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A Journey Without a Name
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TOPIC: A Journey Without a Name 45039 Views

Re: A Journey Without a Name 30 Jun 2015 17:38 #258175

  • unanumun
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So After all this time, I ended falling into a rut of all the old triggers together:
depression. lack of learning, being overwhelmed, and more.
And i had a slip for the first time in a wile.
Baruch Hashem it didn't go further down the rabbit hole, but it definitely was a situation that would have ended badly in the pre gye days.
I guess I really have to install those filters on my computers.
But other than that doing well.

Re: A Journey Without a Name 30 Jun 2015 17:57 #258178

  • godhelp
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Really Glad you got up really fast
My experience is after a fall comes after shocks hold on really tight and be ready.

Re: A Journey Without a Name 02 Jul 2015 20:28 #258491

  • unanumun
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Doing Better
Baruch Hashem

Re: A Journey Without a Name 21 Oct 2015 20:17 #266591

  • unanumun
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I haven't updated my thread in a while so here goes.
My journey is still taking place. I have been clean more than a year and a half, basically from when I joined GYE.
Although I rarely show up here nowadays, I am still very much connected. I have my group of friends that I am still in touch with on a very regular basis (sometimes even hourly) and I read all the posts on GYE. It is just hard for me to find the time to post lately. (And I don't always feel that I have what to add to the conversation) But I would like to thank all those that post on the forums because by reading all the posts, it keeps me active in recovery/ sobriety.
My life has completely changed over the last year and a half. I have now been through good times and hard times in my general life. Particularly through the hard times I am able to see how far I have come. Recently I went through a few tough days. I felt a real serious need to just escape from my life. And I did so, just in more healthy ways - I played some guitar played sudoku, and read a bit of news. I didn't even have an urge to turn to porn or even movies.
In general, I don't really think about porn or masturbation much. I don't even think so much about sex at all. I can't say that I don't lust at all because lately I have really fallen in shmiras eynayim. I have been taking alot of second looks and staring more than three seconds. I definitely have to work on it. The looking seems to be just that - looking. It doesn't usually lead to more thoughts than that.
Sometimes it does and I have to think to myself about what is causing it. I have learned through my experiences here that when these thoughts come it is usually because something else is not right and I try to then focus on the real underlying issue.

Thank you all for all that you have done for me and having helped me to take control of my life. I definitely am living life on a much higher emotional level and continue to grow in many areas of avodas HAshem and my productivity. I would have never made it without GYE. (Actually, I DIDN'T make it without GYE)

Re: A Journey Without a Name 22 Oct 2015 02:01 #266621

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Thank you. Check in more often and share more of your experience, strength and hope.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: first try 17 Jan 2016 06:54 #274536

unanumun wrote:

Just a thought. but on that point, I have also noticed that although there are only a few people that are actually active on the forums, there are many more that are reading them without participating in the discussion, so we should all know that even if no one comments, we are bound to be mashpia on others and are being mechazek them and helping them with their struggles. And if not now than one day there will most probably be some new guy that looks through old forums and gets chizuk from reading about other peoples' journeys.

How true are these words! I'm relatively new to GYE and still in the midst of my 90 day journey. Iv'e been working not only on breaking free from porn but also learning proper views on sexuality and trying to gain a deeper understanding of myself and what makes me tick. Una, I must say that you have a beautiful way of expressing yourself and you bring into words many things which were just vague thoughts in my mind. Iv'e been reading your threads from beginning to end and I want to let you know that you've been a tremendous inspiration. May your inspiration to others serve a zechus for you to continue growing in your relationship with Hashem and with your wife!
Feel free to email me at BenTorah.BaalHabayis@gmail.com

1 day may be too long for me, but I take it OWAAT = One wave at a time, cause the lust comes and goes like a wave which rises and crashes.

Re: first try 17 Jan 2016 07:01 #274538

unanumun wrote:
the three second rule and no second look rule is starting to sink in.
I have found that it is very freeing.
it makes me feel that so what if i saw a woman? i don't have to freak out. just don't look a second time and don't keep staring. then i am fine.
a really great klal to go by.

