Welcome!!

If you are a full fledged addict, I imagine you are probably not going to be able to say some magic formula and snap your fingers and POOF! become a non-addict, just like that. At least not today, anyway. So I think what you are trying to ask is, how can I get through today, without feeding my addiction, but not losing my marbles in the process? And for that, I bet you can come up with some good ideas of nice, real life kind of things to fill your day with.

You can consider:

Read a book
Go for a walk
Call a friend
Learn
Listen to music
(Insert your own ideas here)

What about tomorrow, you ask? Come back here tomorrow, and we can talk about it.

Hello englishman! wanna chat sometime

What tools have you tried?

What do you struggle with (porn, masterbation, both)?

The more you and us know the more we can deal with the issue.

Hi

We have not heard from you for a few days.

I hope that you are still positive.

Obvious question - can you get a filter? Is there a way to restrict your internet access?

A filter is not a solution, but it helps you to break free.

You are asking for tips.

Apart from the "delaying" which I already wrote to you about, I have also found that it is important not to focus too much on Lust. Do not try to fight this head on. We are not stronger than the Yetzer Horo (you have found this out already). Try to find out what your underlying problem was. For me it was anger and resentment. May be for you it is different. Then you can daven to Hashem to help you deal with this. Then the lust goes down. We have to learn to turn to Hashem, not to lust.

Everyone here is telling you to turn to someone in person. It sounds like a good idea. Don't worry, the person you turn to will not be shocked - this is a commonplace problem. What is special here is that you are young man who is actually trying to deal with it. אשריך וטוב לך

If you are unable to turn to someone in person, then we are here for you. May be look for a sponsor. In fact, even if you do find someone, we still want to help you. We are in the same boat! We have been through this ourselves.

Let us know how you are doing! We are here for you, in your ups and downs!

Thinking of you!

Hello everyone

BH everything is going well thanks for all the advice.

I know that I still need to make decisions such as deleting my facebook where
I am always looking at immodest girls and its definitely a trigger.

Also I need to open up to someone but still have not yet.

I heard an amazing idea that the yetzer hora is compared to a worm on a fishermans rod-
The aim of the worm is to trick the fish and create an illusion to entice the fish to eat the worm.
The fish is to naive to see that its a trap.
Just like for us we are enticed by these images but behind it is the yetzer hora, p*** is the illusion.
We need to be wise enough to realise that it is all an illusion and a trick by the yetzer hara.

I hope that made sense..

Good to hear! Good work, keep it up!

milletry613

Great! who are you thinking? I suggest opening up more to people here on GYE who have similar problems first but who you thinking?

Hello Milletry613, I feel your frustration, trust me I'm not so much older than you are. I havent been through the 12 step program yet, but one thing I know can help a little bit is to be happy. If you are still alive it means god is keeping you alive because he beleives in you and that should make you happy. Being b'simcha is a great tool against the yetzer hara. Even after a fall get right back up with a smile.

alei-ayin wrote:


Wow Alei-ayin! Its great that you are posting to others and giving hope and encouragement! Giving to others is almost as important to your recovery as is taking advice.
On that note, maybe its appropriate that we share here with Milletry613 what I wrote to YOU 2day in response to your own plea for help:
Here it is:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/228101-Newcomer

Keep up the good work! BOTH OF YOU ARE WINNERS!

Hello Milletry613

I am very pleased to hear that everything is going well.

Speaking out your ups and downs seems to help, whether on GYE or in person.

Have you thought about a filter? This is a very important first step. It is part of admitting that we are not in control.

Thinking of you

Hey

Since my last post I had been 60 or so days clean

Now I have been falling a lot recently

I have lots of exams so maybe its due to pressure and trying to escape

I don't know whats happened it feels like this is impossible

Now i'm back at the start- back to where i was at my first post

You are not back where you were. Dov says he needed every fall to get where he is today. The experience of failure helps us eventually acheive success. Now you know what doesn't work. You are a bit smarter, and perhaps a bit more frustrated with the situation. That will help you succeed in the long run.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Take it one day at a time, deal with today just for today. Stay clean just because that's what this moment asks of you, just because that's all you are supposed to do right now!!

Of course, gibbor is right, there is no such thing as being back to where we started, there is always some realization, however small, as to the problem, and hand in hand with that, to the solution.

Pick yourself up, brush off, and get back on the road!!! For yourself, you deserve it!!!

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely"

Ok guys:

I have dusted myself down, looked at my past mistakes.

I spoke to dms123 who helped me find my underlying issues why i have fallen:
These have been due to tiredness, stress/pressure and procrastination.

My solution for the tiredness issue is to go to sleep earlier( wow i'm a genius, how did i think of that? )
- however recently i have had exams so my sleep has been limited due to cramming in revision- ill make sure to finish everything earlier for my next ones coming up

Secondly, for my issue of procrastination- when i went 60 days i made sure to limit the time on the computer, however, recently i have been mucking about on it trying to escape from the real world by looking at sports websites which all have triggers. I am going to limit the amount of time going on these.
I am working on having a zero tolerance attitude- not taking the first sip.

Thirdly, for my issue of pressure and stress i am not going to look at the whole mountain- rather take it step by step.
Has anyone got some other tips on how to deal with stress?

Thanks for all the support

I would say that procrastination is your way of dealing with stress. Meaning, you have something you need to do, you get stressed out about it (possibly due to perfectionism). All these questions pop into your head. Should I do it this way or that way? What if x,y, or z happens (or doesn't happen)? So, the best solution is ... just put it off a bit longer. That is one good recipe for procrastination. That's how it looks in my life at least.

Many times, we are really just worried about failure. We think if we fail, we are bad. Our self esteem is tied to succeeding. Failure must be avoided. The best way not to fail, is not to do anything. Voila, procrastination.

Does this resonate with you?

Realizing that Hashem puts us in every situation, and that we just do our best, and leave the results to Him. Our job is to try, results are in His hands. if we fail, it does not mean we are worthless. Success and failure is none of our business. We just put in the hishtadlus. These thoughts can help us JDI Just Do It. It's ok to fail. Sucessful people fail all the time. Just do what needs to be done right now.

I rambled a bit, but I hope this helps.

gibbor120


What i meant about procrastination was going on the computer, but then rationalising that i could go on other websites, slowly but surely i was seeing more and more triggers.
What i am going to try and focus on ia realising that I can't rationalise that I could go on anything which might or might not have something triggering. I have an allergy and if i need to avoid the first sip- which means no rationalising that I could go on something unless I am certain as to what I am going on the website for. Zero tolerance.

Also, I understand what you are saying: by falling I have not failed rather I have stumbled on the road, next time i'm travelling I need to either avoid the road - which would be the best option- or learn how to deal with the obstacle better. As it says in skeps tips: Life is like a game of Super Mario Bros guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/219536-Welcome-New-Members!#219543