KUTGW ToAdd!!

Sounds like you're on the right track!!

Chezky, jsut wondering, are you trying to define the difference between an addict and a normal person?

I am saying that my addiction is in my head. It is a sickness which convinces me that I have to have my fix or else I will die or at least suffer. For me it is lust while others have the same conviction when it comes to alcohol, eating or drugs. This conviction is so intense and powerful that no amount of logic, awareness or understanding ever helped to control it.

Why not share what does work?

We know plenty of what doesn't!

chesky wrote:


I've met many people that think there is stuff that they can't do, and therefore they never succeed.

chesky [insert real name], you CAN do this.

G-d will never give somebody an impossible mission . You have received this mission because you ARE strong enough to handle it.

We can bring this under control, but it's going to be one of the hardest things we do.
That will also make it one of the most beneficial things we ever do, for us and for the world. Every bit we do removes some darkness from the world.

Pidaini wrote:


Thank you. Last night, I felt like giving in but managed to go to sleep before before doing anything.
That makes 1 day fully clean.

One thing I know for sure that does work, is coming here.

Pidaini wrote:


Dear ToAdd and Pidaini,
I will try and share with you what worked for me.
I spent years compulsively masturbating and chasing after lust in various forms. During that time I tried many ways to stop and to “beat the addiction”. I tried mussar, daavening, understanding myself, identifying triggers, shemiras einayim …….
About five years ago, I found GYE. I started posting on the forum regularly and started trying to get clean for 90 days. (Back then my username was “Ovadia”.)
After one failed attempt, I did make it to 90 days, and I was sure that I was cured. However after about 150 days I had a relapse and from then on was just unable to pick up again.
Eventually I started to go to SA meetings. However even there I continued to fall.But slowly slowly with the help of HaShem, things started to change for me, and today I am thankfully in recovery where I get a daily gift of sobriety from my Abba. (It has to be a miracle, since I tried so long and in so many ways to control it on my own and I just was unable to.)
I am not saying that SA is the only solution. But I can safely say that for me, trying to beat or control the addiction was doomed to failure. To begin to recover I had to accept that I am a failure, that on my own I will never be able to control my lusting, then I was able to really turn to my Abba and ask Him to restore me to sanity (not to keep me clean).


Chesky, IS my real name. Honesty and openness is critical to recovery. Using my real first name is another step of facing who I really am and not treating my addiction as if it is someone else. No, I AM Chesky and I AM an addict, thankful to be in recovery.


No, I cannot. I tried so hard with all the willpower I had and I could not. The only thing I can do is to turn to my Abba and ask Him to help me live today with Him, without turning to lust.

Chesky, thanks for sharing.
Ovadia rings a bell.

No. We can't do this alone.
And perhaps there is no complete recovery.

I'm still hiding. I'm embarrassed. I don't want people to know who I really am.
many "what ifs", most I'm sure are not valid, but some seem very valid.

I'm living in a fake world and I escape life into a pool of darkness.
Perhaps then I should say "I'm not really living".

I'm not ready to come out, and now would be a bad time. It would probably break my wife.
This makes me sad.
The worst level of lies is a lie you tell yourself.

I hope to one day let the Yosef out that's hiding behind this mask.

chesky wrote:


chesky, this is (for me) a difficult concept to digest
logically I know its true, but at present my YH is strong enough
that I can't see past its influence and grip
this is what the Mesilas Yesharim meant
when he writes that until we break free, we are imprisoned in a maze
and we need someone who can raise his sights above the maze to tell us where to go...

bechal levavecha wrote:


Are you a returnee too?
I have that sefer on my shelf and have been considering giving it another read.

[random thought]
I wonder though, if everybody has that ability. The impression I get is that some people have a limit as to how much free will they're given and some people will never have the filters removed from in front of their eyes.
This is far too deep and theoretical for me right now though.

Merely thinking that you have a limit though, is enough to enforce a limit.
This is a far more practical concept and stunts growth.
[end random thought]

I have to try this spoiler icon out.

Would be nice if I could change the caption to Warning: Boring.

ToAdd wrote:

I really like using it for masking Divrei Torah. Because many of us traded our porn in the bathroom to forum reading. It's a nice change and leaves you feeling better than porn ever did.

Welcome home to all the newbies! Or more accurate, welcome to the journey home!

Hatzlacha,
NeedToQuit

chezky wrote:


Can I rephrase that for us, "to begin recovery we have to accept that we are POWERLESS!!!"

We are not failures in any way, we were given a battle and that is to accept the fact that we don't control the world, not even our own world. Accepting that has nothing to do with failure.

ToAdd wrote:


Not hiding does not have to include telling your wife, I have stopped hiding and my wife does not know (except for the fact that all our interactions have been much more meaningfull). And try explaining to yourself why you shouldn't open up here, take a telephone number from someone, call them up and spiil the beans. They've been where you are, they may have been in worser situations as well, you will loose nothing, only gain!!

It's a hard step, but if you're here I would assume that life is not going very easy, it's hard to live in a lie, שקר אין לו רגלים, so open up, I don't think anyone has regretted it here.

Telling the wife is another conversation, but it's for sure not until a later stage in recovery!

Hatzlacha Rabbah!!! KOT KOMT!!

Opening up to someone face to face is a big step.
I hope I can get there soon.

Last night didn't go so well. No porn, but I went looking with intent and aroused myself.
An image stayed in my head the whole day. I think it even arrived the day before.

Any tips on how to shake off an image that persists for an entire day?

It was just waiting there for me to be alone.
I guess I chose to look at something ordinary, without focusing on something clean.
"Ordinary" here translates to PG, with a slim chance of seeing something exciting, but holding on to that slim chance.

That means that I am not treating "hoping to see something" as a trigger.
The mere desire to look is already a problem and needs to be dealt with as soon as possible.
I'm going to implement the three second rule there and where possible try immediately move to something kosher instead.

Thanks for the update. Being honest with yourself and with us is already a step in the right direction.

One thing that might be able to help you when the yetzer keeps bugging you all day with bad thoughts/fantasizing is to tell the yeitzer "I would love to listen to you, just give me 5 or 10 minutes, because I have something important I am taking care of," and then go do something else that occupies your mind. When your 5 minutes are up, then guess what? "I have something else that's extremely urgent that I really have to take care of, so can you come back later?" Keep going with this all day. I know the concept sounds a little ridiculous, but people have actually used it, and it works!

Hatzlacha!

Getting busy with something else (the more engaging the better) is definitely a good idea.

As you point out, it's much easier to avoid it in the first place.

You say that "Opening up to someone face to face is a big step. I hope I can get there soon."

Have you spoken to anyone on the phone? That is a smaller and easier step.