perhaps your right, but either I'm not that sick and I can still fight it or i'm so freakin sick that I can't even understand what you are saying!

Though I don't know bc I'm pretty addicted, I know my triggers and I have gone almost a year without slipping.. But right now as I'm typing i'm serously contemplating a fall... I don't know man I know the lust is horrible and its killing me but i want it so bad and I don't want it so bad.. I almost think i'm beyond help. Sometimes I feel like the only way i'll stop is If I get caught, but I"m terrified of getting caught. I need to fall while staying on top but im not sure how. Hashem help me. Thanks for your words

you haven't slipped for a year, and yet, you think you are beyond help?

Can you explain that to us mortals please?

I might still be in denial, but it doesnt make sense that there is no way to cure this disease. All addictions are a form of escape. Therefore our cure is to connect, and remain connected. Why must that connection always be in jeopardy?

he thinks he is beyond help because he cannot kill the temptation

cordnoy wrote:


I have gone a year in the past and not fallen. Right now I broke that streak. I fell hard and have been struggling for a few weeks to get back up. I went a year, when I didn't own a computer myself, I only had access to one I shared with my wife. Once I got my own computer it was only a matter of weeks till I fell...

I can go a year if you lock me in a prison. Big Woop! Give me an iphone and turn around and i'll fall so fast its unbelievable.

you went a year and you weren't locked in prison, and me friend, I don't want a year from you; God doesn't want a year from you; He wants you right now...just this moment! He is talking to you; so you talk to Him. Tell Him that you just wanna get thru this moment.

Why can't you tell your wife (without going into details) that unfiltered internet on your very own device is a big challenge for you?

It's a very oft-talked about topic and well known issue these days.

Hatzlacha!

skeptical wrote:


I did thats the problem, I have filtered internet and accountability. However I got my wife to tell me the password (by accident) and she never checks her webchaver email, and when I use P, I just sign into her account on friday when the report comes and delete it. So I can really tell her "OH btw I"ve have been going behind your back and using po** can you please buckle down, so I'll be scared to use it"

After my last fall I even had her change the password but for some reason it didn't work..

Though today I'm going to put a better block on my computer, I have webchaver but its not great I"ll look around for another one today.

plonialmoni11 wrote:

Isn't the addictive head a-m-a-z-i-n-g?

I can tell you that my untechnical unsophisticated head was able to work its way around most filters and phone blocks.

plonialmoni11 wrote:


Why? So, that you should be able to beat that one too!

Sorry, for being so cynical. I just happen to have been there too, and guess what ... unless YOU change - IT AIN"T GONNA WORK.

chesky wrote:


Ok, ok, sheesh you guys are relentless I know I need to change, but the sad thing is I can't even imagine that I will be able to change to a point where I can have unfiltered acess to p and not fall. When students used to tell me they have a smart phone (I used to be a rebbie) and it wasn't filtered I assumed that each one was addicted to porn. I could'nt imagine that someone could have a phone and not use it for lust. In fact when one student pointed out that the mashgiach and a couple rebbiem have smart phones and they don't have blocks, I immediately started suspecting that they have a porn problem as well. I cannot imagine a yid with access not falling.

I'll stick around here a little maybe i'll change too?

plonialmoni11 wrote:

I don't get it. Whats the difference whether you have filtered or unfiltered internet? Either way you don't want to be watching porn.

I can totally relate, not only relate, but I still don't believe that I will be able to live forever without lusting.

Good news is that that isn't relevant in the least, I need to stay clean today, what happens tomorrow is of no concern to me right now!!

Can you imagine goiing one day with unfiltered internet and not look? if not a day, an hour?

I've had blockers on my own computer since I started trying to work on this. without that, I wouldn't have got anywhere.

More recently I started using my wife's ipad a lot and it doesn't have a filter on it. for the most part i didn't look at anything. I was working the steps, and working on controlling my urges and not even need to look. I thought that was good.

But, I started slipping. Just a little at first, then more. First at pictures, then movies. I was still mostly using it well, but when I was tempted, I did look. So I decided to put a blocker on that too. I didn't even feel like i was losing out this time, like i did every other time i put a blocker on something, but i feel better for it. I don't need to even be tempted. what am i trying to prove?

I approached it as telling my wife that the gedolim say to not have unfiltered internet. They're not talking just to addicts, but everyone. Better to put a filter on before it's a problem. So she agreed and she put one on, and still doesn't know it's a struggle for me, she just thinks I'm listening to gedolim. good.

You can mention to your wife in a similar way that you know the password, so it's become useless as a a filter and can she change the password because you want to do the right thing and listen to the warnings of the gedolim before it's a problem.

chesky wrote:


yeah but just because I don't want to, doesn't mean I wont...

Pidaini wrote:


Just reading your question leaves me with a surge of "if only I had unfiltered internet for a day!", I'm pretty sick. but I understand your point, if I can just live in the moment and hold myself back right now, i'd be okay...

I got some work to do