I know you can buy the Blue Book at most book stores line B and N. Pay in cash no one except the cashier will know.

You can download it from 66.199.228.237/boundary/Sexual_Addiction/whitebook.pdf

Cordnoy....I meant no disrespect to anyone...I am merely voicing my concerns and insecurities of going to an SA meeting...of course everyone is deserving of treatment without being judged....It just creeps me out thinking that I have sunk to that level and am on par with that behavior...again my opinion and as I stated above I wish everyone success in getting better.

Dov...I am sure what you wrote is accurate about who attends these meetings....perhaps this is my defense mechanism for not going...I am not that bad that I need to go with all of these degenerates (sarcastic tone)...

Am I a degenerate (I know most wont like that word...but that's what I feel) that I need to attend...perhaps the answer is yes and I just have to take that leap? Sparky thanks for the link...I will download and start reading....

As for me...I haven't posted in a while...Yeshiva week vacation in California...I wish I could report was smooth sailing...but it wasn't....use MB as a release from stress....sometimes vacation can be more stressful than the office...kids plus office calling plus around wife 24/7. I did stay away form speaking with friend despite multilke attempts by her...I think she understands that something has changed in me.

I struggle with what are my next steps....as I mentioned above will download the book Sparky posted....and reluctantly will start researching SA meeting locations....Do I really need to go? Can I kick this without that step?

I do need to call my sponsor again...it was just so overwhelming the last time I did....he basically confirmed (not that I didn't know before)....but is hard hearing form another that I am a cheater....

I had a sense of shock for about 2 weeks and then it just slowly wears off....this is the alarm bell for me that I need to take another step forward.

I continue to welcome and appreciate your feedback.

Hey Nach!

Was just reading through your thread...great to hear things are changing for you to the good.

I tried so many times over the years to stop acting out - once I managed a year - but it always came back, exactly where it left off from. I stopped phone sex for about NINE YEARS (while in Eretz) and went straight back into it when I was back home. These are the facts.
I joined SA meetings one month ago. I felt about it like you did and had 100 reasons not to go, but out of sheer desperation and a push by some guys in GYE I have been going to meetings. And I have no regrets, a mix of jews and non-jews and you know these people relate to you, not judgemental, really care for you to be sober, and, most of all you come cross 'living proof' of guys who have been sober for years through SA meetings and the 12 step program. Of course meetings are not the 'b all and end all' but they are a damn good start.

Good luck

That's amazing that you have had the courage to just do it! I will...extremely impressive...

I know what I have tried for so many years hasn't worked....had some good streaks...but the monster was always lurking...always just a matter of time

I did start reading the SA book...very good stuff...feel like he's talking to me!

I also realize I am heading head long into having no choice but joining an SA meeting....I keep trying to think of reasons why I don't need to....and how it must be super awkward....but Dovs brutal post (I mean that in a nice way)...really takes away any excuses....


How do I start researching? A place close or far from my home? practices? What if I recognize someone....can I take a drive by first? Mind races...but I get the sick feeling all roads lead here....

sunk that low?

to actually reach a level where you are not just talking about sobriety, but doing something to become sober!

there are other actions as well, but this is one of them.

b'hatzlachah

Wear a large paper bag on your head, disguise your voice so no one will recognize you, of course.

In other words, just keep posting here!

And if you want meetings near you, just call the SA number in your area. U can check the SA website for meetings. Also, you can just call me and I will give you the contact numbers for two guys in your area who will be glad to talk with you even if you'd recognize them - as long as you are serious about coming to meetings.

You've got options, man.

Life is good.

go to sa.org

or Google your zip and sa meetings.



I am not a tzadik (very far from it) but if you think you are powerless over this woman then you really only have two options 1)keep seeing her till your wife finds out and all hell breaks loose or 2)follow the path the perverts have found works for them.

I do not mean to be harsh.

I just find it ironic that me and so many others would rather risk public shame of being exposed (again) over the risk of another guy with their own secrets finding out about ours.

...you call that harsh?

Now, suffering through the old, familiar desperate cat-and-mouse schmutz chase, or masturbating again - that's 'harsh'.

Thanks Dov. We can always count on you to speak the truth.

Someone once told me that the real hesitant so many of us have in going to SA meetings is that then we have to face the truth that we are screwed up beyond self repair

Sparky wrote:


I love it!!

I'm also beyond self-repair!

And I don't fool myself any longer by paying lip-service to that by prattling off some party line like, "Of course I can't do it myself, for Chaza"l teach us ilmolei ozro eino yachol lo, right?"

U r so on the money!

Thanks Dov but it was not my idea (although I now see it as true).

Re: Nachshon There are SA meetings on the phone that you can try to see that the guys who are perverts who live normal and successful lives.
saphonemeeting.org/blog/

you can ask Dov but I wonder if this will do the trick for you.

Thanks Sparky and Dov for the blunt truth.

I am not sure why I cringe every time you write Pervert....do I consider myself a pervert? To me that is a degenerate that lurks around middle schools MB in his car? Is that just my defense mechanism saying...I'm not really that bad...like that guy who really needs help?

I know in my gut (or at least 75% sure) I need to take real action....part of me wants to say...is it that bad? So I MB to blow off some steam every so often? Stopped seeing friend....only spoke 1 in the last month and not even about sex. Stopped meeting/posting on very different websites....on the path up?

Is this my attempt to stave off having to go to an SA meeting. Did Google and found listings....grrrrr....feel like I am slowly sinking (elevating) to that place of real action.

At times rather immerse myself in anything but thinking about this....

Sparky Dov you guys are on the money....wish I could muster the courage/Cahunas/Zagalech to finally take action.

Nachshon

i am glad i was able to help a bit. i think that if you were to go you would be pleasantly surprised. it will not be creepy and weird but very good experience.

I also respect you that you keep coming back and that you are so honest with us.

re: pervert. You said in another post that you are having an affair and cheating on your wife it would seem that you are also masturbating and maybe looking at porn. forget about what Dov and myself call that

what would you call someone who cheats on their wife?

what would your friends call someone who cheats on their wife?

what would your family call someone who cheats on their wife?

what would your wife call someone who cheats on their wife?

If I may add my two cent to Sparky's post...

Who cares if you are or aren't a pervert? Do you want to stop what you are doing? If yes, how's that going for you? Is it working? If not, then GET HELP!!

Why all the name-calling, labeling-giving, talk?