Hello Everyone!

Here is my story in a nutshell:

I am 25 years old and a non-Jew.
Although I'm not Jewish I've learned a lot from Judaism during the last few years and it has been tremendously impactful on my spirituality. I don't feel that it is right for me to convert but I desire to continue learning more about the Jewish faith.

I have struggled with mast. which eventually lead to viewing p*rn since the age of 14. I've probably tried to stop these behaviors hundreds of times on my own without long-lasting success.

The first major break through for me began when I admitted my struggle to two friends in March 2012. Even through I fell again a month later at least the struggle was no longer in the dark. I've had to share my struggle several times since then with others, each time it gave me more strength to overcome temptation. I have installed accountability software on my computer and iPhone which has helped me stay clean more than I can say. Baruch HaShem I have a friend who has refused to let me go and loves me enough to keep me accountable even when its not easy and I'm in a bad place. If it wasn't for him I don't know where I'd be.

I discovered GYE 6+ months ago and have been greatly encouraged through the daily emails and numerous articles and resources. I am now back on the 90 day journey for the 3rd time and B'H I will be able to continue on the path of recovery and healing. I am taking as many steps as possible to have real, long lasting personal change.

I recognize that I am powerless over Lust and that I need to turn to HaShem at all times. But this can be challenging to do. I recognize that I need to work through the 12 steps, but I'm not sure if I should join one of the phone groups now? Yesterday I was about to start the 4th step but I read that it should really be done with a sponsor. I want to get the most out of the program and to do it right, so I guess I need a sponsor to help me through the 12 steps. Can anyone help me with this?

Thank you for the support!

Welcome to GYE!!

It's amazing that you came here!!!

I'm only about to do 4th step myself, so can't help you much with that. But I do wish you Hatzlacha (do you know what that is?) in your journey!!!

KUTGW!!!! KOT!!!

WELCOME JTH! Have you considered joining a live 12 step group?

Thanks for the welcome Pidaini!
Haha, yes I'm learning little by little!
Thanks for the well wishes, it's encouraging to see others in the process of breaking free!
Stand strong as you continue your journey!

I've thought about joining a live group, by with my travel schedule it won't really be possible to stay consistent. Thanks for the suggestion and for the welcome!

Welcome aboard and I wish you and us success in our journey.

Why did you decide to stop?
What did your closeness to Hashem teach you?
Was your 'addiction' affecting your life at all?
Is it the 'sin' that is bothering you?
does looking at women, porn, other stuff bother you in itself, or is it what it leads to?

Feel free to answer any, all or none of the above questions.
I think it can help you and others.

thank you

and hatzlachah to all

JoinedtoHaShem wrote:
Firstly, there are groups all over. You could probably find a group even when you are traveling. Secondly, even "inconsistent" attendance may be better than no attendance at all.

Good points. Thanks Gibbor!
I joined one of GYE's phone groups this week and I'm working through the process.
I'll keep in mind that I may need more, but I'll keep moving with where I'm at for now.

During the last week I've only had/recognized a small handful of lustful thoughts. It's unusual not to have to regularly bombarded. I can't help but wonder why this is.

I've been pretty consistently each morning or during the day, admitting my powerlessness to lust, turning to HaShem and turning my struggle with lust over to Him. I also fasted during the beginning of the week and I think this may have helped in putting my flesh in check and elevating spiritual awareness.

It's a blessing to experience some "relief from the battle" I just pray that I don't become arrogant and think I have this all under control, become complacent, and slip backward. I need reminded to keep turning to HaShem for everything.

Last night I experienced a different type of "attack" didn't really appear to me to be lust but it was more of an emotion/desire. I'd say the feeling was like: boredom / desire to be entertained / to disconnect (or maybe really to connect?) / have pleasure. A few moments later I found myself on YouTube (not good) but fortunately I watched a Shiur on a resent Parasha. Going to YouTube defiantly wasn't a proper response but Abba thankfully shielded me from watching a video that would lead to lust.

In the morning while praying I realized that the night before had been Rosh Chodesh. I had previously planed/desired to spend some additional time in prayer for the upcoming month, but totally missed it.

The lesson I realized in this is that the answer to these various emotions needs to be making an effort to make a true connection to HaShem, and not disconnect from reality. In reality my soul was probably longing to connect with HaShem during His appointed time but my fleshly emotions where leading me to disconnect from everything rather than connect spiritually to G-d.

It was a good eye opener for me. B'ezrat HaShem I'll recognize this better in future situations and respond appropriately. Anyway, it helps me formulate my thoughts by sharing.

cordnoy


If you can answer these questions, I think it would help a lot of people on here who think that it's really just a religious problem.

Thanks!