Hi,

This is my first post in this forum.

I've been suffering from this addiction in silence for years and years now. Today I realized that nothing I do is silent; Hashem heard my pleas for help all along. This morning I almost fell big time. I was online uncontrollably for the past few days searching out disgusting stuff for some sort of fulfillment. I found a woman who was interested in meeting me and I was going to follow through with it. We had a time and place picked out and everything. I can't believe I have gotten so low. As I was about to respond to her I looked to my table and the sunlight was shining through the window onto my teffilin and talis. My eyes welled up in tears immediately; I wept. G-d, blessed is He, was listening to my plea all along because though I was sinning frequently and falling further and further into the pit, something inside me always asked Him for help.

So after I dried my eyes, I went to do a mikveh, and strapped on my tefilin, with more tears and a thought popped into my mind. "I love my wife!" I thought. I am not married yet; nor do I have a shiduch. However, I love my wife, though I do not know who she is yet. It reminds me of a story my father told me once about a time a woman tried to seduce him behind my mother's back. My dad replied to the woman, "I love my wife!"

I love my wife! (future wife, whoever she is), I love Hashem, and I love my family, and my fellow Jews!

I look forward to recovering with everybody here.

Oh yea, I broke all contact with the woman and I am now downloading a filter.

Welcome to GYE!

Welcome aboard!!!

You are not alone, we're all together. (unfortunantly) you're story is very similar. You for sure did the right thing coming here.

just curious, ThisJewNeedsHelp wrote:


are you sfardy?

welcome brother. thank you for your post. it really touched me. hatzlocha rabba and keep on sharing

welcome
you are in the right place
the chevra here struggle together with you and share your joy as well

by the way, I have a loving wife
I am married
with children

and six weeks ago, I got the "other woman" outta my life

I didn't say goodbye

her last email is still in the box; I didn't reply to her

I don't know what your issues are, but with God's help, and only He can do the ultimate fight, for we are not capable of waging war ourselves...Hashem ish milchamah, Hashem shemo...

He can do it; just let him...pray to Him

b'hatzlachah

Welcome!

We are all with you here.

The story you told shows that you have a lot of strength hidden inside you. Stay with us, and we will all grow together.

Hatzlacha rabba, and KOP (keep on posting)!

WELCOME TJNH! It's great to have you with us. It sounds like you hit bottom. GREAT! The only way to go is up. Read the handbook, post... We are all in the same boat and understand what you are going through. Keep opening up. It's your ticket outta this mess.

Love,

gibbor

WOW,

impressive.


You have true inner strength and I'm sure you'll be matzliach here.

great story you got there!
welcome to the greatest place on earth

ZemirosShabbos wrote:

Is this where Snapple gets their ingredients

and isn't it "the greatest place in cyberspace"???

welcome again

are you protected that these encounters will not happen again?

what are you doing to prevent them?

bhatzlachah

Hi Pidaini,

Thanks, it's good to know there are other Jews with this problem.

No, I'm Ashkenaz.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the encouragement. Baruch Hashem! Today is my first sober day and I feel really good. I've been really busy today, trying to stay away from the internet. As a result, I am seeing that there is a whole world out there besides this addiction. Such a beautiful world!

I may be one of the most physically active Jews the area where I live so this morning I went for a long run at 5:30 a.m. before the sunrise. Then when time for shema came I was so ready to say it with all my might! Then by Hashem's gift the surf was up! And not only that, the waves were even good at the part of the beach were I wouldn't see any indecent things. As I was talking with some of the non Jewish surfers out in the lineup, I noticed a change in myself, that I have some self confidence now. Thank G-d.

The truth is, I'd rather surf Hashem's waves, that took years to make just for me to surf, than be trapped in this addiction. I'd rather use the legs He gave me to run a million marathons than give into lust. I'd rather use my eyes to learn Torah than see anything that will challenge me, but I know it will happen and when it does I have faith the G-d will help me through it. I know Hashem does not glory in the the swiftness of man's legs so I hope my heart and mind are in the right place.

Also, today I had the opportunity to cheer up my best friend and that is better than surfing the best wave in the world! And this day, may it be His will, is going to get better because I have a Torah class tonight!

I hope this momentum keeps up. One day, one second at a time.

Thank you guys for all of the encouragement. I hope to learn from all of you.

ThisJewNeedsHelp wrote:

Welcome and thank you for sharing what happened to you
I also hope for you that the momentum keeps up. But unfortunately the addiction is exactly like surfing; eventually you lose the momentum or the strength, and then ......
Like others here have said to you, what are you doing to help you then?
May G-d be with you