Cordnoy -

I agree 100%. My day does need improvement. Just the night still leaves me upset because I don't have the option to stop. During the day, even after a second look, you can still overcome desires. So that's why it's hard for me. But I know we gotta work on it.

Hashem should help us to grow and strengthen ourselves and enter Shavuos B'Ahavah. For the Torah. For Hashem. For the Y'H He gave us. And for His belief in us that we can overcome it.

What I am tryin' to tell you (imho) is the night is not to be worried about or concerned with at all; it is merely a toladah or a totza'ah of the day.

as L.B. said years ago:
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of my dream
I know the night is not as it would seem

b'hatzlachah

I fell.

I've been getting too confident i guess. Stopped reading GYE. Wasn't careful enough wish Shmiras Einayim.
Back to that now. Not getting down. Getting back up and KOL!

Just want to say I am truly grateful to Hashem for showing me that I can do this. For helping me stay clean for so long. For helping me control myself. For everything He does. And for everything He will do for me in the future.
Thank you.
I love you and I know You love me too and everything you do for me is for my good.

So thank you.
Thank you for the test.
Thank you for the hard times.
Thank you for the Nisyonos.
But most of all for the rope You throw me when I fall.

dear fighting.
you are a man of my thinking.
have a look at my picture.
and remember don't EVER EVER give up

lavi wrote:


Dear Lavi,
Without discussing the issue of whether addicts should be "fighting" or "submitting", which is partially a philosophical debate and partially merely a discussion of semantic nature, I would like to refer to the attention you directed toward your picture.
There are two types of "fighting".
The fighting of Eisav, and the fighting of Yaakov.
The fighting of Yaakov is the fight of the Ruach,the spiritual fight.
The fight of eisav is the "physical" fight.
This is alluded to in the words of Yitzchak Avenu, when he said "Hakol kol Yaakov, Vehayadayim Yedei Eisav".
"Hand fighting" is the method of Eisav.
The fight of the Yaakov, is through "KOL", voice, which is called the "Ruach memalla" The SPIRIT of speech.
This alludes to the voice of Tefillah and Limud Torah .
Tefillah, by which he expresses his realization that he is powerless over his life without the intercedence of the "Higher Power", (This is also in steps 1&2 of the twelve steps). Tefillah, through which the one gets the strength to stand up against the "Sword" of Eisav. And Torah study, through which he gets his knowledge and methods of how to do battle against the challenges of Eisav.
On the other hand the "Sword", The physical fight, is the symbol of Eisav, as Yitzchock said in his bracha to Eisav, Al charbecha tichyeh", you shall live on your sword.
Another form of fighting which is particular to Eisav is "Martial arts". This is defined in the dictionary as "any of the traditional forms of Oriental self-defense or combat that utilize physical skill and coordination (without weapons), as karate, aikido, judo, or kung fu, often practiced as sport."
The Jew does not fight for the purpose of "sport".
The only time the Jew reverts to Physical fighting is when it is necessary to counteract the physical fight of Eisav, as in Milchemes mitzvah, War for the sake of upholding Torah or Jewish existence. and this to is accompanied by prayer and other non physical means, as Yaakov did when preparing to face Eisav.
The picture you are using is one of martial art.
Yes, I am aware of the fact that you did not mean to use it in that sense, but I feel that being that there is t5his intrinsic difference between the "fight" of Yaakov, the Jew and that of Eisav,maybe you might want to reconsider using that as the icon symbolizing the battle/war which you are fighting here.
I also realize that, as has been noted in other threads, [including my own], someone might point out that the battle of an addict is not one of religious nature, nevertheless I feel that there is a difference in the nature of the essence of our battle as Yidden as apposed to the "fight" of the karatist or Kungfuist.
May you be zoche to "strength" of "eizehu gibor Hakovesh es Yitzro", and claim victory after victory in your progress toward recovery.

