ToAdd wrote:


Welcome to the life of an addict! of course it's scary, you're going to do something that will take away lust how can you do that?! are you going to survive without it? of course it's scary, every serious move we take away from lust and towards real life is scary, extremely scary.

Take it on, face your fears, there's a happy life waiting for you on the other side!!

KOT brother!!! We're all in this together!!

So, today is 12 days of clean.
Well, not 100%. On two occasions I have slipped, looking at a video with intention to lust. Not porn, something that society thinks is 100% normal, but definitely not good.
Although this did not lead to anything at the time, a spark may have been ignited which needs to be extinguished.

There appears to be a parallel to this in science:
A backdraft can occur when a fire's product-gases are depleted of oxygen; consequently combustion slows (due to the lack of oxygen) but the combustible fuel gases (primarily carbon monoxide) and smoke (primarily hydrocarbon free radicals and particulate matter) remain at a temperature hotter than the ignition-point of the fuel gases. If oxygen is re-introduced to the fire, e.g. by opening a door (or window) to a closed room, combustion will restart, often explosively, as the gases are heated by the combustion and expand rapidly because of the rapidly increasing temperature.

Even though the lusting has stopped, there's a glowing ember that only needs a little oxygen to re-ignite.

Pidaini wrote:

Or perhaps just "Welcome to life".
I see this in so many people. My drug of choice is lust, but the person next to me, it's his iPhone, the next person facebook. Power, Control, Ego are all gods in this world.
Perhaps there's some piece of our self that we see in the outside world, and we are unable to separate that from our very self.
That one thing is like the fruit of the tree of knowledge, and it will kill us.
I'm sure those with more wisdom than me (not that I have much to speak of) can elaborate on this. B'chol l'vavcha uvchol nafshecha uvchol m'odecha.
It's obvious where we are meant to focus: VE'AHAVTA

Yup, welcome to "not" life. we're trying to run away from life, just like the guy with the iphone, facebook, etc.

Good news is that you're here "toAdd" and you certainly are doing that.

KUTGW!!! KOT!!

Even though the lusting has stopped, there's a glowing ember that only needs a little oxygen to re-ignite.
if we're using metaphors, why not take it all the way...
there's only one way to extinguish the YH
see Succah (52b)
(forgive me, I would elaborate but its erev shabbos...)

Please elaborate.

bechal levavecha wrote:

Please explain.
What I'm seeing is that only H" can help us, and that it only gets worse on its own.

I hope you all had a good Yom Tov and may H" shelter you from the evil that lurks in the night.

I've started sliding down the slope again.
I found myself googleing something I shouldn't.
This started with me arousing myself over the Holy days - Some triggering at shul.

The main cause is that I let it happen, I feed it snacks so that it keeps on coming back.
I don't think I'm ready to let go. Will I ever be?

Hello ToAdd,

I have also been away from this forum for a long time, but still involved in recovery in other ways.

I have also had some major slips recently. After talking it out with a few other people, I realize that, after being clean for so long (over a year) I start to get the feeling that I've got tools from recovery to cope with life, so even if I act out I can still keep on using these tools and I'll be okay.

But it's not true. The tools only work if I'm sober first.

Another thing I realized is that, if I am truly an addict (which I believe I am), this is a progressive illness. The same level of recovery work I was doing a year ago doesn't keep me afloat today. It might not even be a question of spending more time in recovery, but it could be that the quality of my recovery needs to improve--to be more of service to other people, to focus less on the problem and live more in the solution of positive recovery. To focus excessively (and exclusively) on my own needs for recovery, I believe, can also make me sick.

Good luck to you.

--Elyah

On two occasions I have slipped, looking at a video with intention to lust. Not porn, something that society thinks is 100% normal, but definitely not good.
Although this did not lead to anything at the time, a spark may have been ignited which needs to be extinguished.

as a disclaimer, my comments refer to this specific situation, where we find ourselves slipping a bit and then catch ourselves from acting out, but a residual feeling of lust is lurking in the lurch...
is there anything we should (or can) do about such a (low-level) feeling of lust?

I would compare it to someone who starts getting a sniffle, and his resistance level to getting sick gets low - maybe we didnt do anything "wrong", but the forbidden desire starts to awaken and breeds its brew of toxic poison
ideally, the idea is to nip it in the bud
but at least we need to be aware of the desire festering inside of us, and take steps before it reaches toxicity levels...

we could try to distract our minds and do exercise, work etc.
but the point I was making was that the Gemara tells us that a chunk of learning Torah has the capability of extinguishing that spark of lust
perhaps it works on some spiritual level, but it works...

as addicts, learning Torah doesnt really help us in the ongoing struggle
we could fool ourselves, but experience and time tells us the way it is
but I have found it to help in specific situations such as this
to return my resistance level the way it was before the slip...

but skeptical, I look forward to your comments
I always find them to be enlightening...

We all will have our ups and downs-the key is recognizing that we have an issue that we must confront or it will wreck havoc on our lives.

SIB101854 wrote:


...sometimes it is more of something we need to let go of.

--Elyah

A big thanks to all the replies.
I have learned something from each.

A big problem I have right now is that I'm running from the hardships of life.
There are so many demands on me.
The truth is that lust is an additional demand that wastes time, an additional burden.
It's just so much easier to do.

This Jonah is running away from his duty.
I need to grow up. I have obligations that I must not flee.
- I just realised that this is how I was brought up. I mostly had no father and my Mom would run instead of dealing with things. She put herself in the role of victim.
I will break this pattern. I will face my duties.

Also, I need to get into the habit of finding something else to do when I start thinking lusty thoughts.

Keep well.

Yosef.

Yosef,

I identify a lot with what you wrote about escaping from reality.

Just one thought if i may:

You wrote:

I will break this pattern. I will face my duties.

and then you wrote:

Also, I need to get into the habit of finding something else to do when I start thinking lusty thoughts

For me these contradict each other.

With me I cannot face reality, and so i use lust as an escape.

You sound like you want to escape lust by finding something real to do.

Am I understanding you?

Chezky, you bring up a good point in your question, but although they somewhat contradict each other, they both are valid. We escape reality with lust, and to avoid it, we need to re-focus on reality.
sort of like a catch-22.

Thanks for the he'ora.