In the past few weeks I've really gotten a good shaycis with many people here and therefore I really do respect ur opinions ergo I have a question that I was thinking about posting on a different forum and decided that this place just makes much more sense
The question is; many of u know that I recently had a big fall, rock bottom I believe, and one of the things that bothered me the most was that "how can I keep this from a future spouse". And that got me taka thinking, I am still single and not even in the parsha, but how much does one tell a spouse? of course I will follow what dass Torah tells me, but I'm curios what most guys do/did. I heard that what there is no gain from her knowing and it will only cause pain then it shouldn't be said, but I feel like its impossible to have a full close relationship if ur whole life u have dark dirty secret, even if it occurs prior to knowing her,but I don't know, I've never been married. So if u guys could fill me in I would appreciate it.
Have an easy fast!

I don't know about you, but personally I cannot BEAR thinking of "whatifs" regarding marriage. It is a section of life that I have not reached yet, and is none of my business.

Like TZ said, if it's not relevant to you right now, put it out of mind.

I agree with the above.

Let go and let G-d.

i understand and u guys are right,im just curios how people go about dealing with things like this, its not completely out of my reach ill soon have to deal with this so... just getting started

Every person is different and every situation is different.

Thinking about it now will not help.

When you get there, you'll be able to take all the variables and work it out then.

and even when youre married, God willing, it is also not something you should be thinkin' about. whatever will be...will be.

All these thoughts are simply a way to get you off-focus.

your focus should be on the step ahead of you, no more, no less.

These are not just words! this is life buddy.

b'hatzlachah

mr.clean wrote:


The truth is there is a very straightforward answer, but you have to be married to know. So we could tell you now but then we would have to kill you because it's something that only marrieds can now. And if we we kill you it would never be l'maaseh anyways so there would really be no point in knowing. My opinion therefore is to let sleeping dies lie. I"yh you will get married and then we will tell you the answer, although at that point you may wish that you stayed single. Oh no! maybe I've said too much already.

mr.clean wrote:
Have you started saving for tuition yet? That would be more productive .

We only tease you cuz we love you .

Lol on the last two posts, very good, but really guys I'm afraid I'm falling into a depression, I have no cheishik for anything I just wanna be alone in bed. this really took a big toll on me and if I could have some idea of how I'm gonna deal with this in the future it would help ALOT.

IMHO you're kidding yourself, you want to be able to "control" the future, to take away all fear, all risk, all chance of pain....that's not going to happen no matter what anyone may tell you, and you know it.

How 'bout just letting go, surrender it, give it up to Hashem. Tell Him that you are giving it to Him, letting go of "your right" to be in control, giving it to Him to be in control of, and then go do the next right real thing?

I just did that last night, and, BH, He took what I gave Him and I feel like a new person.

A Freilichen Purim......natural things are also in His control!!!