I like the way you put it: "I don't have to freak out". This is exactly what I always do. Like, every time I see a pretty women I feel a lurch in my stomach. I'm working on calming myself down and remembering that it's just a woman, another human being. Reminding myself not to feel guilty for just "seeing" a pretty woman has indeed been freeing!
Feel free to email me at BenTorah.BaalHabayis@gmail.com

1 day may be too long for me, but I take it OWAAT = One wave at a time, cause the lust comes and goes like a wave which rises and crashes.

Re: A Journey Without a Name 30 Mar 2016 12:09 #282952

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I am holding on or about the two year mark since I joined GYE. It has been a very special two years. I have been clean since I joined up. I have learned about what honesty is, what escapism is, and how special friendships can be. 
Besides for successfully erasing porn and masturbation from my life (the memories still linger and show up once in a while though), I have also grown in many other areas of my life. My life as it is nowadays is very different than it was two years ago. My marriage is even stronger, my realtionship with my children is stronger and I have become much more productive and have a much stronger feeling of my life being in control.
It is hard to know exactly what is a direct result, what is an indirect result, and what is pure siyaata dishmaya. But the bottom line is that I am in a much better emotional place than i was when i first signed up to GYE. 
I still find myself looking for escapes every so often but they are much healthier than in the past. I have also managed to wean myself off alot of the unecessary internet usage. I haven't watched non productive youtube videos in a long time and have managed to cut down my news reading completely altogether. (I had narrowed it down to two websites, and recently set up a rss feed to email account for those sites so now i get all the articles as emails and read them when i get around to it. I don't have that pull to spend time on the internet reading the news anymore) 
These things have had a huge affect of narrowing down the window of temptation, and my internet usage is more or less limited to healthy productive work. 
I still have to work on my shmiras eynayim a bit. I am not sure how to get the motivation for it but I guess i will get to it eventually. 

Once again thanks to all those that have been influential in my successful journey and especially to Yankel (anyone remember him?) who was the first to reach out to me in a chat and pull me in to GYE. 
Wishing you all hatzlocho and bracha in all your struggles, 
Una

Re: A Journey Without a Name 30 Mar 2016 13:37 #282961

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Gevaldigggggggggg!!!!! :D

!!!!חזק חזק ונתחזק
 
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: A Journey Without a Name 30 Mar 2016 19:35 #282983

  • cordnoy
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 30 Mar 2016 13:37:
Gevaldigggggggggg!!!!! :D

!!!!חזק חזק ונתחזק

 

Oooooohhh! Those damn "G's" a'ain!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Journey Without a Name 03 Jul 2016 20:43 #291280

  • unanumun
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I very recently went through a bit of a tough bout with lust. there were a combination of several pesonal factors that added to the nisayon. 
Baruch hashem wih His help and the help of my good friends from gye, I seem for the time being to have gotten past the wave all intact.
One observation that I would like to share is that at some point instead of focusing on the desire to watch porn and act out, I started thinking about what would happen if I actually did so. I pictured myself during the final stages of acting out and having that release that I so craved. But then I realized that such a release would not really help me with the emotional issues that were causing me to lust. I realized that the response to my feelings was lusting for the purpose of lusting and not for the purpose of release
For example, if one is hungry then clearly when he eats, he is no longer hungry and can move on. I realized with this struggle that the struggle is the answer. The lusting is the response to my emotional state. Having a release would do nothing for the  emotions. It wouldn't give me the ability to move on and carry on with a lust free existence.  
It was a real eye opener for me. I came to the clear understanding that the way out of this is to stop  lusting and not to give in to the lusting. 
 

Re: A Journey Without a Name 03 Jul 2016 20:52 #291281

  • cordnoy
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How about if one can lust for several weeks on end without a "release"?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Journey Without a Name 03 Jul 2016 20:57 #291284

  • unanumun
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I don't get the question. kol sheken, the issue in that case is not the release but the lusting. 

Re: A Journey Without a Name 03 Jul 2016 21:08 #291285

  • dd
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Wow!!!

Look who's here!!!

Words from the wise KUTGW!!!!

Re: A Journey Without a Name 03 Jul 2016 21:16 #291287

  • unanumun
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I don't believe it. 
You are still alive? 
You still remember your login credentials?

By the way i sent you a text last week.
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