to visit my father in prison i whould be masturbating in the prison bathroom, for better or for worse my mother sort of found out about my addiction to porn one day my iPod was broken so i watched porn on her phone when she was looking at her history she found it when she asked me about it i claimed i had nothing to do with it and the topic has been left alone ever since. Baruch hashem my father was released from prision very early but when he came out he was very different he would scream often and whould fight with me my mother and my sibilings all the time this increased my porn watching and masturbation and this is where I am now i started gye around 2 weeks ago and i feel like im on a never ending roller coaster up,down,up,down 3 days clean then i watch porn 2 days clean then i masturbate 5 days clean then i watch porn and masturbate i started the partner program and my partner is a really good guy but haveing a partner dosent stop me from falling i also just started a non jewish program called fortify suggested to me by gye but i don't know what to do now
Any advice??

Wow, what a great step in your recovery! Keep it going! What tools is Fortify offering you?


My email is gomu2serenity@gmail.com

Yes. You have suffered a lot, chaver. Your honesty here is beautiful and simple. Thanks for this gift.

You discovered the sweet nechoma of porn and sex with yourself at a very dark and sad time in your life and my heart tells me that you may not be experiencing an addiction at all. Please don't let that shock you. I am an addict and sharing this with you because the truth is what you need, not just 'comfort' or 'advice'.

If you would like to discuss it further, you can do it by emailing me at wequithiding@gmail.com and we can just discuss the possibilities that way or by phone.

You are not alone and GYE is a great place. Boruch Hashem you had the bravery (and pain) to come here and open up!

Ditto to Dov.

We had similar conversations on your other thread.

Listen well to what Dov was sayin' and what he will say.

b'hatzlachah

Is there a doctor in the house to help Cordnoy out please?

Welcome aboard. It sounds like you have been through an incredible amount. I don't know enough to offer advise but I do know that when a person struggles with difficult challenges and does not give up, they become a better person for it, and their experiences give them understanding and empathy that most other people cannot even dream of. I wish you strength in your efforts.

You have a community here that welcomes you, is pulling for you and will cry and laugh with you.

Wow. That said it all right there. Beautiful truth. We love each other this way, by sharing ourselves, not by showing off how smart we are like when someone might be giving a chabura or 'teaching'...this here is our pain, our real life, our empathy.

Wow, you are so right.

Have a good day all chaverim!!

amazing story, keep fighting!!

What sometimes helps for me is when i start to get an urge to look at 'innapropriate material' and the urge seems overwhelming, I remind myself that the urge will pass eventually -- then i try to get out of the problematic setting, or i talk to someone etc. to delay giving in to the urge. Sometimes it's the feeling that it's hopeless to fight because "there's no way i can resist this strong urge forever" is where we lose. Just the knowledge itself that delaying the urge will subside it somewhat can help!! (just my 2 cents...)

So very true!

It's unfortunate that such a true fact is completely inappropriate advice for people like me and others like me. But that does not take a drop away from its value for others!

Thank you!

I told my rebbi today it felt so good to open up to someone that u can actually be with, he said he is going to call a few people and figure out the best way to deal with this he also told me that it is a really common problem and he said that it is really mature of me for opening up about it.

That's awesome! !! KOMT!!!!

Great stuff!

thanks for the share.

b'hatzlachah

sorry I missed you before.

WELCOME! You are quite brave, and mature beyond your years. You seem committed to getting help. That may be the most important thing. Keep us posted on your progress. We are here for you.

Gimpel123456789 wrote:


Did he end up calling any sexaholic rebbis recovering in SA? Just curious...