I have been doing the 90 day chart for some time now and after hitting a high of 27 days without a fall, now I am down to two falls in two days. I need help or ideas.

Good mornin'

welcome.

What do you struggle with?

What have you tried?

Have you read all the literature on this site?

The oilam can be of better assistance with some details of what you've been goin' thru, and hey, the main thing is that you are now among friends.

b'hatzlachah

I struggle with videos of woman in bathing suits.I have tried using a money penalty for looking at inappropiate things and I have also tried a daily journal. I read the chizuk emails and I printed out two pieces from the website. One was the first day of the rest of my life and one was a shmiras anayim thing.

That's a start.

How old are you?
Are you married?
does anyone else know?
How long have you struggled?
Is your life unmanageable?

Once again, we are all in the same boat (some with bathing suits; some without).

b'hatzlachah

Personally I don't find penalties helpful. I read the White book every day, call an SA member every day, pray for sobriety every day, go to at least one meeting a week, listen to Joe and Charlie on the way to work, increasing the reading, phone calls and prayers during tough times.

The doc is da man!

* I on and off read from the white book (had chavrusah, but he flew the coop).
* Am in contact with other recover people every day
* Pray for general sobriety in most tefillos, and pray in specific situations several times a day.
* go to meetin' once a week; lately, it's been once every three weeks.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah

I'm a freshman at a yeshiva hs.my father knows and is helping me. My life is not unimaginabele but lust is becoming a time consuming( when I fall) obstacle. I have been struggling since early september.

Nice.
Work with your father then.
Real people are much better.
Discuss with him if you need to take it to the next level.

[And this is just my opinion.....if you enjoy or don't mind workin' with your Dad, and together you are takin' concrete steps, then it was a nice visit here, but don't hang around. Others might disagree though.]

Thank you for the advice. One thing what is the white book?

Welcome there abcdef543!!!

What do you mean by "fall"? How involved is your father with your day to day struggles?

What the dudes earlier was saying is that when trying to confront a problem, then the solution has to be at least as strong as the problem. So if during the problem our entire mind and body is enveloped in lust, then the solution should be at least as real as that. Just reading books and listening to shiurim and classes will usually not get us into the solution as much as we were in the problem.

But talking to people, and especially people that are going through the same thing as us and can really understand us, that gives it a totally different meaning. The honesty that we share with each other is real, just as real as the problem.

When I have urges, when I'm down, when I feel I need someone who understands, I have people to contact. It is a lifesaver.

Posting was the start for me, the first time I made any contact with such friends. So congrats on this. Chatting was next, then telephone, and finally meeting in person and the results have only gotten better.

Start your engines, KOT!!!!!!!

abcdef543 wrote:


'Sexaholics anonymous'

First, I'm so impressed that you're already dealing with this issue in a resposnsible manner. It took me so much longer before I finally came to GYE to work on this affliction. Secondly, it's great that you feel comfortable enough to share your struggles with your father. Without a doubt, he will be able to help you in the struggle. But, of course, it's also important to have a strong group of friends to be able to turn to. So that's why we're here for you whenever you need us. You may notice that many people here have their own ideas of how to work on themselves. See what makes sense to you, maybe even ask your a father what he thinks, and then try it out. Regarding lust, I've found that when it hits, I try to talk to Hashem and ask Him to protect me from the yetzer hara. I then tell the yetzer hara that I'm not interested in what he's telling me, and that I no longer subscribe to those beliefs anymore, and then I say goodbye. It may sound silly, but it's worked wonders especially regarding fantasies of the mind. Stay strong! We're all in this together.

INCREDIBLE WORK! But remember to breathe! Relax! Chill! You are doing incredible. Recovery takes time. Progress not Perfection. Right now, you are just starting out. So chill! We aren't interesting in not falling remember? We are interested in living. If it takes a few falls in recovery, its worthwhile than just unsuccessfully try not fall ( i am giving you no licence to fall however)

So keep it up! And keep on working!

On a side note: shomer bro
I assume you made a spelling mistake when you wrote affliction instead of addiction but it works just as well. This really is an affliction on us. We are ill, we hurt and in pain. We must work to get better. But like Yom Kippur when we have to "afflict our souls," Ie. fast, its really the mental aspect that gets hinders us. In other words, we want food more than we actually need it. Its more mental than physical. So to this addiction/affliction is also rooted mentally. If we see this, and work on the mental side of things, we will (slowly) begin to recover.

Well, abcdef543, it's a cliche, but a cliche for good reason: The first step is always the biggest. Admitting here that you have a problem and need help will have a ripple effect on your life, especially if you just maintain a frequent presence here. Since I started on GYE, I have fallen numerous times. I made a commitment, however, to post on my 90-day journal thread a confession, of sorts, shortly after every fall I have. At times it's been difficult, but the exercise alone has slowly but surely forced the real world into my fantasy world. I'm not recommending that you do this necessarily; after all, I did fall way more that I would have liked, so my method may be ill-advised. My point, however, is that my strategy was relatively small and manageable, and in no way overly daunting or seemingly impossible. And my main source of inspiration has been the friends I've made here on GYE!

And of course, welcome! B'hatzlacha!

Hi abcdef543, and welcome! You are lucky to have someone in your life that knows about your struggles. The white book is for sexaholics. I doubt you are in that category. You are still young, and your struggles are relatively recent (compared to some of use that are in the "decades" department ). Take action now before you become one.

How do you get access to these videos? The first step is to remove the temptations as much as possible. Do you have open access to the internet on a computer or on your phone? Get rid of it, or have it blocked or monitored if you absolutely can't get rid of it.

What does your father have to say about it?

Have you read the GYE handbook? It has progressive actions to take depending on the level of struggle.

So far, you haven't said anything to make me think you struggle more than a normal teenager.

One thing that is helpful is to get out of your own head. Journaling and following a chart are things you do alone. Call or get together with a friend. Do something positive. Isolation and boredom are food for lustful thoughts. Stay busy and stay social.

Let us know how you are doing. Many of us wish we could have those years back. Take action now.