Sparky,

You may not realize just how difficult it is to be 100 percent honest and open about things that have been bottled up for so long. Things that cut to my very core...yes Dov I do have a paper bag on my head (right now)...but this is difficult beyond words. Sparky I am sure your heart was in the right place...but your last post felt so much like an attack. the first time i felt that way on this site.

Not sure that this matters but matters to me...we each have our definition of cheating...is ogling porn cheating on your wife? Talking on the phone...cheating? Meeting for drinks....each person has their definition....for me has been going all the way...a line I never crossed...despite my "opportunities". I have stepped back from that brink....and started my cycle of quitting cold turkey...only to come back...sometimes away from all of it for months. I feel there is a light at the end of this tunnel....thanks in large part to this site and the amazing community....especially Dov for his pearls of wisdom and time.

I think definitions matter....re your 5 question....I am pretty sure all would answer a cheater....I think very different than pervert.

For me I decided my next move will to be to join a phone conference....I think is the next logical step....hoping to join one of Dovs groups. I just don't think I need/ am ready for an SA meeting.


Thanks for listening

Nachshon,

I am very sorry you felt hurt by my post. That was never my intention. In fact I thought about whether or not you would be offended and even edited a few times. But I was wrong.

I was only trying to get you to think. The truth is semantics are not important bit the behavior is. Dov talks about how some people seem to think it is a mitzvah to call oneself an addict. But that is not for now.

I do know how hard it is to open up. I was once a newcomer too. It took me a very long time to start posting and even longer to join a call and only out of sheer desperation did I meet a live person who is powerless over lust porn and masturbation, like myself.

I know that newcomers are sometimes very raw from the shock of sharing and also exhilarated by being able to share. I sometimes err on the side of embracing the exhilaration and ignoring the rawness. I am sorry again that I hurt you.

I decided that for the time being I will try to only share about me and not comment or advise.

Hey Sparky, I go through the same exact cycle every few months here, too.

It's a cool cycle, if I may say so myself.......from experience.

Nachson,

I hope you are doing ok.

So do I.

sparky- I think what you said is true. but I feel for nachshon cause I myself cant get myself to open up at all yet. But let us all remember we are here to give eachother and get from eachother chizzuk.
good luck nachshon!

Hashem should help all of us make the right decisions about how to proceed and also help us carry them out.
sometimes (maybe more then sometimes) the actual carrying out (such as making phone calls or going to meetings or for each person what works for them) is a lot easier then we think it will be. the hardest part is in between the 'hoping' and 'deciding' to do it, to actually doing it.

kilochalu wrote:


If I understand you correctly, you are saying that the decision or commitment is the difficult part; the actual carrying out of it is easy.
There is some merit in that....for a commitment is not so easy. Some people may think that they decided to take action or to change, but really, it is just a mirage of sorts, or part of the vicious cycle.

Nevertheless, I will say that the actual actions can be difficult as well. Not taking that second look is not an easy task. Not clicking on those links can be tough as well (and that is where filters and monitors and blockers come in).

And please, get that word "hoping" out of the equation; it will do you no good.

b'hatzlachah!

1000%
When I said 'actual carrying out' I also explained what actions I was referring to,
which seem extremely difficult to many of us before we actuallly do them but afterwards we realize how easy and rewarding they are.
I was not referring to not clicking when there is an enticing link since I am almost 'hope'less at that (w/o a filter I would not survive).
Also, what I said was hard (for many of us) was in between 'hoping' 'deciding' and carrying out.
Thank you for clarifying.

Hey, how about if instead of getting the word. "hoping" out of there, we just all hop each time we read it.

...Wherever we are at the time.

It will be fun.

Heh.

a freilichin adar two to you too

Hop! Hop!