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TOPIC: Reclaiming my life 7822 Views

Re: Reclaiming my life 08 Sep 2014 08:51 #239052

lavi
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tzudreiter wrote:

I feel like screaming on the top of my lungs out of frustration...

maybe you should do that scream.
anyway i feel sorry about your frustration, but the fact you opened up to someone real, i think shows a tremendous, enormous, gigantic, massive, etc.... step on your part. just for the record, when i was your age and their was something fishy going on in class, i could not work up the courage to tell my rebbe, and it wasn't even about myself really.
chazak v'nischazek. look at it, like a necessary step

i love you all

Re: Reclaiming my life 08 Sep 2014 23:07 #239107

reallygettingthere
Current streak: 72 days
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tzudreiter wrote:

Makes me think: will the "porn days" ever be behind me?

Behind you as in, "they wont be a problem as they've been in the past?"

No. Sorry.

The experts on habit formation claim that once the habit neuro whatchamacallits are created, they will always be there. Even if you succeed in beating your addiction/habit, the moment you reengage your habit your will go right back to where you were. You will not have to go through the process of recreating the habit.

I have come to the conclusion that there are things that I will never be able to do because of my addiction. I will never be able to run a marathon (I would love to) because many of the participants are female and are dressed in a way that will get my lust monsters going if I spend 4 hours (or 4 minutes) next to them. Other people might be ok in that situation but not me. It will be a disaster.

So, if you are an addict, you can deal with the reality and avoid and deal with triggers or you can make believe that your situation is really better adn deal with the consequences.

(the above is said with the utmost respect and love)

Eli

Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Last Edit: 08 Sep 2014 23:10 by reallygettingthere.

Re: Reclaiming my life 09 Sep 2014 22:19 #239210

tzudreiter OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 50 Karma: 3	I am "avalanching", rolling down hill. I need to break the cycle...

Re: Reclaiming my life 09 Sep 2014 22:33 #239215

cordnoy
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Posts: 12070
Karma: 652

by me today, keepin' busy and reachin' out in a real way has so far kept me outta trouble, and off the hill.

b'hatzlachah

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Reclaiming my life 09 Sep 2014 22:37 #239216

reallygettingthere Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 759 Karma: 27	What are you usually doing before your "point of no return" (where ever that point might be)?
	Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up! No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: Reclaiming my life 09 Sep 2014 22:53 #239219

dms1234 Current streak: 767 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1106 Karma: 49	Break the cycle by concentrating only on today! What can you do today for recovery?
	I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor.

Re: Reclaiming my life 11 Sep 2014 23:26 #239400

tzudreiter OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 50 Karma: 3	BH had a couple good days. along with a nice talk with Dov. Hope all you guys are doing well.

Re: Reclaiming my life 12 Sep 2014 11:22 #239434

tzudreiter OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 50 Karma: 3	An observation i made about my insanity: Even at those times when i mustered the strength not to check out the upcoming girl, I would instinctively look at someone else who was checking her out. Somehow participating in his pleasure... Anyone identify with this?
	Last Edit: 12 Sep 2014 11:23 by tzudreiter.

Re: Reclaiming my life 12 Sep 2014 13:32 #239436

newaction OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 571 Karma: 54	i relate with that. it means that : not-to-check-out . It does not mean looking at somebody else checking her out , or did she turned at the corner or which building she entered to or is she following me or she likes tulips . . . if you are interested in all of the above , you have not checked her out yet.

Re: Reclaiming my life 12 Sep 2014 13:42 #239437

newaction OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 571 Karma: 54	i meant to say , you are STILL checking her out. i am sorry for all the struggles you are having in this matter, i think you are much more stronger than what you think you are. I pray for your Hatzlacha . Grab your life in your hands and continue the fight . in the gym they say "no pain, no gain". in our case its the same . Just that BE"H one day the pain will feel sweet like honey. HATZLACHA !

Re: Reclaiming my life 14 Sep 2014 20:36 #239528

Pidaini
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פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י
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I can relate.

What helps me is to surrender. When I do that, to let go of my right to indulge at all in lusting. I can go on with life exactly as before the urge came without giving it any credence. I need to ask Hashem for help to do so, and then just continue, just keep on truckin' through life.

Keep on posting, it's not as good as talking or meeting face to face, but it is better than nothing, much better than nothing!!

Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.

Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Reclaiming my life 14 Sep 2014 20:55 #239534

ineedchizuk Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 300 Karma: 21	Much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much better than nothing!

Re: Reclaiming my life 14 Sep 2014 20:59 #239535

ineedchizuk Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 300 Karma: 21	(Besides for that הוספה, ditto to all of the above! :-) )

Re: Reclaiming my life 14 Sep 2014 23:25 #239542

tzudreiter OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 50 Karma: 3	I fell... I blocked the browser on my ipad and ipod( i only allowed GYE). Yet when i get the craving i find the loopholes, for example listening to erotic music on the radio and looking at the cover photos. Something i cannot block. I am getting sick of fighting, just to fall again with even more frustration. I need some real tools of recovery.
	Last Edit: 14 Sep 2014 23:29 by tzudreiter.

Re: Reclaiming my life 14 Sep 2014 23:37 #239544

dms1234
Current streak: 767 days
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YAY!!!! I agree! I don't want to fight no more either.

Check out this recent chizzuk email:

Duvid Chaim

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED...
why G-d has "wired us" as Sexaholics??

When are we finally going to realize the absolute futility of fighting lust? Isn't it time that I finally wake up and realize what a foolish endeavor this is?! After all, putting energy into fighting lust is a direct contradiction to what the 12 Step Program is teaching me in Step Number One - "We admitted we were powerless over lust and our lives have become unmanageable". How can we possible fight or conquer something that we are powerless over?!

Instead, the best and most sensible alternative is to use this revealing information to TRY A NEW WAY - Why not turn lust into a friend, not a foe?

So how do we do that?

We do that by embracing lust, by acknowledging that lust is a G-d given tool that must be for GOOD. (Don't worry, I know what you're thinking...that Duvid Chaim has gone off his rockers!) How could anyone say that lust is a good thing?!

Well, perhaps it's time to ask ourselves:
Why do I lust?
What's behind the lust?
What would G-d want me to understand thru lust?
In the 10th Step of the Program - on page 84 of the Big Book, we learn that in the "Plan of Action for the Man in Recovery", we do not watch for lust triggers, like women on the street or pop up images on our computers. No! The Plan of Action says, "We continue to watch for Selfishness, Dishonesty, Resentment and Fear..."

And by doing so, we learn to make lust into a friend - because if I'm lusting, then it's obvious that I'm using my Drug of Choice! And if I'm using my Drug of Choice, it means that I'm in pain. And if I'm in pain, then there must be some underlying issue bothering my ego like RID.

And now we can finally thank G-d for lust! Because now that I know about my underlying pain, there is something that I can do about it: I can follow the Plan of Action. Then, I DON'T NEED MY DRUG OF CHOICE. I am free. And I am in recovery!

This process is just like the man who sprains his ankle. And everytime he steps down on his foot too hard, it hurts like heck. So we ask, is the pain a bad thing or a good thing. And we conclude that pain is good! Why? Because without it, I would probably do a great deal of damage to my ankle!

So... next time you lust, don't get upset or try to run away. Embrace the lust and dig deeper to find the reason why you're in pain. And when you deal with the ego-induced pain, you become a MENTCH. You become more G-dly. And you become free and in recovery!

B'chatzlach Rabah!!

I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor.