Serenity you are doing great ! mazel tov for reaching 90 !! Our blessings and prayers that Hashem shall continue guiding you through your journey more and more ! KOMT !!!

Mazel Tov!!!

May Hashem continue to grant you serenity, courage, and wisdom each and every day. Hatzlacha and KOMT!!

Mazel Tov!

May you have the strengh and courage to go forward to full sobriety, may you come closer to Hashem in all ways, with lots of Beracha and Hatzlacha.

What does it mean to be "willing to go to any lengths to get what we have"? The natural instinct here is start thinking about what I'm willing to do to get sobriety. In other words what makes sense to me. So I'll look through the GYE tools and pick and choose, maybe I'll join SA, maybe I'll do a GYE phone meeting, maybe I'll get a sponsor. Yea a sponsor that makes sense. Ooooh ooooh ooooh, I know, I'll join Dov's Desperados! That really sounds cool. Yea, I'll do all that stuff, why not give it a try or why not try it again.

The problem with that thinking is that it is total baloney. We aren't ready to go to any lengths, if we are sticking our own thinking into it. You know where our thinking got us, no where. At least that's the case for people like me. If your thinking works for you, then you are due full respect.

When I am willing to go to any lengths? When I say "yes" to the person asking "are you willing to go to any lengths to have what we have?". And when I then proceed to ask him what I need to do based on his experience. He's the person that has what I want and I am now ready to listen to him tell me what I have to do to get there. What I think, is meaningless, unless he tells me otherwise.

Hatzlacha

i think that going to all lengths means willing to put sobriety in the forefront of our lives before everything else. a common phrase said in sa is that anything that you put in front of sobriety is what you are going to lose to sobriety. i put seder in front of sobriety and i have come to realize that right now, sobriety is more important.

Just checking in. I'm doing well. I hope and pray for a daily reprieve from the obsession of lust, which is a big gift from Hashem. Personally I'm powerless over lust, but that's okay. I don't to tangle with lust anymore. My life is just fine without engaging in lust. In fact life hasn't been this good in many years. I can't even remember the last time I actually lived life prior to recovery. For years my life was dependent on external things. It still is to a large extent, but I'm noticing that now and things are getting better.

Writing the second draft of my step one in order to tell it to my SA group. I'm so afraid of doing that, but I know I have to. I won't be able to do it with out 3 more

JACS spiritual day in NY tomorrow morning. The flyer and schedule are attached.

Hatzlacha!

I'm sharing my story in two weeks as part of my 1st step of SA. It's something I'm looking forward to having done and over with. I'm not looking forward to sharing it though. I'm just looking forward to being done with it . I'm sure I'll share it in the future some time as well and I'll be looking forward to being done with it then also . It's a pretty embarrassing and humiliating story. I don't take a lot of comfort in the fact that other people have similar or worse stories and I realize that I'm not particularly unique amongst addicts. No matter how you slice it though, it's a difficult to swallow. However, it is a necessary part of recovery and so I will take my medicine. The alternative is much worse. The only other solace I take, aside from knowing I need to do this, is that it may help someone else and that means the world to me.

Dear serenity, it would be good you update your sobriety count, you actually won't find it in the 90 day chart (no you haven't fallen out) rather find it by the wall of honor, not that it matters so much, but it's an incentive to keep going strong.
With much Hatzlacha!

Serenity: i gain so much from your posts, and hope that telling your personal story will help you on the road of recovery.

I did it on Dov's phone conference a while back. It is a liberating feeling. It helped me to accept myself as I am, and come to terms with who I am. I have the same hopes for you. Let us know how it goes.

I never knew myself to be a jealous person. However after refection and becoming aware of my character defects in recovery, I find that I have a lot of jealously. This is especially true when it comes to people who are more financially successful than me. I'm not even talking about very wealthy people, just what at-least I think of as upper middle class. It really makes no sense for me have this jealously though. I could have and would have obtained a nice degree of financial comfort, had I not riddled my life with addiction. So it makes no sense for me to be jealous of what I could have had, but for my addiction. I don't know what Hashem's Will for me will be tomorrow or in the future, I only hope that I have the vision to recognize it, the insight to accept it and the courage to carry it out.

First of all there is basic nature's law out there that says something like this: "if you can imagine it (envision,picture it in your mind ) , you can make it happen."
So start thinking where you would like to ski next year .
About your son , how much are we talking about ?

I don't know how much. We are looking into places for him. Thanks for your interest.

Hatzlacha!