trysohard,

When you are ready to trysohard (which is not so easy), I'm sure you'll figure out a way to install the password, where you cannot locate it in the future.

It is a tough one, but well worth it!

b'hatzlachah

dear tsh.
first of all, welcome.
i think that any step you will take about filtering and blocking is really good, but it will only solve part of the problem,
this is because if you find yourself really itching to act out, you will find a way to do it.
this is what happened to me, i got a top notch filter, and then after a couple day noticed a little device for sale that can log into any internet half a mile around my area,( i was surprised by the amount of people with unfiltered net!), of course i bought it.
the other part that has to be worked on is....into our very selves...why am i acting out? from what am i escaping? what tools can i use that i haven't tried until now? this site has great stuff. and great people.
if the issue is serious enough to you, give it your fullest attention.
and connect with Hashem. it pays to have Him involved.

i'm so emarrassed to be writing this but since my last post its been a disaster. i even installed a filter, but haven't got the courage to tell my wife to change the password. i guess i had better read the guidebook from the beginning to the end. it took a lot of courage to write this even though you don't know who i am. i know i'm not supposed to let myself feel miserable, but how do i do that? (i know, second part of guidebook, right? okay, i guess i'd better do it then. after all, if i could find hours upon hours to waste on shmutz, imagine how much extra time i'd have if i just spend a couple of hours trying to fix the problem)

also, why do i find it so hard, even when not in the middle of an attack, to take the right steps to prevent it from happening. in other words, it would have been so easy for me to tell my wife to change the password on the filter, but i didn't want to lose that control. in fact when she noticed that i had installed a filter, my immediate reaction was worrying that she might ask to change the password. and then, when she didn't, i felt relieved. but don't i really want that fence there to protect me. or am i so deep in garbage that i'm beginning to enjoy the smell?

First of all Sholom Aleichem and Baruch Haba!
Really truly Baruch, because you are blessed to have been zoche to find this wonderful place and join the amazing chevra on the journey to recovery.
It took me over 35 years to finally get here!
BTW it's a good Idea to write an "introduce yourself" post, telling some details of your background nd of your struggles until now. of course you don't have to write anything which you feel might uncover your identity (you can read other peoples introducing posts and you'll get an idea).]
As for your problem, I would suggest that you tell your wife that "some guys" were discussing the importance of internet filters even for people who don't have "issues" with porn etc, because there were all kinds of stories where even chosuv people have "accidentally" come upon inappropriate material etc etc.
So the suggestion given is that the wife should be the only one who has he password [NOT IN HER EMAIL but written somewhere where only she knows, and if she needs to send an email o a company to change it she should delete the email right after she sends it, (also from the "trash files").
If you make it as if its "the thing to do" and not a thing just for your problem, it makes it much easier.
May Hashem give you siyata Dishmaya and guidance in finding the right path and way which works for you.
Keep on posting!

It's a big deal - losin' control.
People don't wanna do that.
But it comes with 'acceptance.'
acceptance that we are not in control.
Acceptance that we are somewhat addicted.
Acceptance that we need others to help us out.
Acceptance that we cannot rectify this ourselves.
Acceptance that we will remain this way for life (even in recovery).

It's tough stuff, but we gotta take them steps, for if we don't, who will?

b'hatzlachah

A belated welcome to you trysohard!!!

You have written so many practical points, it's hard to touch pun them all, so I'll use the old way out, either all or nothing!

Regarding the password, I know that I am on the email of 3 or 4 people's k9 account, I'd be happy to give that to you as well, that way you can't just reset it and look it up on her email.

What you described in your last post is what alcoholics call "hidden bottles", menaing that however far I may go in recovery there is still that voice that says "if the time comes when I really really need it....I should be able to get it"

Welcome to the club!! Don't shy away, we're all in the same boat, growing and learning together!!

KOP!! KOMT!!

rabbosai! thanks for the chizuk! the past couple of nights were dreadful, i stayed up all night and fell pretty hard. BUT, Baruch Hashem! today i finally got up the courage to have my wife change the password on my filter! it's amazing how hard that was- i was only able to do it by opening up the change password screen and filling in the old one, i then showed my wife the screen and left our apartment. But now that i put up that fence and let go of control a little bit (still not entirely as i discussed in a previous post that i have access to her email- but hey, this is a huge step, and i'd be scared to switch the password because she's always using this computer and could chap easily), i feel like i might have a chance to stay clean odaat!
p.s. i still plan on writing a post about my history when i have time. hoping to hear from you all!

Congratulations! As much as we pleaded with you, I still know it's very difficult to take that first major step.

Continued Hatzlacha!

Thank you.

Please, please, ask your wife to delete the email, and delete it permanently.

You can do this today; you will not do it tomorrow; I wouldn't.

b'hatzlachah

It will probably be easier to ask her to change the password on her email today, with the same reason you made her change the filter password, than to come back a different time. You will be worried that she will suspect something if you wait.

Listen to cordnoy. He speaks from the heart.

i'm not sure how much that will help, since she won't realize that she has to log herself out each time she's done. she's so innocent and unsuspecting, boy am i jealous of that!

Then ask her to have the replacement password go to a friend of hers. You can do it under the pretense of shmirah for her as well, so she doesn't have imediate access, either. My wife is just as naive. I know all the tricks.

Bigmoish wrote:

but she anyways has immediate access because she has the password

TSH....as we are wont to say around here: JDI! [Just do it!]

today is the day!

You can figure out how to have the pw removed from your reach forever.
you're answerin' us all up, but there is a way.....if you want.

We are lookin' forward to that next post where you tell us how you did it.

Normally, I don't spend much time on filter and password issues, for it is ultimately up to us, but you have stated that this is your issue, so Go for it!

b'hatzlachah

P.S. And it is from the heart...straight from the heart as a matter of fact.