Like cordnoy said, you said a lot. I will just share one thought that helped me (and many others). It's source is AA. Drinking (in our case "Lusting") is not the "problem", it is the "solution".

For those of use who are addicts, we use lust the same way an alcoholic uses alcohol (drug user uses drugs etc.). It's a way to escape reality and live in fantasy. 12 step groups are about learning to live in a healthy way so that we don't need the escape.

There are a couple of good links in my signature. "Dov Quotes" is one. Another good one for 12 steps is "additional tools". "Skep's tips", has a lot of good yesodos as well.

Like I said, there's lots to learn here. It looks like you are jumping right in.

To echo what Gibbor was sayin', I cited this on a different thread today:

For those who enter recovery through this program, the realization of powerlessness becomes coupled with growing awareness of personal unmanageability-the fact that something is out of kilter at the core of the self. For it is our very self that has turned from life. If we are content with ourselves, simply minus the compulsion, there can be no recovery. Recovery is more than mere sobriety.
Deep inside we always knew there were other things wrong with us, and it turns out our addictions were really trying to keep us from facing them. This is why, once the initial surrender of Steps One, Two, and Three is made,Steps Four through Ten deal with exposing, confessing, and righting our wrongs.
In sobriety we quickly learn that we are just as powerless over other defects that begin to surface (resentment, for example) as we ever were over lust, sex, and dependency. The fact that these other problems aren't necessarily as obvious as lust can seduce us into the notion we're really okay. We can go for stretches of time without acting out on them, but when things go wrong, watch out! They burst forth with a fearsome vengeance and fury. Bad feelings boil up as if out of nowhere-feelings that are against others, that isolate us and force us back into the prison-house of the self. We'd rather believe such outbursts are simply results of what others are doing to us, unwilling to see that we think and act badly because there's something wrong inside us. As though bitter waters can spring up from a pure well.
What great relief to finally come to the place where we can say, not only "I'm powerless over lust," but "I'm powerless over me!"

I would suggest chatting with someone here like a mentor or if your going to do the 12 steps one of the mentors there to help sort out all of this stuff and so you can actually start working on yourself instead of just thinking about it

DesperateForChange wrote:


Keep on posting, keep on sharing, follow the advice the tzaddikim here give you. You will understand.

Like I said, if Hashem wanted someone perfect who never did anything wrong, He would have created you that way. He created you exactly the way He wanted you to be. Trust that He knew what He was doing when He created you. He's never wrong.

Keep up the good work! (KUTGW )



If you recognize that it's just "this area" of you that's "not awesome," why not take a step back and look at yourself as a whole? I'm an awesome person with tons of great qualities. One of my flaws is that I have a lust addiction/habit. I'm failing to see the contradiction.


I'm not sure where these statistics are from, but I'm personally unconvinced. I honestly feel extremely lucky that my situation got bad enough for me to turn to GYE. If I would never have come here, I would just continue my futile attempts to "fight" tayvah without ever recognizing what the proper tools are, and I believe that many in our community who are "doing fine" are not doing nearly as fine as they appear.

Keep on Trucking, Posting, Monster Trucking, and whatever else keeps your mind focused in the right direction!

Moish