You know what I realised? My mind is telling me that I misss being able to spend that quality time with my wife at the end of a long hard day.
Shtusim. It is just a way for me to be tricked into looking for my old outlet after as hard of a day as i had today. I am feeling frustrated, a bit depressed, a bit out of control, a bit worthless, and a bit unproductive. (And I might have missed some bits - basically, I am in bits and pieces.)
But really, how many times has my wife been able to help me through those tough nights? Even when she was muttar how often can I wake her up two in the morning and say hey honey what a crappy day. How would you like to cheer me up.
So basically it is my mind (cordnoy, I am purposely not saying yetzer hara) just trying to trick me into despair.
Nu uh.. Not gonna fall for it.
Just going to express myself in a post and start again from scratch tomorrow.

great attitude! it's all about working on the present nisayon and not getting bogged down by the past. because "tomorrow is a brand new day."

shomer bro wrote:


TODAY is a Brand new day!!

Hey!!

Thanks for the updates!!

KUTGW!!! (reaching out (not to your wife), posting, surrendering...)

Thanks for the reminder. I guess if I would have surrendered the thing that made me crazy (nothing to do with GYE stuff) yesterday I guess I would have held up better thorough the rest of the day.
It really was one of things that cause me to realize that things aren't going to go the way I thought and I am going to have to put alot more time and effort into something than I thought I would. And all because of some jerk. SO yes, had I surrendered right away to Hashem and said "Hashem, you are in control and I will do as You want." it wouldn't have killed the rest of my day.
(and I just went back to change all the "you" to "I" as per this post)

Unanumun your doing great!!!!

thanks for keeping us posted,

its a real chizuk to see others dealing with life the way they should,

i too am very stressed out today and the past few days, but seeing other chevrah dealing with it in the right way is a great motivation,

thank again and KUTGW!!!

Good work umanamamnanan!!!!!!

Keep it up,
Dms1234556789

DMS987654321123456789

I see you are likin' my shinuy hashem....I didn't do it with a mi shebeirach though.

b'hatzlachah

Gee. Life has its ups and downs.
One day you feel like you are on the top of the world and a few days later everything falls apart.


Just saying.

(nothing to do with anything that has to do with something here but just felt like saying it to the world and it is cheaper to post here than to hire a skyliner to write it across the sky.- there i feel better already)

when the going gets tough, there is always

Yeah that's the problem

i hope things pick up for you.
a sach hatzlucha

I was inspired (Or maybe intrigued) to read through this entire thread form beginning to end, by someone I had an email exchange with last night.
Wow. My eyes watered at some parts of it. It's been some hell of a ride.
It's great to go back and remember all the steps of the way, and remember all the emotions that i was able to put into words.
It has given me a big chizzuk to read through it again.
some things still ring true, while some things feel like such a long time ago and I have moved on past them.
I see that when I reached 90 days, I said my goal would be to get past after birth tekufa. Baruch Hashem it seems we are on the home stretch now.
Of course the old nisyonos will come back , tired wife, baby crying at the most inopportune times, and stuff. I will hopefullytake them one day at a time.
Oh, and by the way, I am pulling myself back together after being emotionally out of control. thanks to all that helped me through that one.
It is amazing to have a group of guys whose entire connection to me is to help me with hard times, to give me the opportunity to express things that I wouldn't be able do to with non anonymous friends. You have all become a real part of my life, and couldn't imagine being able to get here without you. (actually I didn't get here without you )
a gutten shabbos to all.

And you are a part of ours; so keep it up!

b'hatzlachah

I am Baruch Hashem picking myself up and getting myself in control of what I have to do. (I know I don't control being able to do, Hashem does that. But I am not really in the mood to explain why what i am saying doesn't contradict this fact)
I hope to be back to where I was before I had the baby by the time Ellul comes.
Either way in terms of acting out and stuff, I am still going very strong.
A thought came to mind today (Of course during davening).
I feel that my battle front has shifted more to shmiras eynayim and away from the porn and acting out. I know that it is a quick backtrack to where I was and I don't want to get overconfident. But on the other hand I have been feeling like there is not much for me to post about at the current stage.
So after being in the street yesterday and today, I realized that I am having somewhat of a battle with shmiras eynayim for the first time in years. (I don't mean that I didn't look, I mean the opposite, there was no internal resistance to looking around - other than the busha of being seen looking) So perhaps the same way that I posted my thoughts as I was pulling away from porn and acting out, maybe I should do the same with the shmiray eynayim aspect.
But what it holding me back is that perhaps I might sound like I am fighting battles far away from what everyone else is discussing. so please let me know what you think either here or by email. uananumun@gmail.com