Hi Everyone from this Holy Community,

Well, I’m finally HOME!!!

It’s been about a dozen years with ups and downs. In the latter few, I was certain that there is no way out (actually, I thought marriage will help but it wasn't long before I found out it won’t).

It isn't fair for me to bore you with my whole history of ups and downs. It isn't much different than most of yours.

Just a few pointers to get an idea of my situation:
•FFB (Frum from Birth)
•Started ma*******ing at 12ish
•P****graphy came soon after
•B”H no internet at home but had every so often at my father’s office
•Internet access on cell phone the last few years
•Married with a beautiful wife
•Two months ago found out about GYE
•Realized how I am addicted
•Hit bottom
•Ready to make this a success
•MOST OF ALL, I CAN’T DO IT WITHOUT YOU!!!

At this time I have read through the GYE Hand Book, added filters to my computer and cellphone and joined the 90 day program.

I’m looking for a sponsor, preferably someone from a similar background and situation.

Feel free to reply, your Chizuk is much appreciated.

firstyid

Welcome

Nice summary.

eventually you can maybe write in general terms what you meant by hittin' bottom.

You have made a good start; let us know how it progresses.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome to GYE!

We're looking forward to getting to know you better!

Thank you guys for this warm welcome. (Actually I shouldn't call you guys, I should call you Tzadikim.)

To answer cordnoy's question: After I became aware that what I was doing is an addictive behavior. I attempted a number of times to stop on my own, maybe a little bit harder then before.

One day when I was mas*****ing, feeling bad, mas*****ing, feeling bad... I said to myself "this is it, it must stop! These people have a method which will work. As mine hasn't, I will do whatever is required to stop completely".

cordnoy; I hope that answers your question. Feel free to give advice from your personal experience.

Thank You
firstyid

Welcome! I found that for me, one of the first steps to real recovery was to post my story. We're all here for you whenever you need us. Keep posting to let us know how things are going. Also, right now what methods are you using to work through your nisyonos? Though, you may be new here, we all appreciate new thoughts and ideas.

Hi shomer bro,

These are the methods I am currently using.

[ ] Careful where I look.
[ ] Filters on my devices.
[ ] Not to bring my phone into the bathroom.
[ ] Davening daily.
[ ] Chizuk emails.
[ ] Reading (for 2nd time) GYE handbook.
[ ] 90 days program.

These are what I have done so far. I'm sure there are certain things that the Y"H does not want me to do. With suggestions and support I'm sure I will be able to do what I think not possible.

Please keep the Chizuk coming,
firstyid

good stuff!

others should read as well.

I thought you meant really hittin rock bottom.

you don't wanna go there.

Keep up the postin'.

It is refreshin' to hear your words.

b'hatzlachah

Thank you cordnoy,

B"H my rock bottom wasn't as far as others. Yet mine is definitely an addiction and needs proper attention.

I replied to shomer bro a list of methods that I am currently using, if you have anything to add please feel free.

Keep up the Good Work
firstyid

WELCOME!

Its great to have you!

Perhaps check out: Skep's tips

Welcome firstyid!!!

It's great that you've made here, and it seems that you're optimistic.....THAT'S AWESOME!!!

GYE has been the starting point for many to their path of recovery, it's the first time that we can show our true selves and not be looked down at because of who we are. This is a place where everyone looks at the other for who they truly are, and that is always....a Human Being (there are some animals here as well, but they are few....and they act quite human anyway). A Human Being has desires and makes mistakes, and that doesn't change that he is also a good person!!

So may this be the start of much growth!!

KOMT!!! KOP!!!

P.S. We'd love to hear your story, every single story is valuable and can usually be learned from.

firstyid wrote:


I found (the hard way) that even when I am careful where I look, I can still lust and fall if I'm not careful with my thoughts. I know that's much harder to implement, but based on the returns, it's worth the investment.

Hatzlacha

MT

Thank you Machshovo Tova for pointing that out.

It is very true! Being careful where you look and what your thoughts are are both extremely important. But primary is to be careful where you look and then you could be careful of your thoughts. Verses vice versa.

(I am constantly boggled with thoughts. And in order to supplement them I must think of other things.)

firstyid

Yesterday a challenge came across me. I was working on my computer and my phone, trying to find an app that would make it easy to download Shirum from the GYE website.

When I stumbled across an app that I was trying out and there was a po****graphy picture in it. Quickly I turned away and press the home button. My reaction was upset-ness with a touch of anger. Why did this have to happen? 10 days clean, careful of where I look. It disturbed me quite a bit.

Later on in the afternoon I was talking with a friend of mine about the opportunities when it is best to Daven to Hashem for help. When my friend mentioned that when Hashem gives us a Nissyon (hardship) that is a special opportunity.

I walked out of that conversation with a smile on my lips. Now I know why (1) Hashen gave me the Nissyon and I also (2) why I get angry.

(1) Hashem give me the Nissyon so that I would have an opportunity to pray to Him for help. (2) I got angry because that was the way the Y"H was trying to preventing me from Davening.

From this I learned that whenever I see something that I should not have looked at. I would close my eyes. And instead of wondering and getting upset on why this happened, I would stop for a moment to say thank you to Hashem for this opportunity and then Daven from my heart.

firstyid

WELCOME! You are certainly in the right place. Keep posting. You are on your way. Talking to others here can definitely help. Have you opened up to anyone about your problem (other than posting here)? A rav, rebbi, parent, or good friend can be a big help.

dms1234 wrote:



dms1234, Thank you for taking of your time to suggest skeptical's tips.

There is a lot in what he says and I will reread and incorporate his suggestions into my life.

One Day at a Time with Hashem.
firstyid