shalom
i will try to explain my story; english is not my language, so excuse me for the bad quality of it... I live in Luxembourg.
i m 34 years old, married with two children
i m a traditionnalist jew, shomer shabbat, not born in a religious family, who triyed to make techouva.
I m a general practionner (doctor).
I m addict since the age of 14.
Mastrubation, pornography , which were not a problem for me in my first education, i grew up with goyims in the school, all was normal for us.
It s when i married i understood i had a problem.
I worked in hospital, and after each night, i needed to have masturbation with pornography support; and more and more strong; of course i was not ok with my wife, even though she was very nice and beautiful, she was not as i wanted in love.
I went to strip tease, and escort... I felt... I said all of that to my wife, she understood i had a problem, but not the importance of it.
I tried to stop, but with no success. The addiction is more and more strong, by crisis.
I found this site web in june; i tried not to see, and guard my eyes; durin vacations, 21 days of property; a big success, but a big fail when i came back; i try to become more religious, to pray, to go to school more, to learn, to read, but i fall and fall and fall.... In my work, tentation to see are always present, it s difficult; but i saw that it was when i m anxious and depressive that i fall. I try to make tapshic, it s sometime ok; this afternoon really i don t know why i fall; really; but i fall; i know there is to much Me in me, and not enough God. In my language (french) and my town, there is no group of 12 stapes , i want help, this is why i go to this forum, even though i don t understand all, but i think it s a first help.
Thanks to all

Welcome!!

We're all here together, join the club!!

by the way, isn't there a french GYE site?
jsut saying, you're more than welcome to stay here.

shalom and welcome
needing help is a language we all speak
we all need it, and it can be gotten here
we wish you much hatzlachah
stick around

Welcome to gye,

stick around

find what works for you

and may you have much hatzlacha

WELCOME pinhaswarrior! Nice to have you with us.

Welcome!
I certainly relate to what you're going through at work.
I also work around many attractive young women.
It is possible to guard our eyes at work, looking at them only when I need to speak with them. I don't need to look at them when they're walking by. I don't need to look up to see who just walked in.

For the porn and masturbation, take one day off and see how good it feels. Try not to allow thoughts about women settle in your mind.

Have you see the French language GYE site?
guardyoureyes.com/french/

am I allowed to see the French one; perhaps it is too triggering?

cordnoy wrote:
Just tried getting on there , u need a french username... ur english site account wont work
And also, if im understanding the pop-up through my little translator on my phone, the forum isnt up yet on the french site. So Pinhaswarrior, stick around!!!

PS try typing your post in french and then use google translate to post it in english, it has helped a few members in the past

It's nice to you for these response.
You know, i have two problems in my techouva: 1. I dont't know how to make when I have a real crisis when i'm anxious, i mean my work is very hard on an emotional plan, and also my wife who is wonderful is a little depressive (she's alone in the life, no brother and sister, no father, a mother who is sick and a little mad, and not much friends...), of course she needs me and i'm here for her (she was so comprehensive for me), but after i heard her, be strong for her, when she sleeps, I feel like a need of something, something which makes me happy, and in these moments, I can't dress the barriers, I just need my addiction to feel better; it's true that in these moments, I don't cry to G.od, but in other moments, and after, I cry, I cry, but it's not the feeling I have in these moments; I 'm disappointed because I think perhaps I'm not sincere.
2. I try to have filters, I try not to see TV, I try not to see women in the street, it's a very important point and I saw how much it was efficient; but what about all my images in my brain, I mean sometimes these images of pornography come back, I would want to make reset!!! But I can t, I try to think to other things, but it's not easy, I'm afraid that all these "pixel" in my brain will not go out of me!

You realize you have a problem and youve come out of isolation and started writing on the forum. That is a huge first step. I did that a week ago, and now I feel like I have recovered (I probably havent) and that I wont fall ever again (I hope I wont).
The handbooks, the daily chizuk emails and the 90-days chart are what have worked for me so far. Plus writing here. Also whenever I am bored and the lusts overtake me I go here and read these posts and stories of recovery.
People much worse off than you have made it. You can too!

pinhaswarrior wrote:


your efforts should be met with success, but "trying" will not get you there. You need to come up with a plan. How will you stop looking at women in streets? What will you do about computer? And most of all, do you truly have a commitment to stop? it does sound like you are justifying it with your situation. That is what we all do...in one way or the other. After you decide to stop, some of the answers to the above questions will become clearer.

Stick around, and KOT!

thatguyoverthere wrote:


Many people here have said that thinking you wont fall ever again is not productive. Think about the moment and the decision before you.

Additionally, "hoping" that you won't will not help you. "Planning" that you won't will.

Keep up the great work and KOT!

b'hatzlachah

pinhaswarrior wrote:


This was my primary challenge when I first started getting sober.
I found that guarding my eyes was helpful to cool down these thoughts.
But what really works for me is tefilla whenever the thoughts or images come.
AS SOON as I detect a lewd thought or image trying to take hold of my brain, I start davening, verbally surrendering the image or thought, along with my lust, to Hashem, begging Him to take it from me for now, for today, so I can live. Over and over, stubbornly not letting this take over my mind again.

All what you say is true.
Yesterday I felt, but I kow why: to convince me to install NOW the filters and not to wait again and tôsee if I m strong. I m not strong against Yetser Ara, I can only have help of Hashem.
Today I made the installation of the filters on my Mcbook at home, and the PC at work, with my wife.
Now I feel with 1000000 kgs lost on my shoulders...
I hope my sobrity really start now.
Just before Roch Hashana

mazel tov.

KUTGW