Wait a second.

This forum is not solely for people working the 12-steps. It is a community of people doing and sharing what works for them.

People can pick and choose what to try and then evaluate if it's working, and try something else if not.

Everyone on here has the ability to read and see clearly that some people have extraordinary circumstances, so their advice is not necessarily for them.

There's really no need to get so excited.

Dr. Watson, thank you for that clear explanation.

Funny, I also feel like I am getting shot at.

I don't know why you would think that the method I am using does not work. I use it everyday, and I am very happy with it. I wonder if you are saying that you will never fall. Isn't this forum full of people who fall and then they get back on their feet? Didn't you tell me that you plan to use your method many times? I wonder if you are jumping to conclusions.

Anyhow, I get your point, thank you for this brilliant metaphor. How about if I just don't post on other people's topics unless invited, and just keep to my own threads?

As I recall I have some posts with thankyous from other users.

Btw you can also surrender your resentment. I used it a couple of times when I had panic attacks.

Dudes. I didn't read this thread, only the first post.
What?

I mean like, Dude?

What's going on here?

Tzaddik, Rasha? What the gehennom you guys talking about?

Anyone available to give me hebrew [or maybe Tanya] lessons?

Don't remind me. I am still getting over it.

I want to take the opportunity to publicly apologise to Ploni for things I said that were hurtful. It was a long debate and clearly we don't see eye to eye about some things, but there was no reason for me to say anything that could hurt or offend you and for that I am sorry.

I've always said I think you're a good guy and I still think that. Your perseverance in tackling this problem is inspiring and the patience and kindness you show to your family is extraordinary. I do believe you are a tzaddik and I am sorry for offending you.

No apology necessary, see my response on the other thread.

I think we should change the title of this thread to 'Confused Tzaddik'

I am opposed to that because it legitimizes the erroneous idea that a tzadik is someone who holds that nice Jews are frum. This type of person will be motivated to be frum, but if he sins he will not have access to true tshuva because the alternative is too horrible to contemplate. That's why when you desire porn sometimes you feel like you are dying, right before you take the plunge.

In truth a tzadik is a Jew who is free of sin. But he is not born free of sin, he gets there after decades of work. That means for most of his life he is not a tzadik, he is a rasha. And it's derech eretz to treat others and yourself with regard during that entire time that they are reshaim.

The reason we have the fairy tale definition of a tzadik today is because today people honestly believe that the nations of the world are better off. The odds against a frum life are overwhelming, so when someone thinks nice people are frum we give them a free pass. He is a tzadik right out of the gate.

I have learned on my own skin that lies and inaccuracies are bad for my sexual sobriety. Let's be reshaim and remind ourselves that the Torah is for our benefit, it is "the whole of man," and let's pursue it vigorously because we want the best for ourselves.

This is been a very moving thread. Ploni, I admire you greatly. I have learned that life is about making choices and living with them the best we can. We're free to make our choices but only Hashem knows what the end result will be.

I've made choices in life not in keeping with Torah. I may have thought they were right at the time but only much later did I lean that the consequences weren't so great. But I live with my choices and now I'm inching my way back to a Torah filled life one mitzvah at a time. And that my take me the rest of my life. So be it. Hashem diyan haemeth.


Much hutzlucha to you. Be well

The definition of a tzaddik is one who has more mitzvos than aveiros.

Since we have no idea how mitzvos and aveiros are calculated (as one of my rabbeim used to say "I'm not a celestial accountant") we do not know if we are tzaddikim or reshaim.

The Gemara tells us that we should view ourselves as beinonim.

gibbor120 wrote:

I completely agree with what gibbor120 has said here.

In fact, I have found that one of my biggest hang-ups is trying to "keep score" or "officiate" my different actions, good or not so good. And I have to remind myself that in this "game" (my life), I am a player, and the only One who is qualified to officiate is the RbS"O. And l'havdil, just like a player in a sport will likely get in trouble and not play his best if he worries or complains about the referee's calls, so too I will get in trouble and not be the best *me* that I can be (as per the rulebook of life, i.e. Hashem's Torah), if I don't concentrate fully on right now, what I should or should not be doing.

A great Shabbos to everyone.

I was taught that a tzadik is someone who is clean of sin, as in step 3 in the Mesillas Yesharim. He doesn't have to be a genius, he "just" has to do everything according to the Shulchan Aruch. It was a Rabbi who taught for twenty years in a yeshiva, and he was considered one of the stars there, so I took it as a reliable source. It makes sense too.

It's all semantics really. You can call yourself a plankjopiter if you want.As long as it makes you feel good and motivates you to become a better person.

I don't motivate myself by what I call myself any more.