I think that applies to me a lot. My cravings for human relationship, attention and affection combined with my inability to fulfill that need in a healthy way contributed to my addiction.

Would you care to explain why it couldn't be fulfilled?
No pressure though.

Yes , makes a lot of sense.Back in school age 13-14 everybody around me had girl friends. ( at that age it meant , sticking together , holding hands , etc ). I was not the out going type so i did not "picked up a girlfriend " . but that vacuum stayed with me . i yearned to have a "love" . So i guess thats where females gained so much reverence in my eyes ( of course among many other character defects ). Its kind of funny that "relationship addiction" . clicked something . Well today , i guess , we all have that child within us.

Great!

And now it's time for you to take the poll.

I just gave my vote . Eyes are the beginning and the end . when we are not watching with our physical eyes we are doing it with the eyes of our mind. ( but that relates to me . I can not talk for others ) . Wishing all GYE members refuat hanefesh ve refuat haguf.

Check this out

Ah the question of the day! Maybe I'll have the answer after I finish my 4th step. I think I can partially answer it though. First and just to be clear, it was due to my own dysfunction and lack of knowledge or understanding as how to connect with people to get the attention I craved in a healthy way. ---- Wow Avrom, thanks for that! My mind just flash flooded with thoughts about how, over the years, I would seek attention in unhealthy ways and not just in connection with acting out in my sexual disease. I made trouble in school, had behavioral problems at home, etc. People would always say, "he's just trying to get attention", and that would really get me angry. I hated when people said that. I could see myself hitting someone or at least screaming at them for saying that about me. And low and behold 35 or so years later, I can begin to see how they were right, thanks to a caring person I have never met and don't know. The question is what came first or was learned first, my desire for attention or the negative attention that I was being given and the label. Whatever the case, I developed a pattern of engaging in attention seeking behaviors and perhaps that's how I came to relate to people. That behavior became manifest in my desire to connect with people physically, emotionally and eventually sexually. I would imagine there are several character traits involved, including feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, fear and/or compulsivity. Interesting that as about 10th grade I started to be behave at school and at home. I had reached a point where I learned how to garner positive attention and that was getting me farther. However that wasn't carried over to my addiction. Perhaps that is what I'm doing now. Learning to garner positive attention in addiction through my recovery. At least with the 12 step program, I will be able to analyze that and hopefully reach a spiritual recovery that will mend these deficiencies.

cordnoy wrote:


Complacency is a killer as well, for let us say (hypothetically speakin') that one has an extended amount of time that he was clean and sober, he may say to himself (h"s'), "I can look on the street; it won't make much of a difference to me; what harm can come from that? it will not lead to anythin' catastrophic; is a bit of enjoyment in this world gonna ruin my life?" So then, when the question is posed: what ya' concerned about? the answer is more that I am worried about the end game; I don't wanna fall at the end. Livin' life is real nice, and I don't wanna suffer thru that Hell again!

so ya' know somethin' smarty-pants; if that's the truth as well, then continue on guard for all types of lust manifestation, for as Watson is want to say: Lust is lust; no matter how you slice it, so keep da hell away from me; actually tellin' the lust to go away might not be such a fantastic idea (and the good Doc would never have said it that way); but rather, work on myself that I don't feel the need or desire to indulge in life's fantasy land.

b'hatzlachah to all!

My biggest concern is thinking about tomorrow. I have to focus on today and, yes, not let any lust in. My second biggest concern is going to . Not sure why going there always gets to me.

simple!
because you think you deserve only second class wholesale stuff

What goes on in my head really concerns me the most.

Looking at my previous answer, the first part is still true. The Costco part, not such a problem anymore.

cordnoy wrote:


As # 3 had only one vote, I changed it to somethin' that worries me the most (if I'd be worried; I'm not, for either I am focused on right now, or I'm fantasizin', and in that case, i'm not worried), so with that bein' said, i changed my vote.

cordnoy wrote:


two and a half months later, but it's still the damn head that bothers me the most.

Thank God you people don't have the hard drive that I've got in my head!

It took a while, but you finally convinced me to change my vote.