כרע רבץ כארי
וכלביא
מי יקימנו

THANKS shivisi on your shtickle, but think the icon is ok, because i was looking for something to represent a fight. and thats what i found. if you can find me a different icon representing a spiritial fight, i will bli neder switch. i do have what to saying about the fighting aspect of ruchniyos, and it is important and it needs to be discussed another time.

lavi wrote:


Here's the way Jews fight their enemies:

you know shivisi, you got me thinking, and i think it is worthwhile to share this thought with you. you see, we find in the torah and chazal the use of symbolism, that means the use of physical objects to represent spiritial ideas or other ruchniyos things. a good example was the pictures on the flags of the yidden in the midbor, see meforshim at length. so is it so bad to bring a picture of gashmiyus fighting, to represent ruchniyos (spiritial) fighting??
and unfortunatly your picture does not look to the untrained eye like a fight.
( i love the picture anyway)
your friend lavi

lavi wrote:

if for that alone, the post was worthwhile. I by no means was out to do any more thain offer some "food for thought". Betaia'von! Bon apetitte!!

lavi wrote:


True, we do find in the Torah (what most people would call) "symbolism". but We would never find in the torah the use of a symbol which is the antithesis of the concept which we want to portray with the symbol.
Using a picture of Good fighting evil even in a gashmius sense would be ok to use as a symbol even for a spiritual fight. But using Karate, judo, kungfu etc. which generally do not symbolize a fight against evil but rather a fight for the sake of "sport" at best, and often to portray "self power" or even "kochi veotzem yodi", which is the complete and total opposite, and even antithesi, of what we try to portray by fighting using the "Kol Kol Yaakov" method, which is based on the concept that we have no strength of our own, and we are completely powerless and without control without the Hand of The "High Power" [note capitalization]to help us,which we bring upon us through Torah and Tefilla, Is by all means inappropriate.

lavi wrote:

That depends on what "training" and "UNtrained" you are referring to. There is nothing in a picture of a youth with one leg bent under him and the other stretched high and forward, and his hands in a semi folded position, which represents a "fight" rather then a "Chinese exercise" * position, except for the fact that those "trained" in the TV supplied knowledge of karate detail know that it is representative of such. On the same note, A person who is trained from his youth onward that Torah and Tefillah are the only true Fight there is against evil, would immediately recognize the picture which I proposed, as a defining symbol of that fight.
To call such a person's eye "untrained" as opposed to the karate kid's eye trained would be a "wake up call" as to the quality of "training" which our generation calls it's standards.

IS THIS PERSON FIGHTING?????



lavi wrote:

That conclusive statement, Lavi, shows me where your heart's true training really stands!

Fell again.
Gettin' back up.
Gotta KOL.

(Also thanks Lavi and Shivisi for your help )

sounds good....is there any plan though?

Why is this time going to be different? Are you stronger now? Smarter?

It's a very sad life "I'm gonna do it now!!!!" ......."I fell"....."this time!!"....."I fell"...

I know because I've been there, too much.

You're worth more than that!!

"I fell" appears to be external if the correction comes through the 12 steps there is no fall, submission to the creator is a progressive movement regardless of individual falls just reading the 12 steps daily has helped me escape. I previously would masturbate 7 times a day and vow after each to "give up" and tell myself why did I do that it gave me nothing. that was falling.

please please pleasee encourage everyone to start the 12 steps even if the addiction/ desire is mild. the 12 steps are not about sex addiction - they are the modern versin of Madrages Haadam ot Mesiliat yesharim. The only Pele is that ajew did not write them 2000 yrs ago and they are not found in every Yeshiva Otzer.

I love me. 3 weeks ago I was performing sexual acts with someone who was not my wife!!!!!!!!!! - now I have discovered my penimious!!! now I fell connected. It is not that I am far from Torah or mussar I have been in Yeshiva now for 10 years!!! I have a house full of children - but I did not know who I was !! I did not know what my personality was I was external a high flier and internally empty. Now I am taking a journey within, and the sites and beautiful. i take Hashem for the 12 steps and GYE


With deepest love


Dovid

Fell.

Gettin' Up.

Pidaini...



You're right. But I'm focusing on this day. Hour. Minute.

Gotta KOL. Hashem, help me.

What are you doing differently this minute that was different from the minute after you fell last time?

If it's the same, then the next minute will also be the same, and the next....until the next fall....

There is something wrong with the way I am living NOW that makes me fall later, so how am I changing the way I live NOW, is the question!!!

You are worth it, you are worth a better life!!!

Hi people :-).

Back again...

I know it's not all about the 'inspiration' and we need to take action - BUT... Anyone give me that inspiration to try? I'm getting the feeling it's impossible again. Also tips on keeping away from bad images - coz we all know it's so hard and I gotta do more than just have a filter. Urging myself to say no phone in the bathroom ever. Hopefully thats implemented! :-).

Anyways. yep. thank guys. Ttyl.