Hello Everyone,

I hope everyone had a nice and meaningful Shabbat. I am new to this site, although I created an account in July,2009 when I was 22 years old. I am now 26, and for the first time actually paying attention to the site for the first time. I have not really looked over much, just came straight to the Forum section and posting for the first time. I have really struggled in the lust addiction and specifically the Online pornography struggle like millions are on a daily basis. The addiction was never satisfied and I continued to go back with masturbation being the result. The excitement the videos and actresses would give me just became a part of my life and routine. I knew all the names, the sites, which videos where good and which weren't. I continued to view women as a piece of object and would judge them based on their sizes (breasts in specific). I lost all shame of checking out girls whether dressed properly or not. I would sit at Shabbat tables, walk the streets, go out on dates and constantly needed to just check out girls whether consciously or subconsciously. I started this struggle once I got a computer and internet access when I was in 8th grade (around 12 years old.) I never knew what I was getting myself into. I just built the urge and hunger stronger and stronger with each glance and Masturbation/Porn session. It got to the point in high school where I was viewing this stuff on a daily basis. I worked hard in Yeshiva post high school in Eretz Yisrael to completely cut it out of my life with personal goals and chart systems and openly discussing it with my older brother with incentives and challenges he would give me. I thought I could defeat it on my own and have taken that route for over 5 years. Not only would I still fall, I would feel much worse when I would. I knew once and for all only two weeks ago after a recent fall that it was time to get some real practical help and get to the root of the problem. I wanted to investigate what was causing the falls and see how I could take the steps to filly recover since I was an addict I now have realized. I can't just STOP on my own. I don't have the self-control and willpower in me to just cut this out of my life. Its a DISEASE. Even when not watching internet pornography, I find myself gazing at women on the street, and just viewing women in a very superficial and selfish way.
Anyways, this is a start, and look forward to getting to know all of you guys! With much crying and praying to Hashem, I hope this will be the beginning to success in such a Crucial part of my life.

Thanks

Welcome shefflover87!!!!!! My name is Yankel, looking forward to getting to know you as well!!!

I relate a lot to all that you wrote, and I can assure that you can become sober, just like the sober ones here!!! It's not easy, it's not quick, but it's sure.

So stick around, start your engines, and KEEP ON POSTING!!!!

BTW, one thing that you seemed to have noticed already, is that your problem is not only porn, it is lusting in general. that is great, you've got a head start already!!

It took me a little to see that, I was constantly lusting....I was lusting after my own wife!!! It's all fantasy, and the answer is REAL life, seeing life as it is, without running to our fantasy world.

As I wrote, there is no quick fix, so stick around, post away, and enjoy the journey to a new life, the life of the REAL you!!!

Welcome

I have found that the knowing of the actresses names was from the worst; I knew them all for many many years. Now, 200 days without one. I am slowly forgetting their names and looks.
Gotta try...
Gotta work...
Make a p[lan

Welcomeagain

b'hatzlachah

Welcome! You've taken an important first step. Keep reading, keep posting. There's a lot to learn here and great chizzuk too. Many have been where you are and worse and are living sober today. You can too with some work and some patience. Welcome aboard!!!