At least now I know why he's called a fresh 'boarder.'

Good question, "What am I going to do now?" Seriously, I'm a little scared. I don't want to fall again. It frightens me; I don't like the person I become when I fall. I end up pushing people away out of guilt, then I feel so lonely. I end up trying to push Hashem out of my mind, and mitzvot become harder to do. That guy is not me. The real me doesn't do that stuff. But I did do that stuff. What do I do now?

I've read some stuff about the so called "industries" that create the things that fuel lust. They are all based on lies, and often the people involved in making the product are abused themselves. It hurts so bad that I may have been watching something on the internet that hurt somebody. Thank Hashem I never was tempted to do anything illegal, yet it is all so immoral and I don't want any part of it any more. However, that hook has been ripped out of me and now I have a giant gash in my heart. I used to feel so dirty. And I want to feel clean if not for me, then for G-d.

I would very much like to go to an SA meeting but I've checked all the meetings for my area and they are on Shabbat. Also, there aren't a lot of observant Jews in my area so I'd feel uncomfortable representing Jewish people in that setting; I'd probably be the only Jew there. I'll try a telephone SA meeting, and I'll have to go for a long walk with my cell phone where nobody can hear me, but I'll do it.

Any recommendations?

Holy Brother,

I had a major opportunity to fall today. It was just shouting to be taken advantage of. And guess what popped into my head as I was going back and forth, and sliding closer and closer to the yetzer ha'ra's trap ? You guessed it, the inspiring story that you posted here yesterday. That made all the difference.

At that point, I imagined the yetzer ha'ra as a balloon whose air was slowly leaking out...

Thanks!

You don't know how much you have just touched my soul. Thanks, you too have made a difference. Congrats on not falling!

yep
the world blows up sex like a balloon
they make it seem like it is so much bigger than it really is
they display it as if.....oops, what? it actually is like that?
oh, perhaps sex is in truth that big of a deal
na...don't believe it
with a prick of a GYE needle, that whole balloon goes gye gye, hopefully never to be seen again.

ThisJewNeedsHelp wrote:

What is wrong with going to an SA meeting on Shabbos? I never took Shabbos into consideration when I acted out.
I can also assure you that you are not the first observant Jew in SA, and no one in SA evaluates you by who you are or your background. The third tradition reads: The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking/lusting.
May G-d be with you

Pidaini wrote:

you know piadaini, i thought u knew things since u grew up out of town, but you obviously DONT know that sfardim arent the only ones who wear talleisim before they get married...

ThisJewNeedsHelp wrote:


Have you read through the GYE Handbook? It gives you tools to be able to figure out where you are holding in your struggles (addiction?). As gibor120 wrote "I wouldn't tell someone who peeks at porn once a year to go to SA meetings, and I wouldn't tell someone who is seeing prostitutes every day to go learn some mussar"

Check out what works for you, Hatzlacha Rabbah