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TOPIC: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 38794 Views

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 20 Aug 2015 23:23 #262443

  • cordnoy
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Hatzileini Na wrote:
Just had a situation where I found myself with access to some things I generally don't and it hit me hard. B"H in a couple of seconds I caught myself and I was able to shake the craziness and regain focus. It's a reminder that I needed to not get overconfident. A fall can be just one overconfidence away...


Well done!

Perhaps it is overconfidence, but I would say it a tad different. As an addict, I know that I will always have these tendencies; I need to always be workin' a program, for otherwise, it will be impossible for me to remain sober. So, yes, overconfidence is no good....the question is what to be doin' about it.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 23 Aug 2015 06:27 #262537

cordnoy wrote:
Hatzileini Na wrote:
Just had a situation where I found myself with access to some things I generally don't and it hit me hard. B"H in a couple of seconds I caught myself and I was able to shake the craziness and regain focus. It's a reminder that I needed to not get overconfident. A fall can be just one overconfidence away...


Well done!

Perhaps it is overconfidence, but I would say it a tad different. As an addict, I know that I will always have these tendencies; I need to always be workin' a program, for otherwise, it will be impossible for me to remain sober. So, yes, overconfidence is no good....the question is what to be doin' about it.


That's something to think about. For me it feels like a degree of overconfidence because when I am going well I find myself instinctively looking away, and even if I see something, not really getting triggered by it.



Have a different challenge the next few days. I'll be the only one staying where I live the next few days, and some of the other people have literature that is definitely not good for me. Have to plan in advance to make sure I don't run into trouble.

I'm thinking:

TaphSic for the next few days minimally
Make sure to be away as much as possible (possibly find another place to sleep even)
Other ideas...

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 23 Aug 2015 07:36 #262539

  • cordnoy
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You'll be fine.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 23 Aug 2015 18:57 #262588

cordnoy wrote:
You'll be fine.


That's the goal, and here's the approach.

I am making a Taphsic Shevuah as follows:

Beginning right now and the next two days (until Wednesday morning) I am making a separate Shevuah for each day as a reminder that it is one day at a time and I am making it so that it will really hurt (but still be within the bounds of feasible.)

$500 to Tzedakah if I enter the room where the literature is for the purpose of going to read (if I have to enter for a different reason, it does not apply, though the next steps do), $1000 if I read from the book, and $2000 if I masturbate. This is all if I do not do anything in advance when hit by a lust attack. If before hand I either: visit a neighbor's apartment (or someone else) for 30 minutes, leave the house for 30 minutes or if either of those options is impossible learn or listen to Jewish music for 30 minutes or come on to the site for 30 minutes (or a combination of factors) the numbers will be reduced by 75% (so $125, $250 and $500.) Bez"H this should place a pretty strong deterrent.

Beyond this I plan to:
Stay at work later than usual if I am not wiped out (since working late wears me out in the long run.
Eat out (at family/friends/restaurant) each night so I am spending less time at home
Remember to surrender to Hashem, to recognize my helplessness in the face of lust
Last Edit: 23 Aug 2015 18:58 by Hatzileini Na.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 23 Aug 2015 19:05 #262589

  • cordnoy
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Hatzileini Na wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
You'll be fine.


That's the goal, and here's the approach.

Bez"H this should place a pretty strong deterrent.


I'd say!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 23 Aug 2015 20:52 #262596

cordnoy wrote:
Hatzileini Na wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
You'll be fine.


That's the goal, and here's the approach.

Bez"H this should place a pretty strong deterrent.


I'd say!


You know how us crazies are. We've sacrificed more at times, so I'm trying to keep it in mind without fooling myself that it is foolproof.

Thanks for continually stoping by and providing Chizuk!

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 23 Aug 2015 21:00 #262599

  • cordnoy
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Hatzileini Na wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
Hatzileini Na wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
You'll be fine.


That's the goal, and here's the approach.

Bez"H this should place a pretty strong deterrent.


I'd say!


You know how us crazies are. We've sacrificed more at times, so I'm trying to keep it in mind without fooling myself that it is foolproof.

Thanks for continually stoping by and providing Chizuk!


My pleasure.

it keeps me outta trouble.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 25 Aug 2015 03:15 #262666

cordnoy wrote:


My pleasure.

it keeps me outta trouble.


Sounds good to me!

B"H things have been going pretty well. Bridged work and eating out with an extended learning Seder which kept me out of the house today and working to make sure I don't take the "first sip" anywhere

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 25 Aug 2015 11:03 #262684

  • cordnoy
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Hatzileini Na wrote:
cordnoy wrote:


My pleasure.

it keeps me outta trouble.


Sounds good to me!

B"H things have been going pretty well. Bridged work and eating out with an extended learning Seder which kept me out of the house today and working to make sure I don't take the "first sip" anywhere


BH!!!!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 27 Aug 2015 03:59 #262810

B"H got through the challenge without much of a hitch. Not surprisingly though, I found last night (when the challenge was over) to be particularly tough. Had a very hard time sleeping, was extremely stressed, etc. Ended up reading something I shouldn't have for a few minutes but B"H put that down and that was it, and while definitely not kosher reading, (was a popular women's magazine) it wasn't porn and the like.

I think a letdown after an intense period is expected and I should have seen it coming, and will keep focus so that with the help of Hashem today will be a good day.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 07 Sep 2015 23:13 #263480

Went on a trip to Eretz Yisrael. Was amazing B"H. Had one night where there was a concern since I was alone in a hotel but made a Taphsic Shevuah, and was not an issue.

I had one night where I am not sure whether it was a wet dream, or if I was awake. It's stupid but I really want it to have been the former since I have been going really well on this streak, but as woke up numerous times that night I am really not sure

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 08 Sep 2015 01:15 #263483

  • serenity
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You're good. Look forward!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 13 Sep 2015 16:56 #263804

It's Erev Rosh Hashana, and like for many people it seems, this time of year can provide additional challenges in trying to live up to an unrealistic vision that I have of where I should be, and handle things like Selichos and keep on top of Shemiras Einayim in general.

Over the last few weeks I've slipped a few times. B"H no falls, but the type of activity that if continued inevitably leads to falling. Instead of waiting until then, I feel like it's time to start the new year starting from zero again in my mind. While for now I don't plan on resetting the number of days, in my mind, I am starting fresh.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Rosh Hashana, feeling the love of Hashem and Klal Yisrael (especially the GYE family who is pulling for you to find your best self, to find hapiness and fulfillment in your relationship with Hashem, in your relationship with others and in your relationship with yourself.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 16 Sep 2015 22:24 #263941

Last night was one of the toughest I can remember in a long time. I couldn't sleep, and was having trouble clearing my mind. B"H I fought, I Davened, I surrendered, I listened to music, read books and eventually fell asleep.

Well... no one promised it would be easy. B"H moving onward and Bez"H upward.

Re: It's a new year, and it is time I started posting 17 Sep 2015 00:36 #263957

  • cordnoy
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Hatzileini Na wrote:
Last night was one of the toughest I can remember in a long time. I couldn't sleep, and was having trouble clearing my mind. B"H I fought, I Davened, I surrendered, I listened to music, read books and eventually fell asleep.

Well... no one promised it would be easy. B"H moving onward and Bez"H upward.


there is very little that we are promised.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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